Page 24 of My Ruthless Alpha

As my brothers continued joking and hounding, our goal of catching any fish left our focus entirely. Their noise likely scared away every fish in the lake anyway.

Chapter 11 - Faye

Ever since Beau left the pack that day and I consequently found out I was pregnant with Margo, I have felt more riddled with inner conflict than I ever had before. Since then, I have hated the feeling.

I hated not knowing what to think of a situation or how to proceed—especially when it involved my daughter.

I slept with Beau, and while it was a potential lapse of judgment, I couldn’t go back and change it. I didn’t know if I even wanted to if I had the chance.

My attraction to him led me to that position. I was drawn to him, and more and more of me wanted him, but I still couldn’t shake how the memories of what happened between us returned to me every time I tried to consider our future.

Being near him seemed to only open that old wound up again, but at the same time, he almost felt like the cure. Yet, I didn’t have it in me to trust him completely yet. The damage caused by his rejection wasn’t something I could just turn a blind eye to, even if I wanted to do exactly that.

Beau was right there…right within reach and more tempting than ever, especially after getting to feel him again. But he did a number on me, and there was no telling when I might feel able to accept more of him.

Regardless, I didn’t want to keep Margo from him. I’d feel like a monster if I tried to, even if it would’ve been the easiest choice—running away instead of facing it and getting over those fears.

As much as part of me wanted to lean into that idea and shrink away from potentially addressing more of those pain-inducing memories with him, sitting outside in the backyard. At the same time, Margo played with a few toys Beau had grabbed for her, which made me second-guess it.

She was chattering to herself happily, including her toys in whatever daydream she found herself in, all while Beau and I watched. From time to time, she’d bring something over for him to interact with, and he’d do so gladly, encouraging more of her creativity.

It all looked so normal, so perfectly like the idea I once had of our life together.

Margo could play like she didn’t have a care in the world, and the two of us could be there and watch while she lived out the childhood she deserved. She didn’t need to question who her dad was or why she didn’t know him. Instead, she could grow alongside him.

It was what I’d wanted for her from the beginning, and seeing a preview of how that could unfold for us made me want to stay and see where it might eventually take us.

While Margo took back one of the dolls she had given Beau and opted to get lost in her reverie again, I watched her and silently hoped she felt at ease. I hoped she didn’t feel like anything but a child free to explore and discover the world around her.

The scene looked all too perfect and otherwise would’ve been, but I couldn’t ignore the faint ache in my chest, knowing we were missing someone.

While I was in Beau’s backyard, within the security of his territory and pack, Sydney was back with the others. Back with Colton and his betas, who were more than willing to follow his every word regardless of how brutal he could be.

She didn’t know where I ended up or if I had even gotten far enough away. Since I left, I haven’t received any messages from her, likely out of fear that Colton might somehow find out. I was sure she didn’t want to link herself to me leaving in any way, and I hoped she committed to that. I didn’t send her any texts for that same fear.

But if what she heard before had been true, and he did claim me as his mate in front of the others, then I didn’t doubt he’d be pissed. It was likely he followed my trail as far as he could before reaching Beau’s territory and being forced to turn back or risk a confrontation he wasn’t ready for.

Sydney had been my rock through everything ever since Beau left, and I found my mind stuck on one thought…wondering if she’d ever get to experience the kind of peace that came with Beau’s pack.

As far as I could tell from my light exploration with Margo, everyone seemed so at peace. Like they didn’t have anything to worry about beyond fulfilling their roles in the pack. They didn’t seem worried about what kind of things Beau would force them to do or be concerned about someone they knew being targeted by him in some way.

It was a slow, small town, but it was comfortable. Everyone I came across seemed more than content to be there.

The more I thought about it, the guiltier I felt. I left her behind to help myself and my daughter, but it felt like a piece of me was still there, waiting to be saved.

I wanted to reach out and see Sydney again, but I was afraid of Colton finding us and potentially putting her and Margo’s lives at risk.

“What’s wrong?”

Beau’s gentle tone broke my train of thought, and I blinked through my trance to meet his gaze. He seemed somewhat worried but kept it light anyway.

“Just…thinking about things.”

It was a pretty flimsy answer, but it also wasn’t entirely wrong.

Not prepared to leave it at that, he kept his eyes on me. “You can tell me if something’s bothering you.”

A part of me didn’t want to share. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful for everything he had already done for us, and I didn’t want to dig up even more about what was on my mind.

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