Page 97 of The Endless War

With each heartbeat, his pain lessened even as his fear rose, because Keris knew what was coming for him. But blackness descended, and though he clung to the light, it took his consciousness down with it.

YOU THINK ANYof them can replace you?

The admission that had slipped from her lips kept repeating inside her head, louder each time, her embarrassment rising with each repetition until she felt like she’d need to claw it out of her skull to silence it.

Why had she said it?

Because it’s the truth,her aunt’s voice whispered.I warned you.

Be silent,she snarled, well aware that arguing with her aunt’s spectre might well make her as insane as the woman herself. Though insanity was too kind an excuse for her behavior tonight.

Childish. Petty. Insecure. Manipulative.

Zarrah hurled the words at herself, cheeks burning because they were deserved. She’d demanded their relationship be limited to a political alliance, but the moment they were alone, she was the one erasing the lines she’d drawn. Burning hot then cold, tempting him half because she wanted proof that he’d hold to his word and half because she hoped that he wouldn’t.

You claim a woman’s experience with men but speak of intimacy like a girl.

“Shut up,” she snapped, then bit her lip, waiting for Keris to react. To move. But other than the rise and fall of the blanket from his breathing, Keris didn’t stir. “Keris?” He didn’t respond.

Unease filled her, and retrieving the bottle of narcotic he’d taken, she held it up to the light.5 drops before sleepwas written in wax on the side, and that had been the amount she’d watched him take. Opening the stopper, she sniffed the contents and made a face as she recognized the scent. He’d be nearly impossible to awaken for at least a few hours.

Trusting her to watch his back.

Shehadbetrayed him. Had hurt him. Had threatened his life. If there was anyone Keris should be guarded around, it was her. Instead he seemed hell-bent on protecting her from herself.

Kneeling next to him, she held a hand in front of his lips to feel his breath, her chest tightening at his pallor. Assuming infection didn’t take hold, he’d recover, yet when she’d unwrapped the bandage, the sight had nearly doubled her over. So close. She’d been so close to losing him.

Though Zarrah knew she should not, her fingers brushed his hair out of his face. It was longer than it had been before, the texture like silk against her skin. Not for the first time, she was struck by the nearly ethereal quality of his face, it seeming as though every angle had been sculpted by a higher power with the purpose of showing the world true beauty. That the mind behind the face was equally as rare in quality made her half wonder if perhaps darker powers were behind his creation, for no man should be possessed of such advantage.

Sighing, she withdrew her hand and did a pass through the small space to ensure the ladder had the trapdoor held securely, that the window was latched, and that all was well before retrieving her cloak. Wind howled through the cracks in the walls and from around the window, the chill sinking deep into her bones. Shivering, Zarrah wrapped the cloak around her body, wishing she had a blanket, though there was no chill deep enough to make her retrieve the prior occupant’s filthy quilt from the corner.

Keris stirred, muttering something unintelligible, his distress palpable.

Nightmare.

Without thinking, she went to him and shook his shoulder, hoping to rouse him enough to slip the dream. But he only thrashed violently, shouting something about not meaning it and nearly knocking over the lamp. “Keris,” she hissed, moving the lamp before shaking him again. “Wake up.”

“I’m sorry,” he pleaded, eyes pinched shut as if in agony. “I’m sorry.”

Her own breath came in rapid pants because she didn’t know how to help him. Didn’t know what to do to pull him from the depths of whatever horror consumed him because the cursed drug had him in its hold. Desperate, she gripped him tightly, her mouth pressed against his ear. “Keris, all is well. I’m here.”

He stiffened, then whispered, “Valcotta,” before falling still.

Heart still pounding, Zarrah stayed unmoving, arms braced against the floor and her lips against his ear.Valcotta.The name of her empire and all she held dear, but from his lips, it reverberated through to her core in ways Zarrah couldn’t explain.

The wind howled, so violent now that bits of snow crept around the window frame and through the cracks, gusting across the floor. Keris’s skin was ice beneath her lips, his body shivering, and her stomach tightened.He’s tougher than he looks,Aren had said. The ability to survive the worst was in his veins, but there were still limits. All it would take was illness striking, taking advantage of injury and cold, and she could lose him.

He’s not yours.

Zarrah’s eyes burned as she warred with herself, but as the lamp burned low, the oil exhausted, she found herself pulling her cloak over both of them, then curling around Keris’s back. Fitting herself against him as best she could, then reaching around his waist to find his icy fingers.

What is to stop you from making the same mistake again? What is to stop you from being lured back into his bed with sweet words and promises of pleasure?

Zarrah pressed her face to Keris’s spine. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe she was going to have regrets.

But he’d trusted her enough to watch his back, and to her, this felt right.

ZARRAH JERKED AWAKE,surrounded by darkness and unsure of what had woken her. Her body was still pressed against Keris’s, her left arm numb from being draped over his waist all night, and she carefully eased it off him before sitting up.

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