Page 76 of Stella

I grumbled. If the deck had a personality, it would be the great aunt who told you exactly what you needed to hear, even if you weren’t ready.

It was dumb, but sometimes I wondered if the deck wasn’t our parents, trying to use the universe to help guide us.

“Stupid cards.”

“I haven’t lectured you on being an idiot because you already know. We’re here for you, but you know what you need to do.”

That took some of the wind out of my sails. I was ready for a fight, to dig into the self-righteous feelings I’d been stewing in.

“He thought I was a gold digger.”

“And you know you’re not.” Ember shrugged. “He trusted someone, and she hurt him badly. He thinks he has to protect Evan and Jerrick.”

I looked away. It stung, like Simon had chosen them over me.

Of course, I’d told Evan and Jerrick to go away. It wasn’t like they’dallignored me. I pushed them all away because it hurt.

Simon had ripped my heart out of my chest when he suggested I sign a prenup. He was so scared of trusting me, of being hurt again, he wanted to do anything to prevent that.

But signing a prenup wouldn’t fix that. The only things that would were time and Simon realizing trusting meant that sometimes you had to go way out on a limb.

Of course, that knife cut both ways. The second Simon had hurt me I’d shut Jerrick and Evan out, assuming it was over.

I’d started this relationship with one foot out the door, and that couldn’t have been easy for any of them.

I was too afraid of telling them I loved them, as though it would have spared me this miserable pain when everything came crashing down.

But it didn’t make things better. If anything, it made me feel unresolved, like I’d pulled a flower out before it’d even had a chance to bloom.

I closed my eyes, the Two of Cups burned into my mind. Water flowed from the cups, symbolizing making something new from two people. Two turning into one, with life and love following in harmony.

The universe was attacking me. With logic.

“Be brave,” Ember said softly. “I know it’s scary to open your heart up to someone else, but you’re fearless. You can do this.”

I sucked in a breath and let it out slowly.

My cousin was right. It was hard to open up, to let go of my fears, but was I really going to let that be the reason why I didn’t have my pack?

I couldn’t picture life without them. If that meant allowing Simon the same grace I needed to deal with my issues, then I could do that.

“Thanks, Ember.” I left the sunroom, ignoring the knowing look she had on her face.

Zephyr handled our contracts for the business, so maybe he would know how to help me.

Chapter22

Simon

Ilay in bed, wondering what day it was.

What year.

After a colossal fight with Evan and Jerrick, I’d gone back to the house and wallowed. Usually I kept myself rigid, forcing my emotions back.

There was no choice with this: only pain.

I didn’t bother to shower, keep track of days, or eat. I laid in bed, feeling like my soul was splitting in two.

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