Page 34 of Remy

“Let’s clean you up,” she says softly. I nod my head and step in when she grabs the sponge and soap. I’m in a daze. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what’s happening. I feel numb and broken, as if nothing is ever going to be okay again.

Kiki washes me and then helps me dry and dress. I feel like I’m a walking zombie.

“Thanks.”

“You want a drink?”

“I … I don’t know what I want, Kiki.” She nods her head and leads me out of the room and down into the main room. She gets behind the bar after setting me on a stool and grabs a few things, sliding me one across. I take a sip and look at her strangely.

“No alcohol?” I ask her.

“For the baby,” she says softly. I nod my head. Even though I haven’t decided if I want to keep this child or not, she’s right. I did enough damage on my last drinking binge.

I turn my head and glance at the office when I hear Remy yelling.

“Locke’s with him,” Kiki says. I nod my head once more and go back to my drink. After a few minutes, Remy storms from the office, his eyes moving from me to the glass in my hand. In seconds, he’s across the room and snatching it from me.

“No more fuckin’ alcohol!”

“There’s nothing in it, Remy. I made it,” Kiki tells him. He looks over at her, and she nods to the glass. Remy brings it to his lips and takes a small drink before setting it back in front of me.

“You can’t tell me what to do,” I tell him. He grins, and it’s an evil grin. One I’ve never seen on him before.

“You wanna bet? You’re gonna start listenin’, Tianna. You’re pregnant, and I’m not havin’ no baby of mine fucked up because you want to drink.”

“It’s not yours, Remy.”

“I don’t need the goddamn reminder!” He yells. “I told you once, this baby is mine, and I will not fuckin’ say again after this. You can either accept that or don’t. I don’t give a shit either way.”

“You don’t really want it,” I tell him.

“If I didn’t want it, I wouldn’t fuckin’ claim it as mine, Tianna.”

“It could be anyone’s.”

“It’s not anyone’s. It’s mine.”

“Remy, come on,” I say, getting tired of this whole mess. This baby isn’t his. We don’t know whose it is and part kills me inside.

“Come on, what? Huh? You want me to say fine, Tianna, go do what you want, no big deal? Is that it?”

“I want you to consider my fucking feelings too, Remy! This isn’t just about you. I’m the one who was used and raped. I’m the one carrying god only knows who’s child. Not you!”

“You think I don’t fuckin’ get that? You think I don’t think about that shit too? The fact I couldn’t help you? That they did this to you, and I wasn’t there to save you from it? You think I don’t feel some kind of pain because of this shit?” Oh my God. I never thought about it like that. I was so focused on myself that I didn’t care what Remy felt. He’s always been the caring type. He’s always been there for me, and if he could have stopped this, he would have had he known. That’s my fault. I didn’t tell him.

“I’m sorry, Remy. I didn’t think about it like that.”

“No, you didn’t. You’re too focused on you. You think I don’t feel guilty as fuck this happened to you? That our daughter is gone? You think I don’t feel the goddamn pain of it all, Tianna, because you know what? I feel it. I fuckin’ feel it deep down in my goddamn heart, and it’s killin’ me inside. It’s fuckin’ killin’ me!” He screams before turning and walking away. Tears slide down my cheeks as I watch him go down the hall and back to the room. I hear the door slam as I fall apart one more time.

Chapter 21

Remy

I didn’t mean to lose it on her. No. Fuck that. I did mean to lose it on her. She had to hear it, though. She had to know I was just as fucking angry and full of pain as she is. That’s my daughter out there somewhere. My child I never knew existed. I shrug my cut on and grab my shit before heading back to the main room.

The sun’s coming up now, and by the time I make it back out there, the other guys are getting up.

“You look like shit. Didn’t sleep?” Hodge asks. I shake my head and glance over at Tianna at the bar in a fit of tears. There’s nothing else I can do for her. There’s nothing I can say that’s going to make this better.

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