Page 51 of Mr. Kelly

There’s nothing like the fear of losing someone to realign your thought process, dropping every ounce of bullshit you’ve fed yourself. The biggest thing I've lied to myself about are my feelings. I love her. My lack of faith in my judgment made me doubt if what I was feeling was real. Now, the raw truth dangles in my face. River is the love of my life. It all feels too easy. We don’t have to compromise who we are to fit together, nor do I have to perform miracles to get her attention. River shows me what I thought I had. The difference is astounding.

Our son brought her back to me, but my love for her is separate from the gratitude I feel for her making me a father. My hand starts to hurt from the way I’m gripping the phone and my jaw ticks from frustration. Instead of responding, I drop to the floor and force myself into a meditative state where I remain until Jeffery calls my name. I look up from where I’m seated, waiting for the update from my flight attendant.

“We’ve landed, sir.”

It’s the most confident thing he’s said since I lost my shit after River’s text. I give him a sharp nod, uncross my legs, and rise from the floor as if it’s a normal day. If I rush, I’ll lose my Zen and blow up this fucking city. No one touches what’s mine, and I cannot wait to teach that lesson.

I’m not surprised to find Andrea and a car waiting for me. He pushes his dark hair that the wind disturbed off his forehead. His shades hide his eyes, but concern etches his expression. His usual easy smile when greeting me is nonexistent. His dark eyebrows pinch with frustration, and I know he’s been a terror since River disappeared. Andrea is highly loyal when he accepts someone into his life, so this also feels personal to him.

He watches me as I approach. His stance is wide, with his hands tucked in the pockets of his black pants. We stand, staring at each other while Jeffery puts my things in the trunk. We don’t speak until he disappears back onto the plane.

“I didn’t think I’d ever see that look in your eyes again,” he says with a heavy sigh. “But it’s warranted.”

Andrea never tried to persuade me to be in one life or the other; my decisions are mine, and he respects that. I crack my neck and roll my shoulders. The chaos in my head has served a purpose; it gave me clarity.

“It was dumb to think I could fully leave the other side of me behind. I’ve confused my system, going from one extreme to the other. That’s why Helena got away with so much. I didn’t want to snap and kill her, although I almost did. Now, I see that I must be a balanced version of both. I can be River’s Teddy and still remind people not to fuck with me.”

I crack my fingers, the sunlight bouncing off my elephant ring as if that’s the last step of revitalizing Trunk.

Andrea’s smile stretches across his face. “Gray. I like it. I’m glad to have you back, but won’t keep you in the darkness too long, brother. As for Helena, I still think about killing her for fun.”

I nod and move to the pressing matter. “Do your men have an update?”

He shakes his head as we climb into the car. “They’re looking all around the city, but with Luciano involved, he’ll know how tohide better. I’ve been trying to keep the search quiet. People get sloppy when they think they’ve succeeded. I’ve put all my faith into one thing.”

“What’s that?” I ask, staring at his profile.

“You.” He drops his shades and delivers a pale blue stare. “I’m banking on the old version of you interfering before this moment.”

I nod slowly as my brain shifts to something I didn’t consider while I was raging.

“Then your faith is justified. I did,” I admit. “And didn’t realize I was doing it. Old habits, I guess.” Andrea nods excitedly as he unlocks his phone. I type in a code, ignoring the slight tremor in my hand. I’ve never been such a potent mix of worried and pissed. “I gave her a bracelet. There is a tracker inside.”

“I fucking knew it,” Andrea exclaims proudly.

I pass my phone to him while he does his thing with his men. The car lurches forward when he gives his driver directions. I love how they all feel my urgency to resolve this issue. I rub my damp palms on my legs as I allow the surge of energy to pass through my veins. It’s been so long since I felt this kind of rush. It’s foreign yet familiar. I just need…

Andrea interrupts my thoughts, as if reading my mind. He passes the guns and blades I left in his care. The weight of them and my purpose are almost surreal, like I've stepped back in time, but instead of being young and desperate to prove myself, I’m a seasoned killer ready to reclaim my family.

“I knew everyone involved would die the moment you confirmed she was gone,” I admit.

“Same, brother. Either by my hand or yours. I finally get a sister-in-law that I like and people try to fuck it up. I would have PAID to have Helena kidnapped. Whoever you don’t get, leave it to me but they all die.”

I smirk at the Helena comment, but I must agree I’d prefer for her to go missing before River, especially at the end.

“I love River,” I say, admitting it out loud for the first time.

“I know. I was just waiting for you to realize it.”

I give him my first real smile. “I’m in love and you’re getting married in a few days. I never thought we’d get to this point.”

“Yeah, but a lot of people must die first.” He stops talking, but I know he’s not finished. This is the part Andrea isn’t good at yet. “The doctor is growing on me.”

He may sound dismissive to others, but he should know better than trying to sound nonchalant around me.

“You chose Delaney for more than her skin tone and job, but I will call out your bullshit later.”

Andrea delivers his own smirk. “Mind your business.”

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