Page 26 of Undercover Desires

“Hmm, what?” I ask, genuinely curious. I feel like I just walked in on the middle of something.

“Hazel’s learning how to read palms,” Summer explains.

“Oh.” I laugh, relaxing. “And what does my palm tell you about me?” I inquire, with a hint of playfulness. I’m not sure I believe in all this stuff, but it would be fun to see what she comes up with since she doesn’t know me from a bar of soap.

“Good strong lifeline,” she says, running a finger along one of the creases in my hand. “You’re healthy, and you’ll stay that way. I can’t see any major life events.”

“Well, that’s good, I guess.”

Continuing, she traces her finger over another line and says, “You're super smart, great at making decisions and solving problems. Maybe you can help Summer here out with her dilemma.”

“What’s Summer’s dilemma?” I ask, now intrigued. “I enjoy helping others with their problems. I’m not so good at solving my own, though.”

“We’ll get to that in a minute,” Hazel says more seriously, clearly not done inspecting my hand. “Heart line, you’re holding on to something.” She glances up at me. “Something from the past that has you kinda stuck. It’s like you’re trying to run away from it, but you’re trapped as well.” She studies my face, looking for confirmation.

I can feel three sets of eyes focus on me. My cheeks heat under their attention. I pause for a moment, thinking her words over. “Well, you’re quite the palm reader, Hazel. You’ve got me all figured out,” I say, not wanting to confirm or deny anything. If she really is that good at palm reading, I would be surprised.She’s been talking to Xavier for sure. “What about you? What do your palms say about your own future?” I throw it back at them.

“It’s your turn,” Hazel tuts, redirecting the focus back to me.

I hesitate for a moment; how much do I really want these girls to know about me? I feel their eyes boring into me. I sigh heavily. “My ex-boyfriend,” I admit. It couldn’t hurt them knowing that insignificant fact about me. I don’t really believe in this mumbo-jumbo, and I have no idea how she saw that in my palm, but that’s it, I’m sure of it. I’m not running from anything else.

“Maybe? Whatever it is you want to let go of, you’re trying with everything you’ve got. You even moved to another country to get away from him, but something stops you from moving on. Guilt, I think.” She could have guessed I moved to get away from him. She’s wrong about the country, but I did move.

I pull my hand back from her, straighten up a little, feeling uncomfortable discussing this with a group of girls I just met. “I’m right, aren’t I?” Hazel asks, her gaze piercing and insistent.

Not used to such direct probing, I shift uncomfortably under her scrutiny. “Well... yeah,” I finally admit, unable to deny the truth in her words.

I study Hazel, trying to work out her angle. Has Kobe put her up to this? Tears prickle at my eyes, and I bite the inside of my lip, willing them to go away. I don’t want to let Wyatt affect me anymore. He’s out of my life. I can move on now. I haven’t even spoken to him in three days. Except I don’t move on with my life. She’s right; the guilt eats me alive for leaving him behind, for walking away from him. He needed so much help. I just couldn’t be the one to give it to him. Maybe I wasn’t strong enough for the two of us. Maybe I had just had enough of caring for someone so selfish and wanted something better. Either way, I hate myself for hurting him.

“I’m sorry. I just met you, I shouldn’t have pried,” she says with kindness in her eyes. She looks like she genuinely cares. Ihaven’t had women around me much, and I’m not accustomed to situations like this. She just met me, but something makes me think she might actually get it. It would be so nice to have friends to talk to about it.

“You’re right, it’s over a guy. The guilt eats me alive. I left him, and I still pay the rent on our place back in...” I hesitate. “Australia. Leaving him had me so guilt-ridden, I just kept paying it.” I don’t mention that it’s also the reason I can’t afford to do a proper grocery shop or any of the renovations and repairs that Nanna’s house needs.

Three shocked sets of eyes stare back at me. Shelby’s mouth literally drops open. “You’ve got to cut him off,” Shelby says, appalled.

I exhale, feeling as if the weight of the world has left my shoulders. That’s the way he always made me feel. “How do I, though? I know he relies on me.” The burden of my own words settles in, and I realize it’s time to confront this dilemma head-on. I’m tough in so many ways, but with him, I let him manipulate me so easily. He would let his mental health problems be his excuse for everything he couldn’t do.

“Yeah, because he can,” Shelby responds firmly.

“Give her a break; maybe it’s still fresh. How long ago did the two of you break up?” Summer interjects, attempting to ease the tension.

I contemplate lying, knowing how bad this sounds. “Over six months ago now,” I admit with a wince.

“Nope. You need out of that shit. Next, you’re going to tell me you’re still talking to him as well,” Shelby exclaims, her anger on my behalf clear.

I glance at Shelby, grateful for her support. She’s angry for me, I can see it in her eyes. “Not since last week.” Sunday is technically last week.

“Last week? You two broke up six months ago, why are you still talking to this loser?” Shelby’s frustration is palpable.

“Shelby,” Summer chastises her friend gently.

“She’s right, he’s a loser. I’m not anymore. He kept ringing me, and I would answer because I felt bad, you know? He was so sad. But last week, it all got to be too much, and I hung up on him. I took the SIM out and got a new one. He can’t call me anymore,” I admit, a mix of relief and sadness washing over me. Every day without contact makes me feel a little stronger and closer to being able to move on with my life.

“Good for you, girlfriend,” Shelby exclaims, offering a supportive smile.

“Now you need to cut him off as well,” Hazel adds, her concern for me clear. It’s nice they care so much. “I don’t know what the rental prices would be like in Australia, but they’re pricey here. How on earth can you afford to eat if you’re paying two rents?” Hazel remarks, genuine worry in her voice.

“The stocked fridge out the back here helps.” I laugh, trying to lighten the mood with a joke. I don’t want the spotlight on me, but I can’t help feeling grateful for the support I’ve stumbled upon in this unexpected conversation.

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