Page 125 of The Endless War

Past the army that he’d poised to march to Zarrah’s aid, and this news would have taken days on a fast ship to reach them in Arakis.

The world around Keris swam, a roaring in his ears drowning out all other sounds. There were only a thousand soldiers in Vencia to stand against a number ten times that. A thousand soldiers to protect his family. His people. His kingdom.

Sara.

Staggering to his feet, Keris fought for balance as everything spun. “I need to get north,” he said. “I need a horse. A ship.”

Hands gripped his arms, Arjun’s eyes locking on his. “Your armies in Nerastis will know her intent and put on immediate pursuit. And Vencia itself is no easy target, especially if the seas are rough. A thousand well-trained men can defend that city; I’m sure of it.”

Keris twisted away, his head throbbing. God help him, he knew how this would go. His armies would abandon Nerastis to race to the aid of the capital, and the rest of Petra’s forces would claim Maridrina’s half of the contested city.

Falling to his knees, he gagged, bile mixed with fear and guilt rising up his throat.

“We’ll get to the coast,” Zarrah said. “Send a rider ahead to tell our people to ready our fastest ship.”

“Already done,” Arjun said. “But …”

He didn’t need to finish, because Keris had already done the math. In the days this message would have taken to reach them, Petra’s army would be nearing Vencia.

It was already over.

Zarrah’s hands were on him, her voice in his ears, but every time he blinked, he saw Vencia burning. His people dead and dying. And he hadn’t been there. Hadn’t been focused on them, because he’d allowed Keris the man to make decisions, not Keris the king.

He lifted his head to meet Zarrah’s gaze. “Perhaps it is the lot of those who rule to stand alone.”

She went very still, then gave a rapid shake of her head. “That is the Usurper speaking, and her words are poison, Keris. You can’t blame yourself for this—we were certain her eyes were on the south. Everything told us that she’d move against the rebels before turning north, and even then, we believed Nerastis her target.”

Had he been certain of that? Or did he just allow himself to be convinced because it justified his choice to remain with Zarrah? Because it justified him putting his army where she’d need it? His chest tightened to the point he could barely breathe, because he knew the answer. Knew he’d turned a blind eye to anything that might take him away from her, and his people had paid the price. “I need a horse. I need to go.”

Go and do what?the voice in his head whispered.You’re too late to make a difference. The dead won’t care if you come now, only that you weren’t there when it mattered.

He ignored the admonishment and left the room. Barely seeing anything he passed as he left the cave system and descended the ladders to where horses were tethered. He could feel Zarrah behind him, sense her hunting for words that would offer hope and coming up short. Heard her intake of breath, but before she could speak, he said, “I’m going alone.”

“No.” She closed the distance between them, though he didn’t turn around. Couldn’t bear to look at her while he went back on everything he’d ever said. While he ripped to shreds all the promises he’d made with her in his arms, because he would not be coming back.

“I’m not letting you go alone, Keris,” she said. “I’m not letting you face this without me.”

“It’s too dangerous.” He slipped the bit into his horse’s mouth, then pulled the bridle over its head. “You are Valcottan, and it was Valcottan soldiers that attacked. My people won’t care that you’re a rebel. They won’t care that you hate Petra as much as they do. All they’ll see is the enemy, and given how I’ve failed them, I won’t be able to stop them from tearing you apart.”

“I’ll be careful,” she insisted. “Wear a scarf, keep my face concealed.”

He lifted the reins over the horse’s head, then paused, drawing in a deep breath before turning back to her. “This is where she’s turning next, Zarrah. You need to prepare to fight.”

Her jaw tightened, beautiful eyes closing as his words struck home.

“What kind of ruler abandons her people on the eve of battle?” he asked. “Not for any valid reason but for the sake of her lover? For the sake of another nation?”

A ruler like him, was the answer, and he was paying the price.

The muscles of her face scrunched like she was in pain, and it was all Keris could do not to pull her into his arms. Instead he kept still, knowing that she’d see the reality of the situation.

“This is my fault,” he said. “You pushed me to walk away, to leave the past in the past and set our hearts and minds to defeating our enemy. But I wouldn’t let you go. Couldn’t let you go, and used words and actions and sentiment to convince you we could have it all because I believed I had the power to remake the world in a way where all was possible. I was wrong, and Maridrina has paid the price of my hubris tenfold.”

Her hands fisted. “You act as though I was a passive player in all this, but that’s bullshit. If I didn’t want you to be here, you wouldn’t be. But the truth is that you merely put words to desires that burned in my heart.”

“Then we are both fools,” he answered, his mouth tasting of bitterness, anger, and guilt.

Zarrah flinched, then whispered, “I don’t believe that.”

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