Page 31 of Spring Forward

CHAPTER 13

DELANEY

Bolt slows down as we come to the edge of the lake, just like he has every time I’ve ridden him out here. Normally it’s just because I love riding him, but today I need to think. The last two weeks have flown by, and every day was filled with memories. The kind of memories that make you ache because of how good they are while you’re afraid they’re only fleeting.

But they don’t have to be.

The memories I’ve made here can become part of my life and I could stay and make new ones. This could be permanent.

I just have to do something that scares the living daylights out of me. If I just take what Noel is offering, if I just accept that the love between us is forever, then I can stay.

It feels like it should be easy, and maybe it is.

Has there been another place I’ve been to that has felt thisright? Have I had this feeling since I made the hard choice to sell my family’s ranch, and I set out on this path which kept me moving forward when everything in me wanted to curl up and never move again? Is there a better place for me to settle?

The answers to all the questions swirling inside of me are easy to answer.

My heart and soul yearn to stay. That is something I won’t, can’t, deny. It would tear me up inside to leave Limitless Ranch.

But then what about everything I’ve been building? What about the business I’ve put everything into?

Noel might have offered to travel with me, but what if that kind of life wears on him? And then what about August? I know everyone in the Burns family would help and be there for him, but I’ve been the only parent he’s known for most of his life. Would it be fair to keep going out on the road and leave him behind?

Even scarier, would he thrive if that’s exactly what I decide to do?

The guilt at the thought of what I’ve taken from him, of what I haven’t been able to give him feels like a noose around my neck.

Then there’s the option of having teleconferences or something which would allow me to consult from a distance. Just as I have that thought, a breeze caresses me, and I close my eyes.

“Mom, Dad,” I whisper, the sound caught and carried up to the vast blue sky above me. “I need a sign. Is this the right place for us? Can our future really be this place? Will August find friends here which will last him a lifetime, will he be able tofinally be embraced by a family who would lay their lives down for him like you would have if you were still here?”

The breeze envelopes me again and it’s as if I can feel a hand on my cheek, urging me to open my eyes. When I do, I don’t have an otherworldly experience of seeing my parents in front of me, but it is as if I can feel them astride horses on either side of me. I look out at the land in front of me and a sense of peace I can’t ignore fills me.

Maybe it can be this simple.

My gut has been urging me to give in and accept what is being offered me here on this land. The family. The man. The love.

I’ve been scared. I’m still scared.

“What if it doesn’t work out? What if Noel decides one day the grief I always carry with me is too much? What if the love we have right now changes into something else? I don’t want him to resent me after I’ve given up everything that has kept me going when I didn’t know how else to do it.”

My heartbeat slows and everything around me stills. It’s just for a moment, a singularity I don’t think I could ever describe because it has to be experienced.

Bolt backs up a few steps and then moves forward again, as if he’s telling me that forward can change, that our paths can shift as you experience life. I run my hand down the side of his neck, a silent thanks for being steady when everything I’ve been clinging to feels like it is crumbling in my grasp.

“Stay,” it’s just a whisper on the wind and it could just be my mind playing tricks on me, but it’s as clear as day to my heart.

Stay.

Build a life.

Let love carry you as the roots you’ve been craving grow so deep in the soil they can never be unearthed.

Without another thought, I pull Bolt’s reins away from the lake. I don’t need to be here anymore; I know my decision. Still, there’s one person I need to talk to before I can commit.

The moment we’re completely turned, Bolt starts to gallop like he knows I want to get back quickly. He doesn’t disappoint and a feeling of freedom rushes through me. The landscape slides by us and the feeling grows.

Even though I’m antsy to talk to August, I take the time to get Bolt put away properly. Buttercup won’t let me walk by her without giving her some love and I can’t help but smile. I’ve been helping Eden and Buttercup repair their relationship. They’ll get there, but it’s going to take a little more time.

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