Page 10 of Another Underworld

“Wanna be more specific?” I asked, noticing a good amount of the munchkins were nodding off.

“Sure. When I went to the kitchen to get some snacks for the crew, they ate about five pounds of gummies.”

“Delicious!” the Brad’s screamed, then fell into a fit of giggles. The Dollys were munching on donuts like they’d never eaten. The Warrens were asleep. The Jennifers were in an openmouthed daze and the Clarks were mumbling nonsense while looking extremely paranoid.

“Five pounds?” I asked, horrified. It was better than them yanking each other’s limbs off, but not by much.

Sean nodded. “Possibly six.”

“Wonderful,” the Brads yelled. “Loved it. Want more!”

“No more,” I said, shaking my head. “Sean, lock up the gummies, please.”

He chuckled. “Don’t have to. The little dudes and dudettes cleaned me out.”

I winced and tried to get back on track. Cher had a different agenda.

Marching up on to the porch in designer heels and a power suit that was one size too small, my agent waggled her perfectly plucked and overly penciled brows at me while giving Abaddon a hearty slap on the back. “Call me crazy,” she began.

“Okay, Crazy,” Candy Vargo shouted.

Cher rolled her eyes and ignored her long-time buddy. “This is a little off subject, but I wanna offer contracts to the baked giggle-bush lovers.”

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked.

“I like the term wacky tobaccy,” Fifi chimed in.

“Or the Devil’s lettuce,” Ophelia added.

“Oh! I like those,” Cher said, taking note. “But how about this? I’d like to offer contracts to the Chonged Satan’s spinach indulgers.”

“Dude,” I said with a shake of my head. “How many wine coolers have you had today?”

“Seven,” she answered without hesitation. “Barely buzzed. I firmly believe I could get the tiny cronked, scoobie doobie imbibers work. Mostly print since they have a penchant for amputation, and that could go seriously wrong on a set. My left knocker is buzzing, and it never leads me astray. We’re lookin’ at a damned fortune here.”

Gently shoving Cher off the porch, I took charge again. “Not the right time, Cher. When they’re sober, you can chat with them, but I’m not real sure they can stop themselves from rending each other’s limbs from their bodies.”

“So much fun!” the Brad’s squealed and proceeded to tear off their own legs.

“Fine point, well made,” Cher said with a gag as a tiny leg flew her way and hit her in the head. “The knocker was wrong today. Rare, but it happens.”

I blew out a long, slow breath. It was time to rip the band-aid off. “Here’s the deal. The waiting while behaving like sitting ducks is over.”

“The waiting is the hardest part,” Sean commented.

“Tom Petty!” Fifi shouted, pumping her fists over her head and giving Sean a come-hither look. She was obsessed with my brother but had sworn she loved and respected him too much to bang him and snuff out his life force. Weird but true. The Succubus had been celibate for four hundred years and could be totally trusted not to kill randomly for sexual pleasure.

The fact that I knew that brought home how insane my existence had become. Again, it was the little things that got me through the mess that was my life.

Abaddon glanced at me in confusion. I just shrugged. I’d explain the greatness of Tom Petty another time.

“So, as I was saying, I want Sean, Man-mom, mom, Uncle Joe and the munchkins to go to the safe house. The Higher Power is too dangerous for humans to be near me—especially humans I love.”

“The munchkins are human?” Cher asked, perplexed.

“Umm… no, I don’t think so, but three-fourths of the time they’re missing appendages. That’s not great in a battle. You feel me?”

“Abaddon already did,” Ophelia said with a laugh.

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