Page 11 of Spring Forward

He never complained and I wouldn’t expect him to. The way he’s taken it all in stride allowed me to take a lot of things for granted. I should have put him first a long time ago.

I wanted to believe I was, but now I see I’ve just been running for eight years. Running and surviving as best I could.

But at what cost?

“Your thoughts are heavy,” Noel’s voice is a low rumble as he settles on the porch swing next to me.

I startle and press a hand to my chest where my heart is pounding hard. The glare I give him would be a deterrent to anyone else. But not to Noel Burns. No, he flashes me a boyish grin filled with teasing mirth.

“Noel,” I hiss in admonishment, “you scared the hell out of me. You shouldn’t just sneak up on people.”

He holds his hands up, the look on his face telling me he’s not sorry at all. “I thought for sure you would have heard the door open or me walk up, Freckles. I wasn’t exactly quiet.”

My eyes roam over the man, trying not to stare at the way the sweatpants he’s wearing stretch across his thighs or the way the henley he’s wearing shows off every dip and valley of his toned chest. The man is ripped, but not like he’s spent too much time at the gym. His body is proof of the years of hard work he’s put into the ranch and then the time he spent in the military before coming home.

An ache in my chest, the same one which is always present when I’m around him, has me dropping my hand and looking out across the land again. I can’t look at him. I don’t trust myself not to crawl into his lap and curl up.

Safe.

Secure.

Home.

No. I can’t think like that. I won’t. It’s far too dangerous to consider this man, this place, my home.

Just because I haven’t started looking to see where the next contract takes us doesn’t mean it won’t happen.

But what about giving August roots? Why couldn’t you stay?

I clear my throat to try and drown out my treacherous thoughts. A man like Noel wouldn’t want me and all my baggage. Even though I want to find a place to settle to give August the stability he’ll need soon, I’m not entirely sure I know how to do it anymore.

Maybe I’m just a lost cause.

“Freckles,” Noel rasps my name as he reaches over and grips the back of my neck like he’s holding me in place before I bolt while grounding me at the same time. His voice is low and coaxing, “What are you thinking about? I’m not sure if you’re about to pull a runner, hide amongst the horses all day to avoid what is right in front of you, or cry.”

I scoff, my voice wavering, “I don’t cry.”

He uses his grip on my neck to turn my head until I can’t avoid his eyes any longer. The way his gaze races between my eyes, like he’s trying to see deep into my soul, has my heart begging to be set free.

“But you do run and hide.”

My lips part and I try to form words, but they’re stuck behind a lump in my throat. Swallowing hard does nothing to help and I’m not even sure what I would say even if I could.

The silence stretches between us and my defenses are on full alert. “I don’t run or hide,” my voice is full of defiance that I don’t really feel.”

“Really?” He challenges me, “Is that why you’ve been out of the house early most mornings under the guise of work instead of what we really know to be true?”

I snap back, “And what is really true?”

“You’re avoiding me. You figured out I’m an early riser, just like you.” I huff and roll my eyes, but he doesn’t let up, the air around us charged with the pressure of his words and the truth within them. “You keep as much distance between us as possible and only grace me with your presence when you can no longer avoid it. Even then, you keep your responses to me clipped and to the point and only when I’ve asked a question about the program.”

“You’re my boss,” I point out, “I’m being professional.”

Noel’s laugh is a booming sound which wraps around me when it has no business doing any such thing. Staying away from him hasn’t been easy and I’ll never admit just how right he is. I’ve been running and hiding. I’ve been avoiding him.

Did I really have a choice, though? Every time I’m around him, even for a moment, I feel this tug in my soul. No matter how strong the feeling is, I can’t allow myself to be taken in by it.

“I’m not your boss,” he chuckles. “I’m your partner in getting this program off the ground. Fletcher, if you want to be technical,” he smirks, “is your boss.”

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