Page 497 of Hate Mates

Hazel: Just checking to make sure you’re not hungover.

Hazel: If you are hungover know it’s not my fault it’s Janna’s because of the shots.

I can’t help smiling at the screen. Hazel’s one of my oldest friends, and it’s just like her to text me the second she rolls out of bed. If I know Hazel, she might not have rolled out of bed yet at all. She’s probably texting me from under the covers of the blow-up mattress I set up on the floor of my bedroom last night.

Luna: I’m ok.

Luna: Just came to the beach for a swim.

Hazel: Oh god already? It’s so early though!

I chuckle as I look at the time.

Luna: It’s almost eleven.

Hazel: Yeah but we were up so late! How did you sleep?

I don’t want to tell her that I barely closed my eyes. I know I slept, but I didn’t feel rested when I became aware of the room again, and then it was too bright outside and my head was too full of thoughts to try again. So I lie. I don’t want them worrying about me any more than they already are. And I don’t want to taint last night. It means everything to me that they came out to surprise me.

Luna: Good! How about you?

Hazel: Slept so hard. Kind of half sleeping still, but I’ll get up if you want company. Did you go far?

Luna: Not too far, don’t worry about me.

Hazel: I always worry about you.

Hazel: Think you’ll head back soon or do you need more beach time?

Luna: A little more I think.

Hazel: I’ll be here. :)

Tears prick as I realize, last night didn’t make it hurt less. I think the loss is heavier this morning.

Nothing makes it hurt less. I thought the condo would help for multiple reasons. My mom loved this town and loved spending time here in the summers. A condo near the beach and a change of scenery? It should have changed me, too. The sunshine and the memories where nothing mattered and every day was a vacation is what I was after. The party last night was a last-ditch attempt to cheer me up after I called Hazel in tears, wanting to bail on the lease. A month felt like way too long to survive. She got my two other closest friends, Janna and Lindsey, in her car and arrived here with bags of food and even more booze, plus all the movies we liked to watch in school and all our favorite music loaded on her phone.

Ihaveto let it help. I have to getsomethingout of last night. I can’t be the same as I was yesterday, before my friends came.

I try to remind myself of everything I have to be grateful for. The gorgeous weather. The beautiful beach, tucked in next to a small town that’s cozy and welcoming. All the places I used to visit with my mom when we came here. Friends who care so much about me that they dropped all their plans to come party with me for the weekend.

I have so much. I can’t deny that. My thumb rubs rhythmic circles on the shell I found. This shell even and what it means to me.

It’s just that I miss my mom so much. I didn’t realize before she died that missing her would replace everything else. I don’t know who I was before I didn’t grieve for her, and every time I try to remember, all I can think is that she’s gone, and she’s never coming back.

Tears sting my eyes, so I close them gently and tilt my face into the breeze.

“You would think this is a beautiful day and you would have loved last night,” I tell my mother, though I know she can’t hear me. She loves my friends and would have sang karaoke with us if she were here. I look down at the shell in my hand and force myself up before the tears start falling and I move back to the water.

I wish I could have a sign from her. One single sign that would tell me that she’s okay and that life is going to be okay. “Just one sign, please Mom?”

Chapter Three

PARKER

Three cups of coffee down and it’s not that bad of a day.

The weather is warm and sunny, and the waves in the ocean aren’t too rough—so there are quite a few people on the beach. Some of them are even having parties and cookouts. That means they’re in an even better mood. The sales seem to come in bursts. I sell a few pieces, then hang out for a while, watching the waves from across the shore, then sell a few more. I’ve got a piece I’m working on in the back too. The contractor is nearly done and even though I’m barely hanging in there and tired as hell, I’m damn happy with how the day’s gone.

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