Page 36 of The Rancher's Pregnancy Surprise

Heartache can't possibly be good for the baby, but the royal physician had run some tests yesterday, and he had assured me that there was nothing to worry about.

Blake and Thornton had given me a ring a couple of days ago, and my boss had gruffly assured me that I could come back to work for them anytime. I wish I could, really. But every time I think about having to run intohim...

My fingers tremble as I reach for my tea. It slowly runs down my throat as I take a sip, but its heat and strong taste are no longer capable of distracting me from my pain.

"I want to forget him, God."

The words escape my lips like a prayer, but only silence answers me. I've been waiting—night after night—for that gentle voice of guidance I've come to rely on. But there's nothing. Just the endless desert wind and the hollow ache in my chest.

"I don't think we'll ever work. There's too much baggage."

I wait, hoping for some sign, some whisper of direction, but God remains quiet.

"Please talk to me."

My voice breaks on the last word.

Please.

Night falls across Namja, the evening skies made bright by stars that seem so exquisitely close, that it almost feels like I can reach and pluck them out from the heavens. An attendant brings me dinner, and it's a veritable feast. I'm sure it all tastes good, but I find myself eating only for my daughter's sake.

And after that, I lie back on my very comfortable bed, thinking that it's going to be another sleepless night.

But it's not.

When I turn to lie on my side and face the outside world through the sliding doors of the balcony, I feel something inside of me slowly peeling away. It takes me a while to realize that it's the shock of Ronan's deception finally wearing off, and the pain of our breakup is no longer enough to keep my heart from beating the way it used to.

My mind starts working more clearly, and a choked sob slips past my lips when I start seeing and hearing things I couldn't see and hear before.

I'm sorry, God.

I was so lost in my pain that all I cared about was what I wanted.

What I thought was right.

It was all about me.

I was acting like You didn't know these things would happen.

Or that You wouldn't know how to comfort me.

A part of me is terrified all I'll still hear is silence. But I realize a moment later that's just the devil wanting to deceive me, andas soon as I start to believe that Iwillhear frommyFather in Heaven—-

I have always been by your side, child.

That's exactly what happens, faith tearing past the web of deception the enemy has done its best to weave around my mind and heart.

And I never stopped talking.

But you were too busy talking yourself to hear Me.

A choked laugh escapes me at His tone, lovingly familiar, wonderfully reassuring, and - at times like this - hilariously chiding.

I miss You, God.

I was always with you, Acacia.

Please don't ever leave me.

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