Page 74 of The Angel and the Agent

“I think that bag contains more things than I actually own,” she said.

“I’ve seen your shoe collection, so I know you’re lying,” he said. He entered the room and sat on her bed, setting the bag on the table beside him.

“Don’t ask me to give up my shoes for you, Ethan. I’ve known them longer,” she said.

“What would you give up for me, if I asked?” he mused.

“Anything, if I believed your reason was sincere,” she said.

He reached into the bag and handed her a toothbrush. She squealed. “You are the best, thank you.”

“If a toothbrush makes you that happy, you’re too easy,” he said.

“I’m pretty sure the doctor confirmed that for everyone last night,” she said.

He groaned. “I was hoping you were too doped up to remember that part.”

“I really wish Maggie and Ridge hadn’t been here to hear it. Now he and I can’t make eye contact for six weeks.”

“The TMI rule,” he added.

“Exactly. Hey, good news, though. They came in early this morning to tell me everything else was clear. No apparent jungle diseases.” She paused. “Also, I’m not pregnant. I asked them to do a blood test to make sure.”

“Was that a particular concern for you?” he asked.

“Yes. I mean, it’s not exactly in my nine-month plan. I finally just got enough in my savings account to cover an extra month of rent. I’m not yet what you’d call financially stable. I’m still getting established in my career, I live in a one room studio…the reasons not to become a mother right now are endless.”

“You know I’d support you. I wouldn’t leave you or our child out in the cold,” he said.

Our child.Despite not being ready, she shivered at the effect the words had on her. “I also didn’t want to be pregnant for your sake.”

“My sake? Why?”

“Why? Because I don’t want you to feel trapped. Or, worse, feel like I’m the one who trapped you,” she said.

“That’s what you think, that I’d feel trapped?”

She nodded.

“You know what my reaction was when the EMT mentioned pregnancy as a possibility? Unmitigated glee. I suddenly had the chance at something I didn’t know I desperately wanted. If anything, I feel bad because I’m the one who trapped you.”

“What are you talking about? You didn’t trap me.”

“I pushed you into a marriage you weren’t ready for,” he said.

“You were trying to take care of me, to ensure we had a place to stay,” she said.

He put his hand over his eyes. “Please don’t say that. It makes me feel even worse.”

“Why?” She tugged his hand away from his eyes.

“I would never marry someone for the sake of a mission, never marry a woman for a place to stay. We could have stayed in any house in that town if we flashed enough money. Was it nice and convenient to get out of the rain? Yes. Did I feel safer staying at a parish house? Yes. Was it necessary to marry you that night for any reason?” He shook his head.

“Then…why?”

“Because I’m an all-or-nothing person. I either stay on the ground or jump out of the plane. The thought of getting into a relationship, of dating, of arguing, of slowly trying to combine my life with someone else’s, of giving someone control, of sharing my space, the thought of everything that could go wrong, it scared me. Bad. I didn’t want to fail at that, and especially not with you. But all of a sudden that night I saw a solution, a way out. We could skip all the dating and jump right to the marriage. It seemed like such a good plan at the time.”

“But now you don’t think so,” she surmised.

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