Page 40 of Break

My hand trembles when I place it over his. I don’t know why I feel this fucking weak andscared. But the two people who own my heart and soul are in this bed with me and I cannot stand the idea of us not being together for the rest of our lives. “These past six months have been…”

“Hard without her.”

I nod. “But she doesn’t take your place, Lan. She never could.”

“I know that.” He flashes me a tired smile. It’s cautious and guarded. I hate it.

“I mean it.” Crawling carefully around Nicole, I straddle Landon and pin his hands above his head. “I cannot lose you and she is not a replacement.”

He swallows hard and stares at me. “Is she the reason you’ve been so distant with me lately?”

“Maybe.” I’m not even sure. I just know that the minute I saw her again, I felt connected to this other part of me I’ve missed. “Is she the reason you’ve been so difficult lately?”

“Maybe.”

“Are you in love with her?”

He stills under me. I glance over to see Nicole’s still knocked out. Her mouth is parted slightly, and her breaths are deep and even. Good. I’m glad she’s found peace and safety between us and can catch up on her rest. That’s how it should always be.

I bring my attention back to Landon and cock my brow, waiting for his admission.

He nods, the vein in his throat pulsingrapidly.

“I’m in love with her too,” I finally admit out loud. Guilt assaults me and I pull away, needing fresh air again. Leaving them in bed, I yank the balcony door open and am smacked with freezing cold temperatures and the whirr of traffic below.

At least I’m not naked anymore.

Landon’s warm hand runs along my spine, and I close my eyes, inwardly cringing. “You don’t have to pick, Kerr.”

“Why does it feel like I do?”

“Because you’re an idiot.”

That makes me laugh a little. “Landon, I don’t know why this is so hard. All my feelings… all my thoughts…” I grab the back of his neck and press our foreheads together. “You consume me.”

“And so does she.”

My stomach twists because he’s right.

“It’s okay to want more than me, Kerr.”

I don’t want it. Ineedit. And that’s not something I’ll ever say out loud. It’ll hurt him. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Why would you say some shit like that?”

“Because you should have someone who matches your energy. Gives you everything you’ve ever wanted. Shows you every day that you mean the world to them.”

“And that’s not you?” He steps away from me as if I’ve hit him.

“I’m not good at this stuff. I should showyou how I feel all the time.”

“You groped my dick at the sex shop. I mean, honestly, if we’re going for gold here, you win.”

“That’s not the same and you know it.” He’s making light of this because he’s scared. I am too. “How long?”

“How long what?”

“Have you been in love with Nicole?” I turn to look at him again, holding my breath.

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