Page 44 of Teasing

His hand cradles my cheek as he stares into my eyes, giving me a strength he doesn’t even realize he’s sharing. “Trust me enough not to hurt you, Emmie. I trust you every day with the one thing in the world I love above everything else. It’s not easy, but I do it.”

I lean into his touch and channel that strength.

“My father was diagnosed with early onsetAlzheimer’s fifteen years ago...” I whisper, scared those words will fracture the dam holding back years of pain, while trying to remember what life was like before that. But I can’t. I haven’t been able to for a long time. “I was six.”

“Em—”

“Don’t,” I stop him. “If you want me to get this out, you’ve got to let me just say it, or I’ll never get through it. Even Camden, Vivi, and I barely talk about it. It hurts too much. It’s easier to just deal with it. Live with it. Talking about it is different.”

I close my eyes and push down the pain. “Mom left three years later, and things got worse. I haven’t seen her since then. Camden still talks to her, but Vivi and I don’t. I think Cam just feels bad for her, but that’s his problem. I don’t feel bad for her.” Maybe that makes me a bad person. A bad daughter. But I can live with that because she left. She didn’t care what it would do to Dad or to us. She just... left.

“The decline was slow, but like I said, I was young. So I didn’t really notice at first. Camden... he took it all on himself. He made sure Vivi and I were okay after Mom left. He made sure Dad was okay. It all fell on him and eventually Vivi. The two of them raised me as much as Dad did. They stepped in... stepped up when he couldn’t. We all worry. About the future. About the past. About what happens next.”

The quiet cadence of the rain hitting the creek as it slows calms me, and I focus on that while I pull my composure together and fortify my walls.

“Most days, he doesn’t remember. Not me or Vivi or Camden. He talks about us like we’re still little kids, and in his mind, we are. He asks for Mom. Not that he’s seen her in years. He doesn’t remember that she left. Just that he loves her. The rest of his life is just... gone. He was a great dad. When he was good, he was so good. He did everything he could with us,when he could. Andhe could for years. Just not every day. Vivi and I did the best we could once Camden went away to school. But it just...” A sob gets stuck in my throat, thinking about it. “It just got to be too much. Everybody leaves in the end, I guess,” I murmur and look away, unable to stomach the pity I know is going to be in Maverick’s eyes.

“Emmie.” He runs a hand over my head sweetly, like I’ve seen him do so many times to Rosie, then cups my neck and waits until I look at him. And I’m not ready to see the concern shining in his dark-blue eyes. Because it’s not pity. It’s something deeper. Something I’m not ready to see. “I’m sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that has to be.”

I want to tell him,good.

I never want him to know that kind of pain.

Not him. Not Rosie. Not because of me or anyone else.

“I can give you tonight, Mav. But I don’t think I can give you more than that.” No matter how much I wish things were different. “I swore I’d never put anyone else through this hell.”

“You’re not your dad, Em.” His voice is strong and sure and almost makes me believe maybe something between us could be possible. But it’s not. It can’t be.

“But I might be. Any of us could be,” I whisper, broken. “The bad days are bad.Really bad. My family has been shattered, and I don’t want to bring you and Rosie into that.”

“Pretty sure that’s my decision to make.” He presses his lips to my forehead, and I relax into him, loving the feel of his lips against my skin. “Life doesn’t make promises, Emmie. Only you and I can do that.”

“I don’t have a promise to give you, Mav. I try to live my life as much as I can. Really live it. Enjoy it as much as I can. Document it, so one day...” I lose the battle, and my voice cracks when I can’t control it anymore. “If I can’t remember it... I’ll be able to see it. To look at the pictures. At the albums.And know that I lived. That I loved my life. That I didn’t waste it. But I don’t want to put anyone through what we went through.”

He tilts my head back, so I’m forced to look at him. “Emmie... this doesn’t define you. You came into my life, all laughter and light and sunshine and chaos wrapped in a damn tutu, sprinkling glitter around my house like fairy dust. You are not broken. You are not your father. You have every right to be a completely different person. One who’s angry and jaded, but you’re not. You’re the exact opposite—because you’ve chosen to be.”

“You don’t know me, Maverick,” I stop him. “You think you do, but you don’t.”

“Then show me. Let me know you. Let me in,” he pleads, everything about him calling out to me. Asking me to trust him. To trust myself.

The problem is I don’t think I can.

“And when you leave? What then?”

Maverick

Emmie looks up at me with big, golden-green eyes, and I want to tell her I’ll never leave. That’s not who I am. But she’s not ready to hear that. Not yet. “You know, I never saw you coming. I thought you were a temporary fix. A Band-Aid. A nanny for a few weeks until I could find someone else. Someone who didn’t drive me crazy. Instead, you walked into my house, this bright burst of sunshine, loving my daughter,and laughing with my best friend, and don’t even get me started on your damn sunrise yoga with my brother.”

“What’s wrong with sunrise yoga?” She perks up. “Ryker says it’s helping with his flexibility. Maybe you should join us.”

“Pretty sure those little outfits you wear should be illegal,” I grumble, unable to hide my smile because it’s her. “Not that you should ever stop wearing them. You’ve definitely been wearing them in a fantasy or two.”

“Maverick,” she gasps.

I pull her closer. Feeling the rise and fall of her chest against mine. Her soft skin. Her warmth draped over me, and I decide it’s now or never. “Falling for you was never in my playbook, Em. But letting you go isn’t an option either.”

“How can you fall for me if you don’t even trust me?”

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