Page 45 of Undercover Desires

“Something else we can explore are strategies to help you manage your emotional responses more effectively. It could involve mindfulness practices, strategies for handling stress, and examining what causes your reactions. Have you thought about why you're so bothered about her getting close to you?”

“Because she’s a cop?” I snap. It’s fucking obvious.

“Is that it, though?” The timer goes off, and I know what’s coming next. “Our past emotional attachments can affect our present relationships. Losing both your parents at such a young age could be what’s holding you back. Something to think about.”

She doesn’t ask if I’m ready to talk about my mom. I stare at her, waiting for the question. She asks me about it at every appointment. But today, she doesn’t.

“That’s it for today. I’ll see you next week.” She smiles sweetly, like she didn’t just slap me across the face with her words.

I stand up, needing to get the heck out of here. She’s supposed to make me feel better, not worse. Her hand comes to my back, and I turn back toward her.

“Kobe,” she says, her voice soft.

“What?” I snap.

“I’ve known you for a long time. I don’t enjoy seeing you like this.” Her eyes are warm, and I get the impression she’s talking to me as a friend and not my therapist.

“Then help me,” I beg, feeling completely out of control.

“I can’t. This is all on you. But I’ll give you a little advice from someone who used to be just like you. It’s okay to let someone else into your life. Give in to your urges and enjoy the company of a girl you’re strongly attracted to. You don’t have to beat yourself up over all of this. Just talk to her, stop playing games, and make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. If you really like her, don’t mess it up over technicalities. So what if you met her because she was a cop sent to investigate you? It’s what the two of you do now that she’s in your life that will count. Let go and just give in to it.”

I stare back at her, trying to process what she’s telling me. A smile breaks out on my face, and then I burst out laughing.

“I’m utterly screwed, aren’t I?” I laugh even harder.

She joins me. “Totally.”

CHAPTER 18

KOBE

I drop into CaffeineCorner to grab a coffee before heading into The Joker for a few hours. Something about this place always smells like home to me. The waft of freshly baked treats and coffee lingers in the air.

While I wait for Moreen to make it for me, I take the seat in the window and study Arabella’s old house. It sticks out on this street now, much like this place, with all the new eateries and apartments going up. But it holds a charm that can’t compare, a sense of history, memories etched in time.

These places used to be the ritzy ones, owned by the people with money. The house my brothers and I grew up in was on the other side of town, a dilapidated old shack in the end. The first thing Leo did when he got some money was knock it down and build a row of apartments there. He bought out the entire street, just so he could. He said it was an excellent investment, and at the time I agreed with him, but now I see it for whatit was. There was too much pain in those walls. Too many memories for him to handle. He knocked down that place so he didn’t have to deal with it every time he drove down that street.

I can’t picture it at all. It’s like that time in my life never happened. I’m not sure if I should be sad about it or happy. I don’t have the pain of remembering like my brothers do.

“Here you go, dear.” Moreen places a mug of flat white down in front of me.

“Thank you,” I say with a smile, even though I ordered a long black to go. She’s getting forgetful, but we all let her get away with it.

“Hope my boys are behaving,” she says, referring to her sons who recently started working for us.

“They’re two of Jett’s best security guards,” I tell her, having no idea how good they actually are, though I’ve never heard Jett complain about them, and they have been working for him for quite some time now, so I can only assume they must do their jobs diligently.

She smiles proudly. “Enjoy your coffee. I’ll grab you a little something to take on the road with you. I just baked the tastiest blueberry muffins, you just have to try one.” She scurries off toward the kitchen.

I take a sip of my coffee and return my attention to the house across the street. A light is on in the front room, and I wonder what she’s doing in there. It’s midmorning, and she won't have to be at the club for a few hours. Is she working on her other job? Compiling a report on every little detail she sees in the club, something juicy to send to Reader, thinking her mission has gone unnoticed by us? Or is she lostin a daydream thinking about me? I can only hope I’m torturing her as much as she is me.

Rafael’s name lights up my screen, and I quickly answer his call. I’ve been desperately awaiting his update on his trip to LA to investigate Arabella’s ex-boyfriend. I have a sickening feeling about the guy, and I’m not sure exactly why. All I know is we need more information on him and why he lets her pay his bills for him. What hold does he still have over her? Is there still something between them? I have to know the truth about it all. I know I could ask her, like Maeve suggested, but at this point, I still haven’t decided how I want to play that situation. Maeve might be right, but that doesn’t mean I have to listen to her.

“What have you got for me?”

“Well,” he begins, “I’ve been here a couple of days watching his movements. It’s worse than we initially suspected. I gained access to his computer, and what I uncovered is deeply unsettling.” Rafael’s voice crackles with urgency.

My heart races as I listen closely. I knew my gut had this right. “Tell me everything.” I’m not sure why, but I feel strangely protective over her, like she really is one of the girls who work for me, even though I know better. I can’t stand the thought that some asshole out there has such a powerful hold on her that she’s destroying her own life to help him out. She needs the money she’s using to pay his bills. It’s maddening.

---