Page 13 of Forever Mine

“No, you dumbass. I’m not leaving you. And if you think you’re gonna take the easy way out and just walk out on me, think again. I will not give up that easily.”

I was still confused. “Then I really don’t understand what’s happening. You’re mad at me. Which you should be. I screwed up. I shoulda called last night. I didn’t realize you’d be worried for me.”

Dakota scoffed and shoved at my chest, pushing me back a few steps just ’cause he took me by surprise.

“You didn’t realize I’d be worried for you?” His voice was dripping with disbelief. “Fucking hell, Jay. What the hell do you think this is?” He waved his hand between us, meaning our relationship. “You think I’m just here because of how good you dick me down?”

I didn’t respond and looked back down. I mean, I knew it was more than that. Dakota obviously cared. He made it clear over and over again that he wanted me. Didn’t make it any easier to believe, though. Also, Kota was a good fuckin’ person. He cared. He’d be worried for a stranger, not to mention someone who was more than that. I just wasn’t used to that shit. Even Beck expected me to disappear every now and then. It was why we added tracking to each other’s phones, so we could keep an eye on each other without being up each other’s asses when we needed space. Kota didn’t have tracking on me though. He never asked, and I didn’t offer. He’d have no idea if I was hurt or just needed some space.

Dakota didn’t say anything else, waiting for me to respond. I bit my lip, sucking in my lip ring. “I know it’s not just that. But I don’t know what else I could offer you that would make up for all the shit I put you through. I can’t figure out why the fuck you’d want to stay, darlin’.”

Besides Beck, anyone who wanted me around wanted something from me. More times than not, it was my body andmy willingness to do just about anything for some cash or food. And as soon as I became more trouble than I was worth, I was ditched. Even my ma kicked me out more times than I could count when I couldn’t keep up her supply of booze or drugs.

Logically, I got that Dakota wasn’t the same, but logic didn’t always play a part in the fucked up chaos of my brain.

Dakota raised his hands, cupping my face and forcing me to look him right in the eye. “I’ve been avoiding saying it because I was afraid it would push you away. But you’re pushing away anyway, so I may as well say the fucking words. I love you, Jaylin. I’ve loved you since you were just the scared, lonely guy sitting with his mom. You may not understand why, but you don’t have to understand it to know it’s true. You are lovable, Jay. You. Not for what you provide me, or the sex, or the jokes you tell. None of that fucking matters to me. I. Love. You.”

I tried to pull away. No. There was no fucking way. I didn’t care how many times Dakota had implied it, he couldn’t love me.

Kota wouldn’t let me go though. He held me right there in place. Tears started to fall down his cheeks, but he didn’t move.

“Jay, I love you. But I’m terrified for you. You’re not doing well, baby. I’m not just talking about last night either. You’ve been struggling for a while now. I didn’t know how to approach it, which is my fault, but I’m trying now.”

I couldn’t even deny it. Suddenly, I felt exhausted and couldn’t stand on my own two feet anymore. I all but collapsed into Kota’s arms.

“I’m scared, Kota. I’m so fucking scared.”

Dakota wrapped his arms around me tightly as I buried my face into the crook of his neck. His nails bit into the bare skin of my back, and that spark of pain was the only thing keeping me in the present.

“What are you scared of, baby? Please talk to me.”

I shook my head. The tears that had been threatening to come finally spilled and I was soaking Kota’s skin.

“Everything. All of it.”

“Please, Jay. I need more than that. I want to help, but I don’t know how to if you don’t talk to me.”

The words were lodged in my throat. If I said it out loud, it would make it real. It would bring life to the fear that had been dragging me down since the first time Kota and I kissed.

“No matter what you say, I’m not going anywhere. I’m here.”

My heart was hammering so hard, it was all I heard. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide. But Dakota deserved more than that. He should get everything.

“I’m scared of losing this. I can’t lose you, Kota.” Then I started to sob.

CHAPTER 6

DAKOTA

My heart shatteredinto a thousand tiny pieces as I carefully lowered Jay and myself to the ground. I wasn’t sure he even noticed when his knees hit the floor, he just kind of fell into me, his body still wracked with rough, hiccup-inducing sobs.

I was…lost. All I wanted to do was fix this, make this right, but I had no idea how. This wasn’t how I imagined the morning going, and it was making me feel helpless. I expected the fighting. I expected the indifference and for Jay to try to push me away. I even half expected him not to take it seriously at all and brush it off. What I didn’t expect was for him to completely break down like this.

I doubted words would help, so I just held Jay as tightly as I could and let him cry it out. His nails were digging into my skin and would likely leave marks, but I didn’t dare ask him to stop. I moved one of my hands to his hair and held the longer length on top in a tight but not painful grip. He needed to know I was there. That he hadn’t scared me away, despite his best attempts.

My mind raced as the heart-wrenching sobs started to die down to quiet whimpers. I was already planning to suggest that Jay get professional help, but I was even more convinced he needed it. I would do anything for him, and so would Beckettand Riley, but none of us were trained professionals. There was only so much we could do to help.

It was a touchy subject for them for valid reasons. Beckett had been sexually abused by his former therapist for years. None of them were very trusting to begin with, and after being betrayed and hurt like that, it was like talking to a brick wall getting any of the three of them to listen. Riley’s dad and his group of friends had been trying to convince them, but no one was really pushing Jay. That would be my job. I had no idea how to broach it though, and had a feeling now might not be the best time.

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