Page 79 of Luna

“You’re gonna make us all aunties and uncles is what’s going to happen.” Ember patted my belly. Poppy gave her a resounding kick. “We’re gonna spoil the heck out of her. First baby in the family.”

Tears prickled my eyes. I hadn’t been able to say it out loud, but the thought that I was going to have a baby, start the next generation, filled me with bittersweet sorrow. I loved Poppy more than I thought I could love anyone. But there was something that wasn’t how it should have been.

I wished my parents were here to see her. Help me through this mess I’d gotten myself in.

“What?” Ember kept patting Poppy’s foot. “You’re gonna be a great mom.”

I let out a heavy sigh. “Thinking about being a mom…I just wish our parents were still here.”

Ember’s eyes went wild. “Oh, honey.” She scooted closer, drawing me into a hug.

I sniffled. I was either crying or laughing all the time, and I wanted off this rollercoaster of emotions.

My cousin snuggled against me, pulling more blankets so we were wrapped in a tight cocoon.

“You and West must have epic snuggles,” I said. Ember’s omega instincts were in line with mine, so it was nice to be hugged tightly and snuggled.

Ember laughed. “We do. And then it leads to epic sex. And then snuggles, so it’s really a repeating cycle.” Her face turned serious. “Do you think you’re scared to love them? It’s not the future so much as the idea of loving them, and losing them?”

“How am I supposed to know?” I stared at the TV screen. An antelope was outrunning a lion. “I just feel dread and fear at the thought of chaining them to me forever.”

“Because what if they leave?” Ember whispered. “What if they leave you like our parents did?”

The cold block of ice froze my veins. I squeezed my eyes shut, my heart pounding in my chest. I wanted to be away, to not think about any of this. My hands got clammy, and my chest got tighter.

Ember handed me another blanket, and I pulled it up to my nose, huffing the scent of the pack. Mint, rainstorm, warm spices, and cotton, mingled together to smell like home.

“It was so sudden,” I said, then glanced at my cousin quickly. “I’m sorry. We shouldn’t talk about this.”

“Because I was on that plane?” Ember sounded incredulous. “I hate that not one of you ever talks about it around me.”

“Why would we remind you of such an awful time in your life? In all of our lives?” I shook my head. Ember had been on the plane that killed all our parents. She’d barely survived, was in the hospital for over a month, and painful rehab for two years after that. It was a horrible time in our lives and we almost never talked about it.

“Because I survived.” Ember snuggled. “You’re not hurting my feelings talking about it. You weren’t on that plane, but you still lost your family too.”

“I try not to think about it,” I admitted. “But it feels like the universe is going to smite me at any time. Like I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

Ember fell quiet and for a while we watched lions chase random animals. Then the show switched to baby leopards, and we almost died of cuteness overload.

“So maybe,” Ember said, her voice soft. “Maybe you’re not afraid of a future with them. You’re just afraid of the future in general. Are you relieved and relaxed they’re giving you space?”

I crossed my arms over my chest, my boobs sore and swollen. “No.”

Ember laughed. “If you weren’t ready for more with your pack, you’d be relieved. You’re not afraid of being with them, you’re afraid of them being taken away from you.”

A yawning chasm of dread opened in my chest, and I nodded, more tears blurring my vision. Stupid, stupid pregnancy hormones.

I would have cried anyway, but hormones made it all feel so extreme and desperate. Like doom was just around the corner.

“You’re trying to protect yourself from the possibility of getting hurt.” Ember handed me more popcorn.

“I guess,” I muttered. My feelings wrapped around themselves until I just knew I missed my pack, the thought of them being gone from me forever was too much to consider.

The baby kicked my side viciously, and I shifted. “Yes Poppy, I know you miss your daddies.”

“They love you,” Ember said, watching a fluffy leopard cub tumble over a branch. “I don’t care how noble they are, no person is going to agree to bond because of duty.”

“They went straight to bonding,” I muttered, unable to let it go. “First it was just a fling, and the second I got pregnant it was: oh, we’re here forever.”

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