Page 46 of Ties of Shadow

His lips pulled back in a violent expression. “You stole these from your father?”

Offended, I pulled the box nearer to my chest. “I made these, Leon. I do not stoop to lying, thieving, or murder.”

A flush of red stained his cheeks as his shoulders sunk again. “S-Sorry. Father—” Suddenly the prince’s thoughts flooded into my own.“I never should have listened to him. I can’t handle the pressure from all sides anymore. First his demands, then Mother’s…”His thoughts faded into garbles.

“One day, you are going to be king, and you will have to follow your own code, Leon. Not his, not the seers’. Not the masses’. Your own values. Your own way. You can’t keep being pushed around all the time and think you’ll know yourself at the end.”

“Easy enough for you to say. You’re not a prince.”

I raised my brow. “I’m in no-man’s land, Leon. Not an accepted lady, not a servant…but I’m not useless. And I’m not hopeless either. If I can work on finding my own way, maybe you can too.”

His thoughts slipped through.“She’s better than me.”

I waited to see if he’d say more aloud. But when he didn’t, I reached for the gate which unlocked at my touch with a loud clang. “Take these to your mother. And tell her I love—I hope she heals quickly.” I swallowed back the word, realizing the impropriety of what I was about to say. She wasn’t my mother.

Leon had heard it anyway. “She loves you too, you know. Maybe more than me…especially…especially after everything.”

I set my hand on his forearm. A wolf had snuck up beside me and growled at my action, ready to defend me if Leon tried to pull me beyond the gate. “She still does, I’m certain. It’s not too late to change your course.”

“But the seers—”

“I’m no expert, I admit, but they were wrong about many of the things that we blamed on the Shade. Maybe…they aren’t all-knowing, Leon.”

He hmphed.

“Maybe your father isn’t either.”

He pulled the box from my grasp. His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Thank you for these, Aelia. I’ll take them right to her.”

The prince turned and headed up the canyon with heavy steps that moved quicker the farther he went. Eventually, he met his retinue and mounted his horse. I stepped back toward the manor, noting a swish of an upstairs curtain without a source as I made my way to the door.

The gray wolf neared again, tucking her head under my palm, as a single cub raced out from the manor and pummeled right into the wolf’s legs. She bent her head and licked furiously all over.“Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.”She crooned at her baby. My smile was a bit watery as I walked through the front door. The bats had all tucked themselves up into the coffered ceiling and draperies and coat racks throughout the front room. A group of little foxes tumbled into the sitting room with yips as they played under the tired but watching gaze of two adults. The badger trundled past, looked me over, and gave me a nod before making his way into a closet with a burrow of blankets.

Uncle Koll came up beside me, taking it all in. Notably, there were no billowing shadows nor tortured souls here.

“I don’t know where he went,” I said to Uncle Koll.

“He might need a moment, Aelia. There’s no excuse for him running off, as you know. But…he expects everyone to reject him. As his father did, as the people do, he expects everyone to follow suit. Deep within, I worry he might believe it himself—that he is unlovable.”

“But the animals love him.”

“Certainly. As do I.” He looked at me thoughtfully, his gaze a soft brown as warm as his frybread and honey. “But he has spent most of his time defending himself from misunderstanding and hatred.”

“I don’t hate him!” I whirled to Uncle Koll. “He couldn’t think I would hate him after all this.”

“I very much think he could. He is confident, incredibly powerful, and a deep well of affection. But his inner circle of trust is very small, and it is hard for him to let anyone in at all.” He tapped his cane. “I trust he will soften on his own and come to you. But you need to decide where you belong and who you want to be yourself. I don’t want to see either of you hurt needlessly.” Leaning heavily on his cane, he slowly clicked down the hall.

Chapter twenty

Darkness Within

The queen was dying, the prince was broken, and the Shade was distant at best—angry at worst. Previously, anger had meant my father’s harsh words, outbursts, and flailing hands. Anger meant pain and the shame of yet another failure to perform. At the castle, I would immediately work to settle the hurt feelings, soothe their anger with my sweetness, and placate them with some work or tea or a quick apology as if the conflict had been all my fault. When it came to the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses to fear, I was definitely the latter. But look where that had landed me. Still rejected, still offered on a platter, and as unhappy as I’d ever been. Seeing Leon dredged up the memories of that night, of his royal public distance, of his brutal withdrawal of friendship. I still wanted what was best for him, since I could see who he could be, who he should be. My failing before was not seeing accurately who hewas.

If I had accepted reality, and not brushed over it, would I have ended up at the seer’s cauldron? Would I have been cast out earlier? Perhaps sent to the village to make it on my own? Only the stars knew, I supposed, what might have been.

Ironically, here at the manor, I finally felt flashes of myself, brief moments of joy and purpose, and less fractured as I was no longerpassing out pieces of myself like crumbs from the last piece of bread. But was this my new opportunity to go back to the castle? To make things right with the queen? Leon had apologized after all, and he did look quite contrite, even if it still felt…insecure.

The prince had always followed his father, desperate for his love and approval. And who wouldn’t? Stars above knew that I wanted my father’s approval as well. As long as the king regent’s edicts moved with the sway of popular opinion, it was almost too easy to explain away the injustice of Leon’s actions. Especially as I considered the sweet queen I so deeply loved. The thought of her death was like losing my mother all over again.

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