Page 71 of Veil of Death and Shadow

I shook my head, my limbs suddenly mine again, then wound my way through the crowd, not stopping until I made it outside. I sucked in a breath, relishing the feel of the cool evening breeze on my skin.

For a minute, I simply stood there, trying like hell to regulate my breathing.

I’d had enough panic attacks in my life to know that I was on the edge of one right now. I dug my nails into my palm, fighting like hell to focus on the sensation of it.

I wanted to go home.

No, I wanted to rewind time so that tonight never even happened in the first place.

And I wanted Sora.

But she would be out late for a work thing. She’d ditch it immediately, of course, if I called her and told her what happened, but that was why I didn’t want to. No sense ruining her evening. There’d been enough collateral damage already tonight.

My hand pulsed, like it had a heartbeat of its own, the pain flaring now that my body was settling back into itself.

My knuckles were already swollen, two of them cut and bloody. I must’ve hit Ace’s teeth.

And my thumb—I hissed when I tried to bend it.

Fuck, it hurt.

Why did punching someone always seem so simple and easy in the movies? From the look of it now, I’d probably done just as much damage to myself as I had to Ace.

“Let me see it.”

I spun around, only to find my eyes level with Levi’s chest. I stepped back, shaking my head. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Mars, let me see it.”

“Don’t call me that,” I snapped. “Only Sora calls me that.”

I was being ridiculous, given the events of the evening, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.

Sora gave me that nickname years ago, the night we ran. When I’d bristled, she’d insisted.

“You give someone a nickname when you’re close. We’re going to be close, Mars. Whether you want to be or not. You’re not getting rid of me, especially not now. Not after everything. We’re all we have.”

When she’d said that name—Mars—my chest had cracked open. I hadn’t heard it in years.

Not since Amto Amani. After losing her, and then Rina, my first real friend in a long time, I’d been desperate for connection. Sora had seen the worst of me—had seen me literally take someone’s life. And still, she wanted to stay. In fact, she demanded it. Any other circumstance, and I’d have been better about pushing her away, keeping my distance. We were starting fresh, somewhere new—it should have been easy, walking away from her. But for some reason, some undeniable weakness, I didn’t.

Nicknames, especially that one, were reserved for people who stuck around, or at least intended to. There was a permanence there, a familiarity. I didn’t have the capacity for any more connections. Nicknames were for friends.

Whatever Levi was, he wasn’t my friend.

“Sorry.” He offered a careful smile and took a slow step towards me, the kind of hesitation you’d find with someone approaching a feral animal. Maybe I was. “Mareena, can I please take a look at your hand?”

I pulled it against my chest and stepped back. “I said I’m fine. My hand is fine.”

He sighed, then ran his hand through his hair. “You’re going to make this more difficult than it needs to be, aren’t you?” His eyes locked on mine, his expression flattening into a strange stiffness. “Let me look at your hand.”

“No.”

Surprise flickered in his face. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

His eyes held mine for a beat, but then he shook his head. “Nevermind.”

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