Page 170 of Deacon

My mouth is parched. I need some water. There’s a glass on the bedside table. I lift it with unsteady hands and take a sip while Keira disappears into the bathroom to my right. Water runs, and the soft scent of lavender follows.

She returns, leaning in the doorway.

“Do you need help getting in?” she asks.

I look up, unable to speak. She goes to me and sinks down on the bed.

“What’s wrong?”

Hand shaking, I set the glass down. “I need a test.”

Her eyes widen and drop to my waist. I’m out of the slip and in a man’s shirt, my body swamped. I touch my palm to my stomach.

“I have one,” she says.

She holds out her arm, and I get to my feet slowly. My legs look small and shaky as I move across the floorboards into the bathroom. It smells good, a little steam rising from the foamy bath. Keira lifts the toilet lid and helps me to sit down. I don’t protest. Now isn’t the time to worry about my dignity.

Keira kneels and takes a little box from beneath the sink. Inside is a blue and white plastic test. She uncaps it and hands it over.

“You just pee on the exposed end,” she says. “For about five seconds. Can you do that?”

I nod, cheeks pink. She gets up and pretends she’s busy checking the water while I put the test between my legs. When I’m done, I setit on the counter and finish emptying my bladder. Keira, clearly not bothered by germs, pops the cap back on and sets it aside.

“Alright, let’s get you in the bath,” she says, helping me up. “It’s lukewarm. We don’t want to shock your body.”

She helps me in. Tears gather at the corners of my eyes.

“You’re very kind,” I whisper. “Thank you.”

She gives me a kind smile. I offer a shaky one back. I think she understands. After so many years of cruelty, it’s hard to comprehend kindness. She just pats my arm and goes back to the test, picking it up.

“Almost there,” she says.

My stomach churns. “Do you like this? Living on a ranch out here, married to one of these Montana men?”

She thinks hard, her lids lowered. Then, she looks up. “Yes, this is my home,” she says. “I was afraid, but I’m not afraid anymore.”

She doesn’t have to say anything else. I hear it all in the timbre of her words. She knows the kind of fear I lived with. I can tell without asking. She moves confidently, but there’s still a lingering hesitancy, like she wasn’t always as safe as she is now.

“Do you want me to tell you what it says?” she asks.

Heart racing, I nod.

“You’re pregnant, honey.”

To my surprise, all I feel is the deepest sense of relief. If the last few weeks have taught me anything, it’s that Deacon is in this for the long haul. When I tell him, he’s going to be so happy, and it’s going to make me sob.

For the first time in my life, someone chose me, wanted me, and followed through all the way to the end.

Now, he’s on his way here, and suddenly, I’m terrified to tell him.

“Keira,” I whisper, my voice shaking. “Will Deacon go to jail for what he did last night? I know he killed everyone.”

She laughs, which catches me off guard. “No, Sovereign will probably pull some strings. Jay Reed will get a little grayer. They’ll kick the case around for a few months. Then, it’ll be ruled a gas leak or an accidental fire.”

My jaw is on the floor. “How?”

“Don’t ask,” she says. “That’s my advice if you want to be with one of these men. Just don’t ask.”

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