Page 38 of Remy

The ride back seems to take forever. I was going to call Tianna, but I decided against it. I wanted to see her face when I brought Charlie home. I wanted to hold them both forever.

“She looks good on you,” Hodge says as we ride in the van. I look down at my sleeping daughter and smile.

“Feels good to be holdin’ her, brother. It’s not what I thought it would be. It’s more,” I tell him.

“Yeah, I bet it is. Tianna is gonna lose her shit when she sees that little girl,” he adds. I nod my head keeping Charlie held closely. I never thought I could love someone as much as Tianna but I feel it just looking at Charlie. She’s the absolute perfect little girl. My heart feels fuller than it ever has before. Knowing that she’s mine, that she’s home, and she’s safe. It means more to me than anyone could know.

We pull into the clubhouse parking lot, and the van shuts off. The guys pull in on the bikes and come to greet me as I climb out with Charlie sleeping soundly against my chest.

“You should be damn proud,” Gunner says as he nods toward her. I nod my head.

“I am. You have no idea how much,” I tell him. He smiles as we walk toward the door, and Kiki is the first one there to pull it open.

“Oh my God! Remy, she is gorgeous!” She cries. “Tianna is going to flip.”

“Where is she?” I ask her.

“She went to bed. She said she had a headache and wasn’t feeling well. This will surely make her feel better.” I smile as Kiki rubs Charlie’s back. This is what I’ve always wanted. A family. My family. Me, Tianna, and now Charlie. And the other baby she’s carrying? I don’t care whose baby that is. I want it. I want us.

I walk down the hall and turn the handle to open my bedroom door. It’s dark when I step inside, so I flip the light on, hoping it will cause Tianna to stir, but it doesn’t.

I can’t get the damn smile off my face as I walk closer to the bed and sit on the edge.

“Tianna?” I call her name softly, but she doesn’t move. “Tianna? Baby. I got somethin’ here for you,” I tell her, still smiling like I’ve won the best damn prize of all. And in a way, I have. When she still doesn’t move, I reach over and shake her a little.

“Baby?” I say louder now. What the hell is happening? Why isn’t she waking up? I shake her a little harder when I see the bottle.

“No. Fuck no, Tianna! Locke! Gunner!” I scream for them. Charlie wakes up and starts crying since I startled her. “Gunner!” I scream once more as loud as I can. I can hear boots hitting the floor as they come racing down the hallway.

“Tianna, baby. Come on. I got her back, I got Charlie back!” I yell as I shake her lifeless body.

The guys come racing into the room, and I tell them I think she took the pills. They jump into action, calling nine one one and shoving me out of the way. I hold a crying Charlie as I watch the scene unfold in front of me. It feels like my world is spinning out of control.

Tears burn the back of my eyes as I watch them start CPR. My heart shatters into a million little pieces. Kiki comes into the room, and I can vaguely hear her telling me to let her take Charlie, but I can’t do that. I can’t let her go yet. I hold her as she screams in my ear, but I can barely hear her.

You know when people say time stands still? It’s true. Time has stopped for me right now. I’m stuck standing here as everything around me happens in slow motion. The guys are running in and out of the room. Gunner has Tianna on the floor doing CPR. Locke is tugging at his hair as he tries to talk to me. But there’s nothing. I’m stuck. Not moving, not feeling, not thinking.

I don’t know what to do. What to think, what to say. I just … don’t know.

“Remy, you need to go. I’ll take care of her,” Kiki says as she pulls Charlie out of my arms.

“What?”

“The hospital, Remy. You need to go,” she says after the paramedics wheeled Tianna out. Yeah, she’s right; I need to go, but Charlie. She just got here.

“Charlie needs me.”

“I’ll take care of Charlie until you get back,” she assures me through her own tears. I nod my head as Locke walks over and slaps a hand on my shoulder, leading me out of our room. Kiki follows us to the door when I turn and hug my daughter. I kiss her little head and let Locke lead me out to the truck in a daze.

“She’s gonna be okay, Remy.”

“She didn’t want to do this anymore. She didn’t want to live like that,” I say out loud. I know she didn’t want to live with theknowledge of what happened to her and the baby inside her. But for Charlie, I thought she would. For me, I thought she would.

“She’s just confused and overwhelmed. She had no idea you had Charlie,” he tells me as we climb in and take off with Hodge and Gunner not far behind.

“I should have called her. I didn’t fuckin’ call her, Locke. I wanted to surprise her, and look what the fuck happened!” I roar.

“This isn’t on you, Remy! Don’t you dare go blamin’ yourself for this shit! She’s lived through hell to get back to you. She ain’t goin’ anywhere now!” He’s right. She did live through hell. And I just got her back. And Charlie. No. She can’t leave us now. She has no right to leave us now.

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