Page 39 of Another Underworld

“I do believe this will work best with one of your pull-it-out-of-the-ass plans,” she informed me.

“That’s my usual modus operandi,” I admitted. “But I have a problem.”

“Actually, you are the problem,” she pointed out rudely. “Which part would you like to deal with first?”

I wanted to tell her that she was my problem and then punctuate with a rousing electrocution, but that would be petty. Petty but funny. I decided to go for something less fiery like the actual problem at hand. “I don’t know the layout of the castle.”

“I do,” Abaddon said.

“Perfect,” I told him. “Pandora, do you?”

“Vaguely,” she admitted. “Haven’t been invited here in a few million years. Lilith and I weren’t on the best terms.”

“Underfuckingstatement, but it’s fine,” I said, more to assure myself than her. “We’ll figure it out as we go. Two goals once we’re inside—find Irma, Corny, Stella, Moon and Jonny and get them out. I suspect we’re going to have to use some of the toothpicks on them. Second, take Chub Chub Wang down by any means possible.”

“I can work with that,” she said. “Sounds like fun.”

Our ideas of fun were vastly different, but I was glad she was excited.

As we went to make our move, a blast of magic from behind us stopped us dead in our tracks.

“Well shit and Shinola,” Cher grunted as she and Fifi, loaded down with bags upon bags of glowing toothpicks, landed in a heap at our feet. “Transporting to the Darkness without a damn Demon sucks butt.”

“Word,” Fifi said, gingerly standing up and stretching her long limbs.

The Succubus held a grenade in each hand. She was nothing if not predictable. Cher was wielding a peach wine cooler in one hand and a bottle of valium clutched in the other. Again, typical.

“Oh my God,” I said, hugging my friends. “Are you gals okay?”

“Getting there,” Cher said, popping a few pills and chasing it with a wine cooler. She offered the pills around. Her generosity was declined. “Got the picks. Candy Vargo wanted to come, but that old gal still can’t stand up without falling down. That gutting really took it out of her.”

That was a sentence I never thought I’d hear.

“Dagon and Shiva?” I asked.

“Good but weak,” Fifi confirmed. “They weren’t unable to make the trip. Although, Dagon sent a message.”

I waited. Fifi didn’t disappoint.

“There are secret tunnels underneath the castle. They can be accessed by any mirror in the palace. Use them if you need them,” she said.

Abaddon was puzzled. “Secret tunnels? How do I not know about this?”

Fifi shrugged and handed him a grenade to make him feel better. “Don’t know. Dagon also said, there’s a concealed trap door beneath the throne room—six feet in front of the throne. Itcan also be accessed by the tunnels. You need to firebomb your way out of it to get to the throne room. He suspects the false God will be there. It’s the room with the most inherent magic and strategically placed in the center of the castle for safety from an attack.”

“Got it,” I said. “My people are surrounding the castle. Can you deliver the picks?”

“Can do. Will do,” Cher said. “Wanna give ‘em a heads up so they don’t lop our noggins off? We’re not exactly from around here.”

“On it.” The Darkness was a dictatorship with two in charge, but not listening to the ones you trusted could lead to disaster. I hoped Pandora was paying attention. “Update people,”I said, hoping they could still hear me.“The Angel Cher and the Succubus Fifi will be circling out to find you. They have enchanted toothpicks that can counteract the death magic. You will take them and chew on them if you get hit. Am I clear?”

The muted sound of yeses was my answer.

“You’re good to go,” I told them.

“Sure no one wants a valium?” Cher asked. “Takes the edge off.”

“No. No one wants a valium, but thanks,” I told her, giving her and Fifi a little push.

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