Page 37 of Another Underworld

“Then I’m going to have to zap you bald,” I shot right back.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Try me,” I replied, raising my hands up, ready to make good on my threat. If she kept pushing away the hope buried deep down inside her, she wasn’t going to ever find happiness. Demons understood violence. If I had to use a little to help her grow, so be it. I was going to yank the hope to the surface even if I had to shove my hand down her throat and pull it out.

“Fine,” she hissed dramatically. “I will go to Nobu with the imbecile. However, I don’t do arcades. If the shit stain tries to force a stuffy on me, it will be the last thing he ever does. I enjoy sushi. That’s the only reason I shall grace the wanker with my presence. Also, I won’t be paying… and I eat a lot.”

It wasn’t exactly a wish, but it sure was something… Forget about knocking Abaddon over with a feather, I could have been knocked over by the gentlest of breezes. I’d assumed she would wish to have a castle again. Or possibly that I would go bald and be covered in warts. Never assume. It makes an ass out of me…

Pandora’s words had slayed me. But then again, Pandora was a slayer.

A spared a quick glance at Tiny. The man was positively stupefied… as was everyone else.

“I have an entire wallet of stolen credit cards,” he assured Pandora quickly. “I’ll pick up the check gladly.”

Not quite what I was expecting, but it satisfied Pandora.

She raised a brow and assessed the handsome and truly sweet Demon. “You are not to look at me until the date. However, fantasizing about what I look like naked is fine. I’m residing in a crappy house in Venice, California. You will pick me up. If you’re tardy, I’ll peel the skin from your body and set you on fire. I expect a limo and champagne. If that’s satisfactory to you, then I’m fine with it. However, I must ask a question.”

“And I shall answer it,” he replied, following her ridiculous rules and avoiding eye contact.

“I shall need solid proof that the name Tiny has nothing to do with the size of your genitalia. If you’d like to provide that evidence now, we could get it out of the way.”

“Umm…” I said with a wince as Tiny held up a hand, indicating I shouldn’t worry.

The hand was useless. I was terrified Tiny was about to drop trou.

“If you’ll follow me behind that tree over there, Goddess Pandora, I shall assuage your fears,” he announced, looking pretty sure of the outcome.

“Is this really happening?” I asked Abaddon as Pandora waltzed over to the tree to check out what was in Tiny’s pants.

“Yep,” Abaddon said, pressing the bridge of his nose and sighing. “Unfortunately, it is.”

Pandora’s squeal of delight upon Tiny revealing his wank was beyond uncomfortable. All twelve of us not privy to the show were staring at the ground in embarrassment. It was clear that the date was a go.

“Time to move,” I said in the most official voice I could muster. If we didn’t, there was no telling what other nightmare inducing thing could happen out here behind the trees.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

I wasglad we had ten assassins with us. It had only taken five when there were twenty guards. There were forty at this camp. Having ten assassins was a lucky happenstance. Double the guards, double the fun—Tiny’s words, not mine. As Pandora readied herself to march out and announce her comeback to the guards, the assassins spread out and silently climbed the trees closest to the entrance of the camp. The Demons weren’t normal assassins. They didn’t use guns with scopes. They used wicked-looking fire machetes, and their aim was superb. The weapon didn’t just impale itself in the enemy, it took the heads clean off our enemies’ bodies.

Abaddon, Tiny and I were the backup for the mission. If the assassins missed any of the guards in the first machete throw, we would move in and defend Pandora. It was clean, and if executed correctly, it would be over before it began. That was good with me. I had a feeling we’d need all the strength we had to deal with the death magic-happy Chub Chub Wang. And God forbid, Phyllis showed her ugly ass somewhere along the journey. That would wreck my freaking day.

The guards were in the trees. I’d mind spoken with my people. They were prepared to go to the back of the camp whenPandora showed herself. As expected, they were distrustful and furious about Pandora being part of the plan, but I was crystal clear it was either go with it or die. They chose to live. I promised to keep them safe with a ward. After going back and forth for a bit, they were satisfied. Of course, unbeknownst to Stinky Whore, I’d shared that Tiny was dating the Goddess. It was a bit of a stretch, considering they’d only agreed to one date and hadn’t gone on it yet, but it went a long way in pulling people slightly into her corner. Tiny was a revered Demon in the Darkness. If he liked Pandora… maybe she wasn’t all that bad.

“I shall accompany Goddess Pandora out into the open,” Tiny announced, holding a massive fire sword.

“Like hell you will,” Pandora snapped. “I am perfectly capable of pissing them off myself. I don’t need someone named Tiny to aid me.”

Tiny chuckled and continued to avoid eye contact as instructed by his dream gal. “Goddess Pandora, you have the uncanny ability to piss off a rock. Your talent for insults knows no bounds. The reason I shall accompany you is to show the bastards that you’re not alone. As they will not expect to see you walk out of this tree line, they would never expect that a Demon would be loyal to you. The extra seconds of confusion might be the difference between life and death. It will give our assassins a few more moments to zone in on the kill.”

She eyed him warily. “Are you sure that’s the only reason?” she demanded. “It’s not because you believe me to be a useless bitch.”

Tiny bowed to the Goddess. “Never useless. Always a bitch,” he said reverently.

With his eyes downcast, he missed the expression of childlike delight that passed over her features briefly, but I didn’t. The hope was coming out. She could barely mask it anymore. It was a stunning thing to witness. It would take a longtime, possibly centuries, to get all of the Demons on the same page, but she had to start small.

So far, so good.

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