“Of course.” I trailed my hand down her shoulder once more, fascinated with how soft her skin was. “You could always show me again.”
Sunshine let out a little laugh and led me through. We’d spent hours here as Logan cooked and prepped. “We have some sandwiches and snacks, if you’re hungry?”
“I’m okay right now.” I didn’t want to sit and eat and stop the flow of the tour.
“You’re probably used to having gourmet food all the time anyway,” she said.
“Logan doesn’t cook all the time,” I said. “We have a lot of leftovers too.”
“Of course.” She turned around and headed back into the living room. “He’s probably tired of it.”
“He loves it.” I followed her, wondering how soon was going to be too soon. Julian had a better feel on Sunshine’s emotional state than me, but seeing her old pack at the event couldn’t have helped her feel good about herself.
It had almost been a year since her terrible pack had broken her heart.
Maybe Julian could ask some questions about when she was going to start dating again. I didn’t trust myself to ask her without making it sound like a demand.
Sunshine led me back out into the grounds. “We have some hiking paths but…” She looked at my feet, and my impractical dress shoes.
“I could change…” I paused, realizing I couldn’t finish the idiotic statement. Of course I couldn’t change my shoes. I’d driven here from work. My suit jacket and tie were in the car, but I was still wearing my dress shirt, slacks, and loafers.
“It’s okay.” She laughed, and the sound was light and filled with brightness. I watched her, utterly entranced. I would commit many, many crimes to make her laugh like that again. “We have some easier tracks to walk.”
“Lead the way then.”
She took me along a scenic path, filled with shady trees and dappled patches of wildflowers.
“How’s work going?” I asked, and then immediately regretted it. I was supposed to be trying to get to know her better, and asking about work wouldn’t help that.
“Great.” Her face lit up. “I’ve got some events in the works, and some meetings later this week.”
“Excellent. I’m sure you’ll smash them.”
“What about you?” She cocked her head. “You’re off early.”
I huffed. I wanted this to be a tale of my awesomeness, but I didn’t want to lie either. “It sucked. We’re behind on some filings, I missed two briefs somehow, and some clients were yelling. I finished the important stuff and took a half day.”
“Awww.” Sunshine touched my shoulder. “That sucks. We all have bad days.”
I knew that. Logically. I didn’t like having bad days, however. It was too much like failure, too much like trying to be good enough, but knowing I couldn’t reach that rung of the ladder.
My parents had preferred my older brother, Justin, in every way and made it clear that I had to work harder, be better, to even come up to average. If he’d gotten a silver medal in soccer, I had to get a gold medal and be named Most Valuable Player.
I’d done a lot of work on myself over the years, initially with a therapist and then with Logan and Julian, but the old wounds were still there.
“Thanks, love.” I gave her a smile. “Hard to remember that, sometimes, you know? I just know I could do so much better. I hate failing.”
“Did you really fail?” Sunshine put her hand on my forearm. “Or did you make a mistake like anyone else would?”
“I should have remembered the filings,” I grumbled. I was supposed to be wooing this beta, showing her we were her perfect pack. Telling her how I screwed up at work was not part of the plan.
“I forgot to fill out three invoices.” She frowned at me, a stubborn little line forming between her eyebrows. It was adorable and I wanted to kiss it. “Are you going to tell me I failed? That I’m a terrible employee?”
“Of course not.” I stifled a growl, some of my protectiveness showing itself. Another failing. I was too much of an alpha. Too demanding and possessive, too much. “You’re allowed to make mistakes.”
“Just not you?” Sunshine laughed.
“Now you’re catching on.” I shook my head. “You’re right. Julian and Logan would tell me the same thing. Just hard to remember, especially when I hold myself to such a high standard.”