Page 104 of Someday You Learn

I trust him, but I also feel like I’m being kept in the dark.

He lets out a groan as he rubs his temple. “I think I need to just close my eyes for a bit.”

“Okay.”

I expect him to head to the bedroom, but instead, he grabs a throw pillow and pushes it into my lap. Kicking off his shoes, he stretches out along the couch, resting his head against my stomach.

“Is this okay?” he murmurs.

“Of course, Parker,” I whisper, stroking his hair softly as his breathing evens out. Watching him drift off, I wonder what demons haunt him in his sleep—and whether he’ll ever let me help him face them.

Chapter nineteen

Parker

“How have the past two weeks been, Parker?”

Dr. Jensen is sitting in her usual chair, notepad balanced on her knee.

I wasn’t able to see her last week because she went on vacation, but honestly, I think that was what I needed, time to process how we left our last session.

“Interesting.”

“How so?”

“Well, for starters, I didn’t like that little cliff hanger thing you pulled last time.” I wave a finger at her. Her smirk tells me she knew exactly what she was doing. “But it definitely made me think.”

“And what conclusions or realizations did you come to?” Her pen is poised on her pad, ready to capture my thoughts.

I clench and unclench my hands in my lap. “That maybe the way I remember my relationship with Sasha makes me place blame on myself, but she was responsible for the deterioration of it too.”

Dr. Jensen smiles. “Okay. Tell me more.”

“Well, it’s like you suggested…she didn’t share her struggles with me about alcohol, and even though I know that we both changed, we didn’t change together. Both of us played a part in our relationship dissolving, something I think I was forgetting to acknowledge.”

“And how does that make you feel?”

“Like my chest is a little lighter,” I say honestly.

She nods while jotting down a few notes. “Okay, so I love that you’ve had some time to think, and now I want to go back to your ‘what if’ game that you said your brain likes to play with you all the time.” Setting her notepad to the side, she uncrosses her legs and then leans forward in her chair. “A lot of times when our minds generate ‘what if’ thoughts, they are rooted in fear and helplessness.”

“Uh, yeah that sounds about right. Those are two things I hate fucking feeling.”

“And it’s completely normal. But the good thing is, we can shift those thoughts by changing just one word.”

I lean forward, mirroring her position. “Okay…”

“Instead of thinking ‘what if,’ change it to ‘even if.’”

“Even if?” I repeat, my brows knitting together.

She nods. “Yes. For example, instead of saying, ‘What if I get hurt again?’ you say, ‘Even if I get hurt again…” My brows draw together, but she continues. “By changing one word, we give our brain the affirmation that even if something happens, we can figure it out and get through it.”

“Yeah, but how do I know that?”

She straightens in her chair. “Well, let me ask you this: Have you gotten through everything you’ve dealt with in life so far?”

“Well, yeah…”

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