“Some darkness is evil,” I whispered. But I no longer pictured the Shade when I spoke the words. I saw a broken glass, dark amber liquid, and a deep red face that had been out too late, drowning too deep. Boys jeering and throwing stones at a girl in a well. Bloodlust in the eyes of a seer.
His face twisted in momentary pain as I shared my thoughts. “Evil is evil. But I promise, Dayspring, you never have to be afraid of me. I will protect you.”
“From yourself?”
“From the prince. From the monsters. From everything.”
“Your magic at full force can be a little scary.” I picked at a button in front of me.
He reached across the table, his fingers tipped my head back to meet his gaze. “It can be used in this way, yes. But it will never, ever be used to hurtyou.You are mine. Mine to safeguard. Mine to—”
His throat bobbed again as his eyes dropped to my lips. His gaze was a touch, a brand searing my skin. Mine to what? His thumb was soft as down as it touched my jawline. My heart ached with the blossoming feelings of—
A throat cleared. The Shade let his hand slip as he sat back. I busied my hands brushing off invisible crumbs from my skirt. The Shade leaned his elbows on top of the table, the picture of professional interest. “Yes, Uncle.”
“The owls.”
The Shade waved a hand of permission, and five owls flew into the room.
“Fourteen to the north.”
“Ten in the ravine. And the dogs.”
“A regiment at the temple.”
Their thoughts bombarded me simultaneously. Placing a hand on my head, I turned to the Shade. “What are they talking about?”
“I asked them to double-check the surface path. But as you heard, it would be impossible.”
He had sent them for me. Gratitude warred with fear as I took in the box of potions at the end of the table. I was a coward. “Can youfly?” I gestured at his ethereal shadows that hung on his chair. “With shadow wings?”
He only chuckled. “Sadly, not quite.” He closed his eyes with a deep inhale. “We go under then.” He made plans for travel rations with Uncle Koll and sent the raccoons to pack up the potions before turning back to me. “Dayspring, go get some rest. We’ll plan to leave in a few hours.”
I nodded as Jamison flitted grumpily back to my room. I bathed quickly in the glorious water, locking the Shade’s door and bathing in my sleep clothes, before I wrapping myself in a robe and leaving the hot springs.
My thoughts whirled with fears of the unknown beasties underground. I worried over what would happen if we were caught at the castle or if the queen was too far gone. I chewed on my inner lip as I dreaded more caverns, even though this time I had his box of light. His box of light. He was someone I had feared my whole life. I had avoided and hated him, even cursed him while doing my washing. And yet, my current thoughts of him were completely altered. He was nothing like the seers had described, he was nowhere near the menace the king regent had claimed. He was wounded and powerful, but he was also tender toward me and protective of his manor and all the creatures in it. And though I hesitated to admit it even to myself, I thrilled thinking of the Shade and his touch. I shivered in pleasure at the thought of his fingertips on my cheek and the warmth of his embrace. I pressed my eyes shut with the backs of my hands as I sat on the chair by the fire. I wouldn’t think of his kisses. I would not recount in slow detail the brilliance of his eyes when he was mere inches from my face. I would not relive every soft embrace. I would not ache for his hands on mine. I wouldn’t think of what they could mean.
“I never think of these things either. Only with every other breath.”His thoughts were a deep lullaby.
I ran my hand along the beauty mark on my neck. The markings had lasted too long for it to be an irritated beauty mark, as much as I’d wanted to believe it. The rest of me had healed, but the tiny twisting swirls remained, black and as big as a teaspoon. Regret twisted in my chest for a moment before I tried to remind myself why bonding was bad, and besides, the Shade didn’t have a matching mark. Perhaps, we could have a love match instead.
It was warm by the fire and I fell asleep.
Jamison called my name, then with a thump, he landed on my face, his wings splayed wide and grasped my ears. His beady eyes blinked at me. “Lady, it’s time.”
I sat up with a yelp, his long finely-clawed fingers grasped at the movement and pulled the hair on my temples as his feet pinched slightly on my lips. “Jamison!” He flew off before I could bat him away and snorted with a chirpy cackle.
“Donotland on my face!” I rubbed at my nose, still tickled from his fuzzy belly. “Say my name, squawk or squeak. But do not land on my face!”
He settled upside down on the lamp, looking wholly too pleased with himself. “I only aim to be an effective servant of my master. And he bid me to wake you up.”
“I bid you to wake me differently.”
“The master didn’t specify. And I was effective. You are awake.”
I tossed a nearby throw pillow at him before the reality of the next journey froze my chest.
Jamison shuffled his wings. “You’re afraid.”