Page 135 of Deacon

I nod. “I could have told him to stop too, but I was just lost in the…disappointment. It was like I wasn’t there. I think that’s why I hate this memory so much. He just did what he wanted and left me there.”

Something shifts in him.

“There? On the ground?”

I nod, rough fabric of his pants rubbing my cheek. “I bled, so I had to clean up with a rag. There was this pit in my stomach, like my whole chest was hollow. It made me feel so…used.”

He’s quiet—too quiet.

“It just made me feel bad,” I say. “And I never had sex again, not until you. But you don’t make me feel the way he did.”

His palm runs up my spine. I can practically hear the gears in his head turning.

“I didn’t know anything. No one taught me. I got lucky enough I didn’t get pregnant. I didn’t know to take a morning-after pill or even ask him to wear a condom,” I whisper, embarrassed. “I wouldn’t have had the money for either.”

My mind goes to Aiden’s first wife, Bittern’s mother. I wonder if she was the same. Maybe nobody bothered to talk to her about preventing pregnancy. Maybe she didn’t have a mother or a sister, just Aiden.

My heart aches—not just for myself, but for all the women who came before me.

The only difference between me and them is luck. I slept with a man not understanding the consequences. I could have gotten pregnant by one of Ryland’s rough, older friends.

By some chance, I got out.

“What was his name?” he asks.

“Braxton Whitaker,” I whisper.

His middle finger traces my jawline. It circles behind my ear and up through my hair. He strokes my hairline. The fireplace glimmers through my lashes.

Neither of us speaks. Something hangs in the air, a palpable feeling. The longer he strokes my hair and neck, the more it fades.

My lids are so heavy, and the fire is so warm.

I sink into him, draped in his lap. Dimly, I’m aware of him shifting, and I’m in his arms. He lays me down, and my eyes flutter open long enough to connect with his. Then, he’s going down, and my spine is arching as his tongue drags over my pussy.

Four orgasms later, he’s got me out like a light.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

DEACON

She’s sleeping. I get up and take my phone down to the kitchen. It’s almost midnight, but I know Jensen will still be up. I’m tired, eyes burning. I call him, tucking the phone between my ear and shoulder so I can pour a shot of moonshine.

He picks up on the third ring. “Yeah?”

“Do you still talk to Brothers Boyd?”

There’s a long silence.

“What the fuck do you want with Brothers?” Jensen asks.

“Kentucky, Tennessee. That’s their territory,” I say. “I want to call in a favor. I can pay.”

Jensen clears his throat. There’s a tightness to his voice he only gets when talking about back home. “I don’t fuck around with Brothers Boyd, and neither should you.”

“I know him.”

“Yeah? How’s that?”

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