Page 49 of Capitally Engaged

Preston

Life before Jax seemed hard to remember. I thought my studio would be cramped with another person living there, but she brightened the space with her humor and smile. Plus, she made me actually want to have balance in my work for the first time in, well, ever. Sure, there were still late nights and unexpected hurdles that cropped up, but putting away my laptop to watch TV no longer made me feel guilty. As long as it wasn’t for too long, at least.

It was obvious to me I was falling for Jax. Every morning I told myself this would be the night I followed through on rule number two and told Jax my feelings were involved. And then she’d smile my way or touch my hand and I’d think surely one more day won’t hurt. We’ve made it this far.

But there were parts of Jax that still felt out of my reach. Her late-night laptop work habits were back. A privacy film now covered the screen. Jax claimed this was so the light didn’t bother me now that we slept in the same bed. It also conveniently kept me from seeing what she worked on. AnytimeI asked questions, she got cagey and changed the subject. So I finally stopped asking.

“Okay, I know that I’ve never been the one to suggest outdoor time before, but I think weneedto get outside tomorrow,” Jax said, looking at her phone. Only the sheet covered her naked body, while I pulled on a pair of boxers to double check the locks and get us both a glass of water.

She looked sleepy and relaxed from the three orgasms I had rung from her body, though none of them on my cock. I knew Jax was getting off, but this barrier between us still bothered me. Maybe it was a good thing, maintaining this one bit of separation. It might be all that stopped me from being completely in love with a woman I could never really have.

“Preston? You okay? Outside time tomorrow?”

I shook myself, tuning back into the moment. “Spending time outside tomorrow sounds great. I was already plotting on how to trick you into agreeing with a plan I have brewing. So, thanks for making it easy.”

“I aim to please,” she said with an easy grin, leaning up to plant a kiss on my lips before rolling over, punching her pillow into submission to take the shape she liked.

“Time for bed?” I asked, not wanting to draw attention to the fact I noticed she didn’t have her computer out.

“Yes, I’m beat. And it sounds like I’ll need my strength for secret outdoor surprise day.”

“I’m not going to torture you, you know.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” she answered, her voice muffled by the pillow. “Night, Prez.”

The nickname she picked up from spending time with Hayden and Duncan over the past month or so slipped out more and more. While the familiarity it stirred up felt nice, nothing warmed me like the baby or sweetheart that occasionally slipped from her lips. Those instances seemed contained towhile we were physical. Just another example of how Jax could compartmentalize when all my lines were blurred and swirled since she’d blown into my life.

Jax turned to face me, her breathing deep and even. The lights from the street outside let me just make out her features, peaceful and open, while she slept. How I ached for that pure openness while she was awake.

It took a long time before I fell asleep.

My melancholy lasted into the next morning. I tried to hide it from Jax, but as usual, she saw right through me.

“What’s up, grumpy Gus? Do you not want to do the outdoor day anymore? We can keep it simple. You don’t have to go through with this big plan...”

She trailed off, looking uncertain of herself, a look I wasn’t used to seeing on her face. Jax hadn’t done anything wrong. She continued to play by the rules we set. I was the one having trouble keeping myself in bounds. She didn’t deserve that.

“Just need more coffee, I think. C’mon, let’s go.” I held out my hand, allowing myself to enjoy how her hand felt in mine. I twisted my ring on her finger with my thumb.

“First stop, Eastern Market,” I said as we hit the street, walking the few blocks over to the year-round farmer’s market. Later in the day, this place would be a zoo, but it was still early enough we could walk the aisles without dodging the crowds.

I steered her into the permanent structure that housed many of the food vendors, especially those that required refrigeration. “We need to pick up from a vendor in here. I have a picnic basket pre-ordered. We worked together to be sure things were low FODMAP and things I knew usually worked for you.”

“A picnic?” Jax’s face displayed a mixture of emotions. Nervousness, excitement, and disappointment. I understood now the negative came from not being able to simply enjoy something like a picnic without spinning out into digestive worst-case scenarios.

“Trust me? Double check the foods, and then we’ll head on to the next stop.”

Biting her lip, Jax nodded and followed me to a vendor along the far wall. Telling the employee my name, they handed over an insulated bag for us to inspect. Jax sifted through the contents, a smile breaking on her face as she did.

“Everything in here looks great, Preston. Thank you for thinking of it.” She reached up to peck a kiss on my cheek, giving me a matching smile to flash back at her. I paid the employee and thanked them for their help.

“Now, off to find ourselves some bikes,” I said, slinging the bag over one arm and holding my other hand out for Jax to grab. If I go down in a pile of flaming heartbreak, it wouldn’t be because I didn’t go all in on this day.

“Bikes?” Jax asked. “I don’t think I’ve ridden a bicycle in at least a decade.”

“Good thing you never forget how,” I said, giving her a wink and her hand a squeeze. “Besides, they’re electric bikes, so they basically power themselves. You can follow my lead.”

“If you say so.” She looked skeptical, but her eyes betrayed a hint of excitement.

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