I mean, it makes sense.

It would be so nice to feel in control.

How often have I sought to get control in all the wrong ways?

It seems like everything is slipping away from me and I don’t know how to get control back without doing something that would get me sent away to an omega rehabilitation program.

The way that I used to try to feel in control was to carve little reminders that I was alive into my skin. Small little lines that show I was here and I could feel something.

But I can’t do that now. I can’t fall into these patterns again.

A few bad heats weren’t going to make me slip back like that. I can’t let anything bring me down.

“Do you want to come to the gym with me after work? You don’t even have to work out with me but it would be nice to just have that time for yourself.” His offer makes me look at him, wondering what the hell he wants with me. “We can have bro time and it gets you out of your house which breaks patterns.” He says it with that smile again and I roll my eyes.

But he’s so friendly that I can't even be really mad. And the way he mentioned breaking patterns makes me feel like he knows just a little bit about what he is talking about.

All of my socialization is virtual. So maybe trying something newwill be good. A gym was also a public place so that I won’t be alone with him if I don’t feel safe.

“I don’t even know your name. And I don’t have workout clothes. Plus, I have an errand to run after work.” He shrugs his shoulders at me like none of that matters.

The blasé response, like it wasn’t a big deal about all these details, made me worried that I was inviting more crazy into my life than I should.

Everything was already spiraling out so much. I should just shut all of this down.

“I’m Anthony but everyone calls me Ant. And I asked if you wanted to come with me. Not all the reasons you think you can’t say yes.” I blink, looking at him wondering why out of all the people I had to almost fall in front of it had to be these men who seem to keep showing up.

Cam has been texting me since he found me online the first night. Right after I had fallen I had talked to Clarissa and gone to my bed to find a new follow request online.

I was good at talking to people without it being face to face. It eased a lot of my discomfort and set me at ease. As someone who was constantly a ball of anxiety, it was nice for things to be fun and easy through text.

Maybe I even liked the attention.

Jace was at the coffee shop every morning. He was always smiling and trying to talk to me. It had only been a couple days and no matter what time I was getting my coffee he was there.

He would try to talk to me about things or give me a pastry that he had bought for me. Trying to win me over with the sweet tooth that I had.

Now, Anthony was leaning into my car trying to have me go to the gym with him.

All these alphas are already surrounding me and making their way into my life without me even trying.

Worst of all, now that Anthony got my scent he knewthat I was an omega.

I hadn’t wanted to find a pack. Didn’t want an alpha. Not after what I had seen and experienced with them growing up.

What do I want to do?

Go to bed. I want to go to frickin’ bed.

Not that I will sleep.

I’ll lay there in my depression safe space and push off doing things for another day.

I should go with Ant.

I want to do things.

Right?