Page 71 of Someday You Learn

“Uh, she had a meeting with Willow the other day at Astrid’s bakery. She said Scottie and Hazel were there for a little bit…” I grow more anxious the longer this conversation continues.

Dallas snaps his fingers. “That’s gotta be it.”

“What’s gotta be what?”

Grady smacks me on the back of the head. “They’re plotting, dipshit. I thought you were a doctor?”

I shove him away. “Fuck you, Grady. My mind is a fucking mess, okay? Between my roommate’s Jedi mind tricks and battling Seth at work, I’m barely keeping my own name straight these days.”

“Well, I think your fake fiancée knows exactly what she’s doing, and step one is making you give in to your attraction to her,” Penn says.

My face is starting to hurt from squinting at my brother as I try to wrap my head around what he’s saying. “What would possess her to do that? I already agreed to help her with this charade…”

“Yeah, but what if she wants more than just a fake engagement?” Dallas asks.

I rewind the last four weeks in my mind—all the little moments, touches, and conversations we’ve shared. The confident woman I slept with a year ago definitely wasn’t shy about her body then, but to think that she’d be trying to use it against me? I just don’t know if I believe it.

Getting involved with each other beyond our agreement opens up a can of worms I’ve kept secret for a reason. But I can’t deny that Cashlynn makes me want to set those worms free. She has this softness about her that makes me feel like I can let my guard down, even though sometimes when I’m around her, I feel like I have to keep it up just so I don’t feel too much.

“I don’t know that I can offer her anything more,” I admit.

Dallas leans over the bar, looking me straight in the eye. “But do you want to?”

I look into the eyes of my older brother, trying to remind myself that he faced his demons, and so did Penn. If they could do it, maybe I’m not destined to be alone forever. Maybe every relationship isn’t doomed to fail.

“Is it worth the risk?” I say, my voice so low I’m surprised they hear me.

“Fuck yes,” Dallas says, without hesitation. “Willow is the best fucking thing to happen to me, Parker. But if I hadn’t dealt with my shit, who knows what would have happened between us?”

I toss my glasses onto the bar and drag my hands down my face. “I don’t know if I can handle this right now. With Robert retiring, I already have so much going on and—”

“Let me ask you this,” Penn says, cutting me off. “If Robert chooses Seth instead of you, then what?”

My stomach twists as I turn to look at him. “I—I don’t fucking know.”

“So you’re willing to take a risk with your career, but not with your heart? Your job isn’t going to keep you warm at night. Your job won’t give you a reprieve from the bullshit of life. Your job won’t show you what it really means to live.” His tone softens, but his next words hit harder. “I hate to say it, Parker, but you’re replaceable at your job. We all are. But you can’t replace the people who matter, and being with Cashlynn might just help you put that all into perspective.”

I can’t deny that Penn is right.

I have a woman right in front of me that makes me feel something for the first time in years. But can I let go of the past so I can move forward with her?

Or will I always be waiting for the other shoe to drop?

***

“Cashlynn?”

When I step through the front door, I expect to see Cashlynn on the couch working on her laptop or in the kitchen making a cup of tea. Over the past couple of weeks, that seems to be her evening routine. But the house is eerily quiet and my chest tightens as a flicker of unease creeps in.

Maybe she went out drinking?

She’s not Sasha, Parker. She’s not out drinking. That’s not her.

As I try to talk myself down from a spiral, I hear her voice down the hall. I let out a breath of relief, but then my stomach churns with fresh nerves as I remember the conversation with the guys earlier.

I had a very hard time concentrating at work after I left Catch & Release, warring with myself over what to do about my growing feelings for this woman. I know what my body wants, that much is clear. But my mind is still having a hard time catching up.

Before I can second-guess myself, I make my way to her door, hand raised to knock. But the words I hear come out of Cashlynn’s mouth stop me dead in my tracks.

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