Page 98 of Gunner

Was it healthy? Not even a little bit.

Was I still going to do it? Abso-freakin-lutely.

I would take the easy way out.

Like I always did.

Now that my pep talk was over, I rose from the bed and took a shower. After packing up the rest of my belongings, I left the bags by the door. I would come get them after I spoke to Aspen.

As I made my way to the main room, I prayed Gunner had left for the shop already. I purposely stayed in bed longer than normal, hoping I wouldn’t have to look him in the eye after the way I’d left.

Walking into the kitchen, I made a cup of coffee. Why this wasn’t in the main room, I wasn’t sure. Seeing as the food was always set up buffet style, you would think the coffee maker would be in the main room as well.

Searching the room for Aspen, I was surprised not to see her or Diesel.

“She took a walk outside.”

Startled at the voice, I turned to King. “That’s good.”

“It is,” he agreed. “It will make your decision easier.”

“It will.” This time I agreed with him.

Not waiting for him to respond, I moved to a table and sat down. A moment later, a plate was placed in front of me. When I looked up into the eyes of the man I walked away from last night, I expected to see anger. Contempt maybe.

I saw neither. In fact, I didn’t see any emotion at all. His face was a mask of indifference. Yet, he still made me a plate.

“Eat.”

That was all he said. He didn’t wait to see if I would push the plate away. He walked to the front door and left. And I sat there, wanting to cry. I had lost him. Like I knew I would.

I wasn’t sure which would have been worse. Having him and losing him or losing him before I actually had him.

Now I would never know.

Aspen entered the clubhouse just as I was finishing my breakfast. She had a smile on her face as Diesel tromped behind her.

Seeing her smile warmed my heart. It was what I needed to feel good about my decision. She had been in the main room with all these men, without me. She had made the decision herself to go for a walk around the grounds, without me. She was ready to begin building her life back up, without me.

“Morning,” she greeted.

“Good morning, Aspen. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you came down.”

“That’s ok. I can’t expect you to be there forever, right? Besides, I’m sure you didn’t get much sleep with the way Gunner carried you out of here over his shoulder.” She waggled her eyebrows at me, and I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to make the scared girl disappear overnight.

“No, it wasn’t like that. We talked. There is nothing between Gunner and I.”

“Why not? I wouldn’t turn down spending the night with a hot biker. Well, I mean, eventually. If I’m ever ready for that again.”

There she was. Aspen was hiding behind her smile. No, not hiding. Pretending. It was part of the process. Eventually, a traumatized patient made a choice to smile, even when they didn’t feel like it. Adopting a fake-it-until-you-make-it persona.

“It’s ok to feel attraction, Aspen. Your healing is on your timeline, no one else’s. There is no right or wrong time to let go and move on.”

“I know. I’m just not sure I’m ready for anything other than appreciating from a far.”

“And that is perfectly acceptable.”

Aspen nodded her acceptance, and her shoulders relaxed.

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