Page 8 of Forever Mine

I didn’t let myself think until I was outta the parking lot and away from fuckin’ Billy. That’s when all my emotions caught up with me. I pulled a fuckin’ knife on him. What was wrong with me?

He was a druggie, but he was harmless. That so wasn’t necessary. I needed to get it together.

“Fuck!” I slammed my hand on the steering wheel.

I started to head to Dakota’s but hesitated. I wanted to see him. Fucking badly. But I didn’t want to go to him like this. Kota already saw through me better than anyone else ever had, even with my mask on. What would he see now when I couldn’t hide myself?

It was why, even when I said I’d go to Kota’s, I didn’t drive there and instead, headed over to the bar where Beck was working.

Like me, he didn’t need that job anymore. Riley’s bio dad, Wes, was covering a good chunk of the rent for the new place we were moving into, plus the security deposit. In the meantime, they were staying at Wes’s place, and he refused to let them pay shit. Still, Beck couldn’t give it up. We were both way too used to getting disappointed to let go enough not to have a backup plan.

Beck was at the bar, pouring a drink at the tap. He looked up when the bell rang, letting him know someone was here, but he didn’t have that panicked dead gaze I had started getting used to. After the fuckin’ pedophile who tormented him as a child had shown back up, Beck was struggling. Ri and I were wrecks, wondering if Beck would survive it this time.

It all came to a head a couple months ago when Ri killed the fucker, and Wes managed to clean it up without anyone finding out the truth. It took a while for Beck to relax, but it was good to see it happen.

He started to smile when he saw me, but frowned real quick as I got closer.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothin’s wrong, man. I can’t go see my best friend?”

Beckett rolled his eyes and grabbed a bottle of beer for me, opening and sliding it over.

“Don’t bullshit me. You look like shit. You and Dakota get into a fight?”

I took a long sip of my beer trying to think of something to say. “Nah, nothing like that. I just came back from the deli and wanted a beer. One of my old customers caught me unawares. Needed to take the edge off.” I shrugged like it was no big deal and I wasn’t in the middle of an internal crisis.

But Beckett had known me way too long and wasn’t falling for that. He narrowed his eyes at me. “What the fuck you mean, he took you unawares? Are you hurt?” There was a deadly note to his voice, that was usually only reserved for someone who fucked with Riley.

“Nah, I handled it. But the fucker turned to harder shit. You know how that always gets me.”

Beck nodded in understanding. Yeah, he knew. We’d both watched our folks wither away because of that nasty shit.

“Well, stay as long as you need. Beer’s on me, long as you don’t drive.”

I tilted the bottle at him in thanks before finishing it. I didn’t even put it down before Beck had another one out for me. He didn’t ask any more questions, just knew what I needed.

Two drinks turned to three and then four. Then some more. At some point, Beck stopped pouring me beer.

“Drink that.” Beck pushed a glass with something clear in it.

I took a sip and then spit it out on the bar. “The fuck is that? Tastes like nothin’.”

“It’s ’cause it’s water. Drink it, Jay.”

“Don’t need water,” I slurred. The bar was spinning, and the stool was getting harder to sit on. Was it uneven? Why was it wobbling so much?

“Yeah, ya do. Drink it, man. For me.”

He knew the magic words. “Fuck you.” But I still drank the fucking water.

Beck couldn’t babysit me for forever, though. He had a job he was doing. By the time he got back to me, I’d managed to sneak two more shots.

“Do you want me to call Dakota? Or Riley? Someone has to come pick up your ass.”

I shook my head. “Don’t bother them. They don’t need to deal with my shit. I’m such a fuckin’ fuck-up. Gonna end up just like my mama. May as well get started right.”

There was a glass filled with an amber-colored liquor on the bar next to me. Pretty sure it was for the guy sitting there, but I didn’t give a fuck. I picked it up and drank it.

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