Page 33 of Another Underworld

I thought his grin might split his face. “I’d like to throw Substantially Shitty Schlong into the ring for consideration.”

“It shall be considered,” I told him with a smile. “Next?”

The names came fast, furious and hilarious. I even spotted Pandora trying not to laugh. Sozrauk suggested Prodigious Prick. It did have a nice ring. Sazrumath pleaded the case for Ginormo Ghastly Pork Sword. That was a doozy. I was learning more terms for male junk than I’d ever hoped or wanted to know. Alrath proposed Road Rage Rod. Again, a lovely ring.Drezixen submitted Cumbersome Flesh Cigar. That one got groans from the crowd, but Drezixen stood firmly by his choice. Solvin advocated for Horrible Herculean Sausage. It was nice, but a little chewy when repeated. Onuz recommended Jumbo Knob and Brinnath come in with the unique take of Elephantine Beef Bullet. That one got loud approval from the crowd. Again, it was a little too chewy for me. And last, but definitely not least, Zeken came in with what I considered with winner… Chub Chub Wang.

I almost choked on my own spit when Zeken announced his suggestion. I knew what I liked, but I took a vote. Pandora almost had a conniption when I made the choice democratic, but I didn’t care. This wasn’t a life-or-death situation. It was silly fun.

In the end, Chub Chub Wang was a slam dunk. I couldn’t have been happier. God Chub Chub Wang it was from now until the end of time. And his time was going to end soon.

Morale had been boosted. Seeing my people smile was a far cry from the condition we’d found them in.

We were ready to save the rest of our people.

We would leave no one behind.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

“How far arewe from the castle?” I asked Abaddon as we spotted the final prison camp in the distance.

“Five miles, give or take,” he replied. “Why?”

I’d been to my castle. I couldn’t say I was all that familiar with it, but I’d been there. The fact that I had a castle was preposterous. Cecily Bloom, the actress, lived in an adorable Craftsman in Venice, California. The bungalow was paid off, and I’d been the one to pay for it. It was all mine. It had been a shock to learn that Bitch Goddess Cecily lived in a Castle in the Darkness. Occasionally, it didn’t compute that the two women were the same person… but they were.

“Hold that thought,” I told him as I grabbed Pandora and pulled her into the conversation. We might be at each other’s throats most of the time, but I valued her judgment when she wasn’t telling me to crush the spirits of our people. The truth was that we worked well together. I’d made it through the Higher Power’s plane with her help. Without her guidance, we’d probably still be on that batshit crazy plane. The thought was bile-inducing. I had no clue if what was to come would be better or worse than what we’d already experienced, but it wasn’t looking like we had any choice unless we were jonesing forArmageddon to arrive early. I wasn’t jonesing for the end of the world, and I was pretty sure Pandora was on the same page.

“What do you want, Bitch?” Pandora demanded rudely.

God, she was such a cow bitch. Although, I’d noticed that Tiny and a few other Demons chose to walk with her for the last few hours. She didn’t speak to them much, but I could tell she was moved by their gesture. She might be all prickly on the outside, but I was beginning to think the Goddess might be a little bit mushy on the inside—not much but a little. That was good enough. I’d wear her ass down eventually and the woman would embrace the hope that was dying to come out.

Until then, I’d deal with the rude version.

“I want both of your thoughts on a plan that I just pulled out of my ass,” I told them.

“That’s certainly a lovely way to start,” she snapped. “Gives me so much confidence in you as a leader.”

“Thank you,” I replied, giving her a sweet smile.

“Are you brain dead?” she asked. “I just insulted you.”

I shrugged. “You’re gonna have to do better than that to piss me off.”

“I’ll try.”

“I’m sure you will,” I told her. “Quick question. Are you done being a jackass, Stinky Whore?”

She smiled in spite of herself. “For now.”

“Excellent,” I said with a small eye roll in honor of the action being one of her favorite things to do. “We’ll take Tiny and the assassins with us to the third camp. The others will go ahead of us and surround the castle from a distance. They will stay hidden but ready to fight when we call.” I tried to gauge the expressions of Abaddon and Pandora. Both were neutral. “Tiny seems to be a pretty good leader.” I looked at my Demon love for confirmation.

He nodded. “He has the respect of the other Demons. He took care of them, even deliberately taking the punishment for a few of the weaker ones when he could.”

“Why would he do that?” Pandora asked.

I glared at her but softened my expression when I saw she wasn’t being sarcastic. She was genuinely curious. “Because it’s a good leader’s job to take care of their people, not the other way around,” I told her.

“Huh.” She grunted. “Continue.”

I rolled my eyes again. “Tiny can choose a small group he trusts to get as close as they can without being discovered, and then I can communicate with them so we’re not going in blind.”

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