The packbonds snapped inside me, Aki, Cuan, Stefan, and Hashir’s love rushing inside me, filling me up.
Stefan put one hand on my shoulder, the other on Cuan’s. “She is ours, spirit. Move on. There is grief here, but there is also love and life.”
It felt so much like Kalahar’s cleansing fire, I gasped.
“Yes, my precious flame.” Kalahar pulled himself into a sitting position. He’d taken on a human shape again, but he was wreathed in flame. “That’s it.”
I stood up, my knees shaking. “That’s her Shadow. It’s this feeling.”
“The morning cuddles. Stealing chocolate from Hashir. Reading in the Library of the Souls.” I looked at Hashir and Stefan, wanting them to understand. Kalahar got to his feet, his side drenched in blood.
My heart froze at the sight, and I almost lost all my composure. He was bleeding, my greatest fear rising up to meet me, overlaid with my lover’s face.
Kalahar smiled. “Come what may, my love, I will find you.”
I nodded, tears pricking my eyes. I pulled fire inside me again, using the heat from the packbonds, from the connection I had with Kalahar, and looked at the spirit.
The ancient spirit looked over the crowd of people crying in anguish. She enjoyed this. She had suffered and wanted us to suffer with us.
It was easier to lay down and cry. It was much harder to pick yourself back up and try again.
I touched the string Cuan had used to loop around us, and I thought about learning new stitches, going to a faraway land, and finding love there.
I nudged Cuan. “You know the way, my love. You showed me yourself.”
Cuan’s face didn’t change, but his breathing grew lighter.
Suddenly, I realized how to seal her away. For good.
“Cuan, she’s her own jailer. If she would let go of her grief, she would be free, but she cannot.”
Spirits danced around me, a raccoon spirit racing around our circle. An image of a raccoon with its hand stuck inside a jar, refusing to let go of the food inside.
It was its own jailer. I stoked heat and fire inside me and pushed it out in a flash.
We were all people of grief and sorrow. But there was also love and light, the chance to move on, to rise from the ashes of your worst tragedy and become a new person. That was Hella Mora’s Shadow, the healing fire after a long period of mourning.
I could do that. I carried that pain, and now with the help of my pack, I also experienced what it was like to move on.
I balled that energy into my chest, and let it build on itself. I shared a glance with my pack, and then shouted, “Seal her now!”
The room exploded in heat and light, but I wasn’t afraid. Everything lit up, like the sun’s rays on a lazy summery afternoon were beating down on us.
The light slowly faded. I sat down heavily, the wind knocked out of me. I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of love and healing on my face.
“It’s done.” Cuan’s voice raspy voice was near my ear. “We did it.”
I pulled him into a kiss. “I love you.”
Hashir, Aki, and Stefan sat around me. They were all smiling, basking in the glow.
“This is nice,” Stefan said. “Like sunbathing.”
“We should do that,” Aki said.
“Sure.” Hashir looked around.
I looked for Kalahar, but I didn’t see him. Neither the phoenix, nor his body. Everyone else was slowly picking themselves up, shaking their heads, and wiping tears from their wet faces.