Page 62 of Teasing

—Emmie’s Secret Thoughts

Maverick steals a quick kiss before I follow Camden across our yards later that night. Nothing at all like our last kiss, and yet, just the brush of his lips against mine rocks me to my core.

“I hope you know what you’re doing, Em.” Cam opens the door and waits for me to walk through before he follows me inside.

My shoulders stiffen, but not because I’m offended. They stiffen because I’ve been asking myself the same thing. I haven’t stopped asking since that night on Mav’s porch. “Do we ever really know?” I murmur and set my bag of art supplies onthe table and spin on my brother, heartbroken to have this conversation again. In some ways, it’s been nice having him in the house, and in others, I feel as alone here as I did just a few short months ago. “I saw Dad today.”

He looks away. “Yeah, I heard you and Rosie mention it.”

I step into Camden’s space and cross my arms over my chest, taking up as much space as possible. Forcing him to look at me. “He asked about you.”

“Em—”

“I know what I’m doing, Camden. I’m living. I’m trying. It’s so damn scary, but I’m trying. Can you say the same?” Everything hurts. It’s raw. My heart and soul were shredded today, and I need him to know that. To try to understand.

He closes his eyes for a hot second to hide the pain shining there. I know this move. I’ve used it for years. When he opens them, his mask is firmly in place. Fortified walls intact. “We’re doing the best we can, Em. Give it time. It’ll get better.”

“Don’t you ever feel like that’s all we’ve ever done? Given it time? Waited out the storm.” I’m not yelling. My voice isn’t raised. It’s not angry. It’s just tired. So incredibly tired. “Guess what, Camden? It’s still raining. We’re caught in the eye of the storm, waiting for a break that’s not coming.”

“I never wanted you to feel like that, Em.” He lifts his head to the ceiling, trying to hide the anguish. “There’s an end coming. It’s just not one any of us is ready for, no matter how we try to spin it. And I swear to God, Em. We tried to protect you from it. We tried so fucking hard.”

“Cam.” I reach out for him, but he pulls away. “You and Vivi did the best you could. We all did.”

His green eyes blaze and whip to mine. “How can you even say that?”

“Because I’m choosing to be happy, Camden. I’m living. What’s the alternative?”

He groans and shakes his head. “I always said you were the smart one.”

“Not wrong.” I smile through the unimaginable pain because what other choice do I have? “Maybe I don’t know what I’m doing. But I’m trying. We’ve got to keep trying.”

“Oh yeah...” Sarcasm drips from his tone as he makes his way to the kitchen, and I follow and hop up onto the island.

Camden pulls a water bottle from the fridge and cracks the lid before he hands it to me. “Drink this, so you don’t have a hangover tomorrow.”

“Camden—”

He lifts a brow as if to sayis this the hill you want to die on?

“What exactly are you trying, Em?” The lines of his face are tight and tired. He’s too young to be this old.

“Faith, Cam. I’m trying to have faith. I refuse to believe there’s not a life out there meant for me, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll be okay. Maybe we’ve already gone through our hell and it’s our turn to be happy. I’m choosing faith, Camden.”

There’s a long pause before either of us says anything.

We’re stuck in a stalemate.

Both of us on opposites sides of the same war.

Until finally, he moves. Cracks his neck and brings his golden-green eyes back to mine. “Think you’ve got enough to loan me some?”

I hop down and lean into his side, forcing his arm around my shoulders. “I think so.”

“You know, I’m supposed to be the one protecting you guys, and I keep failing.”

If I had any tears left to cry today, they’d all be falling now. “You’ve been protecting us for years, Camden.”

He pushes away. “Yeah. And it still wasn’t enough.”

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