Page 13 of Someday You Learn

Our connection?This woman must be certifiable because I think I’ve said a total of ten words to her, but apparently, she is already planning our wedding.

Okay, let me back up.

In the last year, my single status has remained intact, just the way I like it. Watching my two older brothers and my friend Grady fall in love over the past two years has only confirmed that I don’t want to end up in that situation again. Luckily for them, they found women who didn’t make them question the sanctity of love and marriage, but the vulnerability, the trust, theworkit takes to be the “best version” of yourself for someone else? No thanks. My issues have been serving me well for the past four years, and I have no intention of changing that anytime soon.

But last spring, I became an unexpected chick magnet, and not in the sense you might think. My brother Dallas and his wife, Willow, noticed a goose had laid some eggs on their property. It didn’t surprise me since the gaggle of geese practically became pets after Willow moved into the house she inherited almost two years ago. Willow became a little obsessive about them, texting me at all hours with “prenatal” concerns about the mom’s diet and how uncomfortable she looked while waiting for them to hatch.

So, the next time I was at their place, I humored her by giving the goose an “exam.” I got on the ground, talked to the geese, checked the nest, and dodged the hissing mom and dad, who clearly weren’t thrilled about my visit. I explained to Willow that no, she didn’t need to worry about giving the goose a pregnancy pillow or calcium supplements and went over what they should do until the eggs hatched.

Apparently, she’d been recording the whole thing. She posted the video online with the caption:A man who takes care of animals…And he’s single, ladies??

To make matters worse, I’d just come from the beach, so I was only wearing a pair of swim trunks. Now, dodging overly eager women who want to take my last name as their own has become my daily routine. You’d think the video would have died down quickly, but every time I went to check on the geese, she’d film me again. I had no idea—it took me a while to figure out why random women started throwing themselves at me. Now, it’s been months of this shit, and all my siblings think it’s a fucking riot.

Thanks a lot, Willow.

As I reach for the clinic’s door handle, Christy stops me with her hand on my shoulder. “Parker…”

Inhaling deeply, I turn around to face the woman, hoping that some directness will get through to her. “Christy, you seem lovely, but I’m not interested in dating right now.”

Her head rears back on her neck. “But I’m a catch.”

“I’m sure you are, but I’m just not available.”

Her hand drops from my shoulder as her entire demeanor changes, her eyes narrow, and if she could, I’m pretty sure she’d shoot laser beams at me. “God, you’re just like every other guy on the internet.”

“And how’s that?” I ask, not necessarily eager for her response, but curious, nonetheless.

“You put on a show for the camera and then turn out to be an asshole in real life.”

Shaking my head so I don’t say something to spur this woman on, I turn back to the door and enter the hospital just as three of the technicians scatter from their post at the front counter.

“Subtle, ladies.”

Cassandra smiles. “What level of crazy was that one?”

“On a scale from one to ten, probably a five.”

“That’s it? I saw her parked out there when I came in at six this morning.”

My eyes bug out of my head. “Okay, maybe closer to a seven or eight. She wanted to go out this Saturday.”

“Did she start planning your imaginary wedding too?” Kelly, our newest tech, interjects with a smile on her lips.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if she did, but I turned her down before she could tell me the colors of our napkins and place settings.”

“We have a problem.” All four of us spin to find Beth, our lead technician, striding out to the front of the office. Beth has been here since Dr. O’Neil’s father was still alive. She practically runs this practice now. Everyone knows you do not want to be on this woman’s bad side.

We follow her to the back and join the rest of the staff in a huddle.

“Dr. O’Neil fell at his house this morning,” she announces.

“What?” “Oh my god!” Several of the employees exclaim their shock at the same time. Seth and I lock eyes across the room, knowing exactly what this means for us.

In the past year, I’ve come to respect the man more as a doctor, but we’re never going to be grabbing beers together or painting each other’s finger nails—not that I do that with other men, but you get what I’m saying. We coexist for the sake of the practice, but that’s it.

“Is he all right?” I ask over the staff’s murmurs.

Beth nods at me. “Luckily, nothing’s broken, but he will be off duty for the rest of the week and part of next. So, that means we’re down a doctor.”

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