Page 19 of Playing with Fire

Wild woman:Can we meet up so I can explain?

Smiling down at the request, Beckett already knew his reply before his fingers flew across the screen to send it.

Beckett:Just tell me where and when. I’ll be there.

As soon as the information came to his phone, he pointed his car south and drove, though the closer Beckett got to where Willa was, the more it felt like he was heading toward his true North.

Chapter Twelve

~Willa~

Willa paced the living room, stealing the occasional glance out of the large window that faced the street, her heart kicking into high gear the moment she saw Beckett’s car pull up to the house. After a long, intense discussion with Lottie about her love life that morning, Willa came to the same conclusion she had reached hours before all on her own, she had messed up big time in regards to how she had left things with a certain gorgeous firefighter earlier that morning.

Over cups of strong coffee and heaping bowls of Froot Loops, Willa and Lottie dissected every moment of her date the night before. She left some of the racier details out, keeping those just for herself, but other than that, she told her best friend everything. Willa spoke about how Beckett made her feel safe in a way she hadn’t thought possible again, had her feeling more in one simple evening than she ever had in months with anyone else, and how it had freaked her the hell out to the point where she bolted from his bed faster than her feet could carry her.

After she finished listening to Willa tell her tale, Lottie came to one resounding conclusion. “I get that being with creepy Jeff probably fucked you up in ways that I am sure you are only just discovering,” Lottie said matter-of-factly.

Hearing her love life described so harshly yet accurately had Willa’s cereal souring in her stomach. Pushing her bowl away, Willa stared back at her friend. “That’s bleak,” she muttered.

Lottie silenced her with a raised hand and continued her armchair analysis. “That being said, don’t let what that asshole did to you steal your joy. Did you like being with Beckett?” Willa’s mouth involuntarily twitched at the corners. Lottie snorted. “Then be with him, Will. No one said that onenight in bed equates to promising your hand in marriage to the man. Just keep seeing him and feel things out. Maybe you guys have amazing chemistry and that’s what’s got you so twisted up, or maybe you’ll connect on a deeper level and end up having something really great. Either way, you won’t know if you don’t try.”

Willa hadn’t told her friend that she already knew she could have something great with Beckett, but she had the feeling Lottie could guess that from the wistful look that had been plastered on her face. Even so, Lottie was right about her pulling away before even really giving things with Beckett a shot, but how could Willa wade into relationship waters again when she was so frightened that she would drown? It seemed impossible.

No matter how Willa decided to proceed with the man, there was one thing she knew she had to do, and that was apologize. After agonizing over what to say and how to say it, she finally put together a message, feeling the fifty-pound weight that had sat on her chest all morning starting to dissipate the second she clicked send. Things got even better when she saw the immediate reply from Beckett. As Willa watched him hop out of his car, she felt almost back to normal.

Her eyes followed him as he sauntered up to the front door, his jeans molding to his thick legs and the strength of the cotton of his t-shirt being tested as it stretched across his broad chest. Beckett looked so good it was almost criminal, but when Willa clocked his hands stuffed tightly into his pockets, the rise of his shoulders, and his uneasy expression, her heart sank at the thought that she contributed to the nervousness in his gait.

Beckett seemed to hesitate on the stoop, his hands raking through his sandy hair multiple times before he finally seemed to get up the nerve to ring the doorbell. Willa should feel better knowing she wasn’t the only one feeling a little anxious this afternoon, but she still felt guilty for starting this mess. Now thatBeckett was here, at least she could go about trying to undo the damage.

Breathing deeply to calm herself, she finally opened the door for him. “Hi, Beck.” Willa tried for a smile but didn’t quite make it. There was an awkward tension between them and she hated it. Needing something to do with her hand other than reach for his, Willa beckoned him inside. “Won’t you come in?”

With a nod, Beckett stepped over the threshold and followed Willa over to the living room. The clean lines of the simple wooden furniture that filled the space made everything feel oddly formal, like they were sitting down for an interview instead of clearing the air about what was happening between them. Beckett folded himself onto the blue sofa, dwarfing that particular piece of furniture under his large frame. He scanned the room for a minute, taking in the golden, sputnik chandelier and Jackson Pollock-style paintings as Willa sat on the chair next to him.

After he’d finished taking in the space, Beckett gazed into her eyes. The beauty of his own irises couldn’t hide his unease. “This place is a trip,” he finally said to fill the silence.

“It is.” Willa nodded her agreement because Lottie’s house was definitely from another time and place, but as tempting as it was, she didn’t want to use the stylish surroundings as a distraction. “Do you really want to talk about the house?”

Beckett’s head moved slowly from side to side. “Not really, but I thought I would let you lead.” That was like him, giving Willa the time and space to form her thoughts. It made her hopeful that knowing that might make what she had to tell him easier to say.

Willa’s stomach buzzed anxiously as Beckett gestured for her to start, and she found herself toying with the ties on the yellow peasant blouse she wore to avoid having to speak forone minute more. Finally, when she felt ready, Willa dropped her hands into her lap and met his gaze. The hazel color she had become so fond of was dimmer than usual, and her gut sank further at the sight of it, wanting to bring the lightness that seemed a permanent fixture back in his eyes. Beckett had always looked so affable that to see him on guard was slightly disconcerting.

Sighing, Willa reached over and took his large hands in hers, pleased when he didn’t flinch or pull away. “First off, I’m sorry that I snuck out this morning. At the very least I should have left a note or sent a text so you didn’t worry or feel abandoned.” She gulped as she remembered how she’d absconded from his bed. “It was not my best moment.”

The corner of Beckett’s mouth ticked up as he faced her. “I appreciate the apology, though youdidsay you didn’t want anything serious, so you don’t really owe me one. Maybe next time you can just elbow me in the side so I can drive you home. If you’re okay with that.” Concern painted his face and his fingers tightened around hers. “How did you get home anyway? Please tell me you didn’t walk.”

Willa’s back stiffened at the scolding undercurrent of his tone and she drew her hands back defensively, the furrow in Beckett’s brow deepening at the move. “No, I didn’t walk. I’m not totally inept.” She huffed an annoyed breath. “I called Lottie. She came and got me.”

Willa’s eyes pinged around the room, looking everywhere except at him. It wasn’t until she felt him lightly brushing her hand again without grabbing it that she felt her jaw unclench. “Want to tell me where you went just then? It seems like I said something that clearly made you uncomfortable, a little mad even, and I’d like to know what, but you don’t owe me an explanation.” His eyes bored into hers when he next spoke. “I like you, Willa, quite a bit, but if I’ve been misreading things, I’llleave you alone. I don’t want to force something that isn’t there.”

Each word seemed to cost Beckett greatly, his expression getting more pained the longer he talked. The thought of him leaving Willa alone, never to come back again pained her as well, but it was so hard to move forward when the past was constantly trying to drag her back into the sea of hurt it had been. It seemed like she would never be free of it, but if she wanted to move toward a brighter future, telling Beckett about it was the first step.

“I don’t want that, for you to leave that is,” Willa admitted quietly. Sighing, she shifted from her chair over to the sofa, a smile threatening to break loose when Beckett opened his arm in a silent invitation to cuddle in next to him. It was an invitation she happily accepted, and after gathering all her courage, she decided to face the problem head-on. “I should probably tell you a little about my ex.” Beckett nodded, his hand rubbing up and down her arm in soothing motions. Feeling comforted by him was nice, the tight ball of nerves in her chest releasing slightly and loosening her tongue. “Jeff was really controlling. Like telling me what to do, what to wear, and how to act.”

Beckett stiffened next to her. She could see him starting to look a bit pissed off on her behalf. Normally, Willa found that kind of alpha male display to be off-putting, but she knew that being protective was in his nature, and there was something nice about him feeling that way about her. “Did he ever hurt you physically?”

Willa got the strong sense that if her answer had been yes, Beckett would drive all the way to Florida just to kick her ex’s ass. The thought made her want to laugh a little, especially as she pictured the typically buttoned-up, not-one-hair-out-of-place Jeff trying to fend off the muscular man next to her. Violence wasn’t something Willa condoned, but the image of Beckett knocking Jeff into next week did make her smile justa tad before the reality of their conversation weighed her down again.

“No, he never hit me or anything,” she replied. Willa had been lucky in that regard. “But the emotional damage was there—isstillthere.”

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