Page 33 of Fallen Angels

“No, I don’t.”

I take a deep breath and pull away from him so I can look him level in the eyes. He allows me. “I succumbed to my nature just the way you knew I would. I was the very thing you loathe, a demon of lust.”

There, I’ve said it. I’ve said exactly what he wanted me to say. And now maybe he’ll leave me drowning in my own self-hatred and shame.

Cambion tilts my chin up, forcing me to look him in the eyes. I look away in defiance, but the warmth of his touch is welcome even though I hate admitting the fact.

“Then you’re telling me you enjoyed it?”

My mouth drops open in shock as I shake my head, but I then realize the uselessness in trying to defend myself. “What difference does it make? If I defend myself, you won’t believe me anyway.”

“I saw the tears in your eyes when I witnessed the vision.”

I feel my stomach drop and I can’t look at him. “Then you know the answer for yourself.”

“You didn’t enjoy it, but you weren’t able to stop it.” His voice grows soft and I can’t answer him because there’s a huge lump in my throat. “That doesn’t sound like a demon of lust to me.”

“It doesn’t change the fact,” I start and then furiously bat my eyelashes as I try to get control of myself. “It doesn’t change the fact that I… touched myself.”

“You had no choice,” he answers with a shrug. “You were captured by Variant’s will. You had no control over yourself.”

“Do you believe that?” I ask him, finally finding the strength to spear him with my gaze.

“Yes.”

I’m surprised, so surprised I have no response.

“Tell me how Variant was able to control you,” he continues.

“I don’t understand.”

He nods as if realizing his words are confusing. “Tell me what he did that forced you to… touch yourself.”

I eye him suspiciously. I don’t trust him. “Why?”

“I could help you...”

Why would he want to help me?I think to myself. Usually, Cambion wants nothing to do with me and before we were imprisoned, he wouldn’t stop going on and on about leaving me somewhere to fend for myself. I don’t say anything, and he explains.

“I couldteachyou how to defend yourself if anyone ever tries to force themselves on you again.”

It isn’t like Cambion to ever offer anything. Since I’ve met him, he’s struck me as self-centered, proud, stubborn and too convinced of his own importance. Yet the hailstorm of emotions in his eyes causes my heart to clench. I won’t lie to myself and think he cares, but he feelssomething. He must. There’s no way anyone could fake the emotion I detect in his eyes.

I start to nod, and the anger flows out of my entire being. “Compulsion. Or at least that’s what I think it was.”

“Why do you think it was compulsion?”

I shrug. “Variant waved his hand and he took control of me, just like that. And no matter what I did or what I thought, Icouldn’t curb his control. It was like I wasn’t even in my own body. He forced me… to…. to pleasure myself and there was nothing I could do to stop it.” The venom in my voice startles Cambion, but the expression in his eyes doesn’t change.

“Compulsion sounds about right.”

I nod but there’s hesitancy in me, at the same time. Hesitancy because I haven’t explained everything yet. I’ve left out some of the details because they’re details I’m not exactly comfortable with.

“There’s more,” he says. It’s as though he can read me.

I swallow hard and before I can stop myself, I begin to explain. “When Variant was… doing that to Anona,” I start, sounding as awkward as I feel. Cambion smiles a bit at my choice of words but says nothing. “I hated him,” I continue. “I hated the control he had over me. I felt disgusted and violated and…”

“And what?” he prods as he studies me narrowly.

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