Page 10 of Forever Mine

I ran my hand up and down Jay’s tattooed arm that was thrown haphazardly over his face, like he was trying to protect himself. Tattoos covered most of Jay’s body. A lot of them were from his buddy who was apprenticing at a tattoo shop. Theywere random, and some of them pretty fucking shitty, but I still loved them. I had memorized every single one of them over the last few months that we’d been together. I could probably trace them with my eyes closed.

They weren’t all arbitrary though. The heavily inked black roses on the inside of his forearm that started at his wrist and went all the way up to his elbow served a dual purpose. They were a tribute to Beck and Riley’s mom, a woman Jay never met, but it was to represent his brotherhood with Beck. Apparently, Beck had a tattoo representing Jay, but neither of them would tell me what it was or what it meant. The roses also covered up the heavy scarring on Jay’s wrist. He didn’t like talking about it, and I didn’t know any of the details, but I did catch him staring at it sometimes, looking lost.

“What are we gonna do, baby?” I whispered to the darkness as I lightly pressed my lips against the scarred and tattooed skin. “I want to help you, but you have to work with me here.”

Of course Jay didn’t answer. He was utterly still as he slept off his drunken stupor. Only the rise and fall of his chest let me know he was even breathing. I watched that chest rise and fall for minutes, possibly hours, unable to look away.

But eventually, the lack of sleep was getting to me. I luckily had the day off tomorrow, but I still needed rest because I’d be starting a four-day-in-a-row shift the following day. I pushed myself off the bed and forced myself to leave Jay long enough to go into the bathroom and get ready for bed.

I wasn’t gone for longer than five minutes, but it didn’t stop all the worst-case scenarios from running through my head. Would I come back to find him choking on his own vomit? Or would he not be in the bed at all? By the time I finished brushing my teeth, and threw my clothes into the hamper, my nerves were fucking shot and I threw the bathroom door open, unable to catch my breath.

Jay was exactly where I left him. Eyes clothes, covered in my throw blanket, and breathing softly. I took a deep shuddery breath. “Fuck.”

“It’s okay. He’s okay. Everything else can wait till the morning.” I kept repeating that to myself as I climbed into the bed next to him.

As tired as I was, I thought I’d fall right to sleep, but it was more difficult than expected. I was dreading tomorrow. I had no idea how Jay would react. There was every possibility that he would get scared and defensive and run. It was my biggest fear, and one of the reasons I let things go for so long, but I couldn’t do it any longer.

I loved Jay. He was it for me. But I had to think about my well-being too. He had been on a downward spiral since…well, since his mom died probably, but things were good for a while. We’d been caught up in each other and the bliss of the all-consuming feelings we both had for each other, even if we hadn’t admitted it.

However, lately it was getting harder and harder to ignore it. Jay was struggling. It seemed the better his life was getting, the more he pushed against it. I had taken enough psychology classes in college to get what was happening and to understand. But something had to give. Either Jay had to get help or…well, I didn’t want to think about theor. I told Jay I’d fight for him till the end, and that was true. I wasn’t giving up. But I needed him to fight for himself too.

Just as my eyes were finally getting too heavy to continue to avoid sleep, Jay moved, his arms and legs wrapping around me. He unconsciously brought me closer so we were plastered against each other without an inch of space. His arms tightened around me, like he was afraid if he allowed me even a smidgen of room, I would leave him.

Tears filled my eyes and I blinked them back. I kissed his bicep, the only thing I could reach from the position. “We got this, baby. We’ll get through this.”

I could only hope I was telling the truth.

CHAPTER 5

JAY

“What the fuckis that sound? Make it stop.”

Some high-pitched irritating noise infiltrated my brain, adding to the already stabbing headache that was pounding through my temples. I squeezed my eyes shut, like that would do a damn thing. My hand found a pillow and I threw it over my head, blocking it out a little.

“It’s my phone, hang on,” Dakota’s sleepy voice came from beside me. The bed dipped, and then miraculously, the noise fuckin’ stopped.

“Hello?”

“Yeah, sorry. He’s fine. It was a late night. I think his phone is dead and I didn’t hear your messages. Sure, hang on.”

“Jay?”

I grunted but still didn’t open my eyes.

“It’s Beckett. He wants to make sure you’re alive.”

I groaned. Last night was…hazy. I remembered blowing off Dakota and showing up at the bar Beck worked at. I remembered having a few beers, and then thenext thing I knew Dakota was there and dragging my ass out of the bar. Everything in between was a blur. I had no idea how I got here, but Dakota must’vebrought me back to his place. I would recognize the smell of his sheets anywhere.

“Jay, you know he’s not going to hang up until you talk to him.”

“Damn fuckin’ right. Let me hear your voice, man. You scared the fuck outta me last night.” Beck all but yelled through the phone. I winced. His voice was filtered and muffled but it was still fuckin’ loud andhurt.

The guilt was enough to make me open my eyes though. Thankfully the lights were still off, even if the phone was fuckin’ blinding. I squinted at the screen, glad that Beck didn’t video chat.

“Was I that bad?” It wasn’t what I meant to say but it got a laugh out of Beck and an irritated snort from Dakota.

Beck started talking, but my attention turned completely to Kota. His expression was neutral as he looked somewhere beyond my shoulder, but I knew this man inside and out. Something was wrong. My gut churned.

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