Page 25 of Higher Notes

“He’s got a lot of anger. Did he know his dad?”

“Nah, none of us did. I remember him, though. He was an asshole. When Mom told him she was pregnant he decided to use her as a human punching bag. Blamed her for everything. Said she dressed like a slut and was one. I called the cops, and he got hauled off, but we never heard from him again. Thank fuck.”

“Damn, you must’ve been what, fourteen?” Sikes asked.

“Yeah, but I’ve been working since I was twelve. Babysat for some of the parents in the complex.”

“Yet you always see the positive in everything. I grew up bouncing around between foster homes. Some of those parents must’ve went to the same school Gabe’s dad did.” Snipe shook his head. “I was an angry fucker. Never knew my folks or anything about them.”

“Sorry, babe.” I’d yet to call them anything sweet but when Snipe leaned over and kissed me I knew I’d chosen the right moment. “I try to see the positive and make sure I’m as upbeat as possible in front of the kids. It’s hard for Mom and I know she just wants us to be happy. After the twins she stopped dating altogether. I had a feeling she had been searching for the perfect father for us but dumpster diving ain’t gonna land that.” It’d been years since she’d been on a date, and I hoped like hell she’d take this gift the three of us were giving her in the form of time to find herself and realize she didn’t need a man. She was more than enough on her own. “She was too damn young when she had me.”

“Well, we aren’t their dads, but we’d like to be a positive role model in the kids’ lives. Plus, I have a great time playing with them.”

“You and your little princess,” Snipe teased Sikes, though I know he secretly loved the way they’d taken to each other.

“What can I say? It’s the best of both worlds. Having kids without really having them. I just hope we caught the anger bug in Gabe quick enough. Lead by example is one of many thingsFizzbo’s drilled into us and I plan to do just that with them.” Sikes was a smart fucker, and that tactic was what the kids needed most.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you guys. I know I’ve said it before but every day you amaze me. If I didn’t know any better I’d swear you were sent from heaven.”

Snipe nearly choked. “Trust me. Heaven doesn’t want us, and hell doesn’t want the challenge. We’ve done and seen things no human should ever endure. We’ve been to hell and back and bear the scars to prove it.”

“Amen, brother.”

“Fuck, Sikes, that sounds incestuous as hell.” Snipe did not enjoy Sikes’ turn of phrase. Took a minute to sink in and when it hit I lost it. “Laugh your ass off now, Jase, but he’ll get you too one day. That man uses the worst metaphors at the worst time.”

“Fuck you very much.”

“And there you have it. But I love the dumb fucker just as I love you.”

“You love me?” Did Snipe just seriously throw those words out?

“I do.”

“We both do, Jason.” Sikes and Snipe leaned in and kissed me. “Snipe and I’ve felt it for a while. The draw to you was for a reason, our hearts already felt what our minds took longer to understand.”

“Fuck, guys. You gut me. Watching you with the kids it hit me how far gone I was. But will it always be this easy?” There had to be speed bumps along the way, right? This fell into place at lightning speed, but I’d seen no reason to hit the brakes. “I’ve always been a go with the flow kind of guy and with us it was no different and I’m glad I hadn’t overthought it.”

“I know we moved fast but Snipe and I only know one speed. We learned the hard way that if you want something bad enoughyou go after it. We felt that way with each other and we felt that way again, with you.”

For two guys who claim words aren’t their friends, they sure had no problem saying the right ones to me.

“So, we haven’t had the sex conversation yet.”

“Well, when three men love each other,” Snipe began, though the jackass couldn’t keep a straight face.

Sikes cracked up and I shook my head. “Cute. I was headed more down the condom or no condom road. We get tested every six months and I haven’t hooked up since the last tour.” Got home, got busy, lost all track of time.

Unsaid words passed between them through a glance. I hoped to someday share that brain with them.

“We get tested, too, but we’ve only been with each other for the past twenty years.” Sikes’ reply made me wonder why Fizzbo would continue to test them then. Maybe other guards had strayed? Who knew. “And just for the record, while we don’t have any condoms, only lube, I’d run and get them if you wanted us to use them.”

Why did this feel like a bigger step than moving in was? I’d never gone bare, but I’d also never hooked up with the same guy twice. “Given I haven’t been with anyone since the last test I’d, um, I’d like for us to go without them. Unless you feel otherwise, of course.”

“I’d prefer no barrier between any of us,” Snipe kissed my shoulder while Sikes focused on my lips.

Why was that so freaking hot? One to the back, one to the front. This was the shit porn was made of.

While I loved their hands and lips all over me, the hotel hot tub was not a discreet location for what my body craved. “Guys, I think we, um…oh yeah, that’s the spot. We-we need to move this upstairs.” My ability to walk was questionable with all the bloodrushed to my dick. Hell, I was thankful I’d managed to get those few words out.

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