Page 64 of Mimosa

As much as Mims didn’t want to do a thing his father wanted, he needed this. “Cosmo, you can leave me for a second.”

“I’m right outside that door,” he said, then took a step closer to the bed to say to Mims’s father, “Right outside that door, and I’m not afraid to hit sick people. He’s a wonderful person, in spite of you.”

He stomped out, and Mims smiled. What he hadn’t counted on was his father’s laughter.

He stared at the man with his jaw dropped.

“I like him. All American machismos.”

If anyone had told Mims his father knew the word, he would have called him a liar. Then it dawned on him. Cosmo was as gay as they came, but he didn’t act like it.

All his life in the states, the man had sought to be a full American. He’d changed his accent, his home, his family, all to fit into the America he’d seen on big screens when he was a kid. John Wayne, Clark Gable, James Dean, James Garner. If it hadn’t been Mims’s grandfather’s name, he wouldn’t have been named Ali. He’d have been John, or James, or some other “American” name.

“Dad…is that why? Because it was…obvious that I’m gay?”

“You don’t know anything, Ali. You don’t think there were always boys that did things to each other? Those things are private, in dark places, not…”

“I don’t want to hide away, Dad. I’m not ashamed of being gay, just like I’m not ashamed that my name is Ali, or that you and mom weren’t born here. I love you, Dad, but I’m done being ashamed.”

His father’s eyes met his and they looked so…old. “You need to give your mother grandchildren when I’m gone. If you’re so right, you do that.”

“If I get married and we want kids, I’d love to do that, Dad.”

“Marrying a man,” he spit. “Isn’t right, Ali.”

“It’s not wrong either, Dad.”

His hands no longer shook, and he felt his sadness and fear leave him. The man that had followed him in his nightmares, laughing at him, scorning him, he was gone. All that was left was a broken, sick human being.

All the years he’d tried for the approval of father figures, only to see that approval was only needed if it was in one’s self. And he most definitely approved of himself. Just having the guts to walk into that room was proof of that.

“Dad, I’d like to come see you again, soon. Will that be okay?”

“Do what you want. You always did,” he said, then turned his head. Mims knew then that his dad had regrets that he may never voice, but they existed and that was enough for him.

“See you soon, Dad.”

He left the room and Cosmo was pacing, but stopped the second he saw him. “Are you okay? Do I have to go beat that…well, I could just pull some plugs at this point.”

“No. It’s fine. It’s not great, and wouldn’t have ever been, but…I’m really okay, probably for the first time ever.”

Cosmo pulled him in for a hug. “I always thought you were okay, but I don’t know you all that well.”

Mims laughed and hugged him back. “You’ve been so good to me. Let’s get home.”

Cosmo pulled away smiling. “Home. A bar is my home. I know a lot of people that could have predicted that.”

Nadia and his mother were standing at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for him like they were about to jump out of their skin. He relieved their stress. “He’s okay. I’m okay. We’re never going to be best friends, but I have a few of those, so that’s fine.”

His mother hugged him, with a real hug. “Ali, I’m so happy you came.”

Pushing her back, he scolded, “I could have seen you all along, Mom. You didn’t have to cut me off because he did.”

“He’s my husband, Ali. You know what that means in my culture.”

“More than your child?”

She lost the tears that had welled and she looked away from him. “No. I…I’m not strong, Ali.”

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