Page 11 of Forever Mine

“I’m gonna be sick.” Beck said something but I was already bolting out of the bed and somehow made it to the toilet before losing all the contents in my stomach.

Once I was sure I had nothing left in me, I collapsed, resting my head against the cold bathroom tile. It felt good and emphasized my shame. I wish I could remember last night so at least I knew how badly I fucked up.

There were footsteps heading in my direction. I hadn’t bothered to close the door, since I was more worried about puking on Kota’s floor than privacy, but now I wished I had. I was still tempted to close and lock it, delay the shit storm that would be coming for a few more minutes, since I was a fuckin’ coward.

I didn’t though. Mostly because I didn’t have the strength to stand. But also because I wouldn’t hurt Dakota anymore. Evenif he was coming in here to dump my ass and wash his hands of me, I needed to face it head-on. Running from him was only making things worse.

Kota walked into the bathroom. He had acan of ginger ale in one hand and a bottle of pills in his other.

He eyed me with a clinical glance, like I was one of his fuckin’ patients. I forced myself to lift my head off the floor. If I was gonna get kicked to the curb, I wanted to do it with a little bit of dignity.

Kota stayed quiet. He just sighed heavily and sank to the floor next to me.

“Here, drink some of this, and then take these. I’m guessing you have a bad headache right about now.”

I winced again, suddenly remembering the butcher knife repeatedly stabbing my temples.

“Just a little.”

Dakota rolled his eyes. “Just drink, Jay.”

I tried to swallow, but my throat was bone dry. Fuck. I tried to take the drink from Dakota, but he held on to it. So I just propped myself up on weak arms and put the straw to my lips.

After taking the pills and drinking about half the can of soda, I was feeling better. Enough that Dakota stood up and took the can with him.

“Why don’t you take a shower? I’ll make us something to eat.”

He started to leave but I reached out for him, hesitating before my hand made contact with his arm. I heard him suck in a breath, but he stopped, still staring toward the door.

“Kota…”

“Not yet, Jay. Get cleaned up. We’ll eat and then we’ll talk.”

Jay walked out, closing the door behind him.

“Fuck!” I banged my head against the wall, which spoiler alert, didn’t fuckin’ help my headache, “Fuck.”

I didn’t wanna shower. I wanted to chase Dakota and beg him for forgiveness. Promise that I’d stop being such a fuck-up and fix whatever mess I made last night. But somehow, I stopped myself. It would only piss Kota off more if I didn’t listen and get myself cleaned up. Plus, anything I said would probably be a lie. Even if I tried, I’d find a way to mess it all up and drive Dakota away. Everyone but Beck and Riley always gave up on me. The only reason they didn’t was ’cause they were as fucked up as me.

Dakota wasn’t, though. He was everything good in this world. He was successful and driven, and never once spent the night on the streets or traded his body for a loaf of bread. He never knew what it was like to feel so alone, like ending everything seemed like the only option. He was so fucking pure, and I was tainting him with my poison. Maybe I could just let him walk away. It would be best for everyone.

I finally turned on the water. Kota’s shower got hot. Not lukewarm, but hot. It was glorious. But I only turned it up halfway, letting the almost too-cold water cover my body.

I should hurry up, but the shower was doing wonders in waking me up and taking the edge off of the headache. It was easing the hangover enough for me to remember more details of the night before. I was pretty sure my phone was dead somewhere, but if I charged it, I was positive there would be missed calls and ignored texts from Dakota.

If I could’ve stalled for longer, I would’ve, but eventually, I shut the water off and grabbed the towel that was hanging over the bar. It smelled like Dakota. Fuck, so did I since I used his body wash. I brought the towel to my nose and inhaled, trying to commit it to memory. If it was the last time I ever got to smell like him, I was going to savor every moment.

With the towel wrapped around my waist, I made my way back to Kota’s bedroom and to his dresser where he had adrawer for me with all the clothes I’d left there over the last few months.

I had to swallow back emotion once I opened up the drawers. It wasn’t much. A pair of sweats, a couple jeans, my favorite hoodie that Dakota often stole from me, one work coverall, two t-shirts, and a few pairs of underwear, but it meant so much. It was mine. He made space for me. Would he make me clear out that drawer when he kicked me out of his life or would he keep it to remember me by?

I quickly grabbed the sweats, not bothering with anything else, and turned away, my eyes burning.Get it together, Jay. This isn’t like you. Nothing bothers you. Put a smile on your face. Joke and brush off your emotions.

Taking a deep breath, I finally left the bedroom. I immediately smelled eggs and bacon. Normally the smell would make my mouth water, but today all it did was churn my stomach. I was gonna be sick and I didn’t know if it was the hangover or nerves.

I forced myself to walk toward the kitchen. Dakota had his back to me as he worked on the stove. He also hadn’t bothered with a shirt, only wearing low hung black joggers, which were a fuckin’ weakness for me.

I took a moment to admire him. Dakota wasn’t particularly buff or muscled. His stomach was soft, as were his thighs. But his shoulders were broad, and his arms were more defined than the rest of him. People didn’t realize how physical being a nurse could be. Especially a male nurse, since they were always grabbed when they needed to lift or assist with bigger patients. It might not be obvious, but my man could manipulate the fuck outta my body when he was in a mood. I licked my lips, remembering the times he flipped me onto the bed and had his way with me.

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