Page 103 of Someday You Learn

I just hope that my heart doesn’t end up broken because his might still be too damaged to love me back.

***

The front door opens, startling me from my focus. I was having trouble concentrating in my room earlier, so I moved my laptop and notebooks out to the dining room table, planning to get in another hour of work before starting dinner.

But when Parker walks in just after five, the look on his face immediately sets off my alarm bells.

Standing from my chair, I walk over to him as he sets his bag on the floor by the door. “Parker, is everything okay?”

He blows out a breath and heads in my direction, wrapping me in his arms and burying his face in my neck. “Just a shitty day.”

Rubbing his back as he holds me tightly, I give him a moment and just soak up his warmth. I hate that his day was awful, but part of me is enjoying every minute he’s finding comfort in me. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Sometimes I really hate this job,” he says, surprising me.

“Never thought I’d hear you say those words.”

He releases me and drags a hand through his hair before removing his glasses and setting them on the kitchen table. “I had to euthanize four dogs today, two of which were emergencies that were too late to fix.”

I can almost feel my heart crack. “I’m sorry.” Gently taking his hand, I lead him toward the couch. I take out my phone and order some food for delivery, deciding neither of us is going to want to cook tonight.

We settle into the couch, Parker resting his feet on the coffee table in front of him as he leans back and stares at the ceiling. “It never gets easier,” he says as his voice cracks. “I feel like a failure when I can’t save them.”

“I can imagine.”

“And watching the owners have to say goodbye fucking sucks.”

“My dad used to say that was the hardest part of the job too.”

He shakes his head, his eyes still directed above us. “It’s not fair that dogs don’t live as long as people.”

“Yeah, I agree. We always had a dog growing up, and our last one died right after my mom did. I think between the two, my father and I agreed we couldn’t handle another loss, and I was about to move away for college, so he didn’t want to take on that responsibility again by himself.”

He finally turns to me. “I felt that way as soon as I moved back home. I was focused on work, and then with Sasha…” he starts, but stops almost instantly, as if he caught himself talking about something he shouldn’t.

Adrenaline races through me. “What about Sasha?”

He shakes his head, darting his eyes away from me. “Nothing.”

“You know you can talk to me about her, Parker,” I say, hoping he’ll use this moment to break through this wall that’s between us. I know we both can feel it, but there’s something still holding him back. “Are you ever going to tell me about her?” I ask, trepidation in my voice, but once the words are out, I’m curious as to what he’ll say.

He lets out a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumping. His hands clench as he wars with himself, every ounce of frustration visible in his body. But he finally turns to me, his gaze full of vulnerability. “I want to do right by you, Cashlynn. I don’t want to carry my issues into another relationship.”

“Then why can’t you tell me what’s going on?” I ask softly, optimistic that his admission means he does want a relationship with me. “Or what happened—so I can try to understand.”

“I’mstill trying to understand it, Cashlynn.”His eyes close as he contemplates what to say next. “But I’m working on it.”

Well, that’s both promising and vague. “All right…”

He turns to me again and reaches for my hand. “I’m just asking you to trust me.”

“I do.”

“And be patient.”

“I—I told you that I would.”

His gaze drops down to our hands. Silence hangs between us, and honestly, I’m not sure what else to say.

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