Page 51 of The Angel and the Agent

“Do you actually understand what it would be like to be with someone like me?”

“Yes.”

“You can’t say yes automatically. You have to think about it.”

She paused. “Yes.”

He sighed. “I’m serious here. I’m gone twenty days of the month, and most of that time is spent in places where there’s a good chance I won’t come home again. Statistically, I’m already an anomaly because I’m still alive at the ripe age of twenty-eight. When I am home, I spend most of that time dealing with the emotional repercussions of my job. The rates of burnout, depression, suicide, substance abuse, and divorce are off the charts. We’ve already established I have no framework on how to be in a stable family. I have no idea how to be a husband or father. All I know is the job. I’m a terrible bet.”

“Ethan, I know exactly how many days of the month your work takes you away, and though I haven’t known exactly where you’ve gone, I knew it wasn’t sunny California for beach time. I realize how hard your job is and the effect it can have on you; I’m getting a taste of it right now. I don’t know how you do it, but I’m glad you do because the world needs men like you. But here’s something I know that you don’t, a secret I’m going to tell you: You live life to the fullest; you give a thousand percent to everything you do. And I know when you finally decide to commit and love a woman, you’ll love her with that same all-encompassing passion and devotion. And if it were me you chose to love, I would understand that whatever time we had together was special and unique, that we had lived and loved more in a short amount of time than most people do in a lifetime. Because the things you think make you a bad bet are the things that make you the best bet. Not the safest, but life’s too short for safety.”

“That was kind of the perfect answer,” he said. “Can you do one more thing for me?”

“What’s that?”

“Say it in French,” he pled.

She complied. He slid his arm around her, and she rested her head on his chest. “I could listen to you read a tax form in French and find it sexy,” he admitted.

“Come April, I’ll be sure to arrive on your doorstep with a stack of forms from the IRS, just to keep things spicy.”

“You probably would,” he said. He wouldn’t put anything past her. She yawned. “Go to sleep, Melly.”

“I don’t want to abandon you to keep watch alone,” she said, yawning again.

“You’re not abandoning me. I’m holding you. There’s a difference,” he said.

“Maybe just for a minute,” she said, curling toward him in a ball so her hands were fisted at his chest.

“Are you comfortable? I can shift, if you like.”

“I’m good, except the Kevlar. When I get home, I’m going to invent a bullet-proof vest that’s also good for cuddling,” she said. “Something warm and fluffy, perhaps in a jewel tone. Black is so last year.”

He placed her hand under the vest, on top of his shirt. She did him one better by weaseling under the shirt and pressing her palm to his abs. “There we go,” she murmured. “Are you sure you’re going to be all right? You’re not afraid you’re going to fall asleep?”

“I’m good,” he said, his tone brusque.

“Are you feeling okay? You sound a little hoarse, and your cheeks are kind of flushed.” Her thumb made a little circle around his navel.

“Go to sleep, Amelia,” he choked.

“I’m feeling a bit perkier.” Leaning closer, she pressed her lips to his neck. Overhead, a monkey took aim and bounced another nut off his skull.

“What are you hitting me for? She’s the one making the moves,” he hissed toward the trees.

Amelia laughed, withdrew her hand, kissed his cheek, curled back into a ball and rested her head on his leg. With a wary glance at the treetops, Ethan rested his hand on her shoulder.

“They seem okay with that,” she whispered.

“That’s because they can’t read minds,” he said.

She smiled, and a few minutes later she was asleep.

Chapter 18

They left just after dark. Ethan became antsier and antsier until finally he said they could leave.

“Are you going to tell me now why you were so jumpy back there?” she asked once they were a safe mile or so away from the border.

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