Page 104 of The Endless War

The only response was the renewed drumming at the center of the house.

“For what?” he answered. “I’m the one who got us into this mess by following Welran. It’s my fault.”

“Yes, but I didn’t need to … I shouldn’t have asked …” God help her, she couldn’t even get the words out. Was proving her aunt right with everything she did. Everything she said. Everything shedidn’tsay.

“You think it would have been any different if our roles had been reversed?” His blue eyes flared as he sat upright, revealing that he’d been no less caught up in the moment than she had been. Unbidden, a vision of herself on her knees before him filled her mind’s eye, a mixture of memory and imagination that was so vivid her breath caught.

“I hate how right she was.” Zarrah squeezed her eyes shut. “She said that the moment I was back in your presence, I’d fall back in your bed. That my loyalty to Valcotta would always come second to my desire for you.”

“Petra’s a master manipulator,” he answered. “She’s also a fucking madwoman.”

“Yet she saw the truth. As did Bermin.” In a surge of motion,Zarrah leaned across the small space, her hands pressed to either side of him. Cheek brushing his as she whispered into his ear, “How can I be the empress Valcotta needs when all I want is to do is fall to my knees and suck the King of Maridrina’s cock?”

The muscles of his jaw tightened. “That’s not what I want from you.”

“Because it’s all about whatyouwant.” She moved her head, lips grazing his. “It’s all about having things your way, on your terms. I know that better than anyone. Have watched you do it time and again. Watched you do it today. Yet it doesn’t seem to matter when I’m in your presence, because all I want is you.”

Keris pulled away from her. “There was a time I thought I’d die to hear you say that again, Valcotta, but not like this.”

She was furious with herself, but Zarrah found herself turning her venom on him. “So sorry to disappoint.”

“Don’t.” He gave her a warning glare. “There is a limit to the abuse I’ll take just because you drank that bitch’s poison. It’s Petra who deserves your hate, yet you treat her words as though they were delivered by God. Like a fucking mantra.”

“I do hate her.” Her hands clenched into fists. “I don’t want to listen to her. Except to ignore the truth because it came from the mouth of my enemy is just as foolish as believing lies.”

“Petra has taken the truth about us and twisted it to the point it barely resembles reality, yet somehow you now hold it as memory. She’s undermined your judgement by making you believe that everything you did was motivated by lust.”

Nausea swam in Zarrah’s gut, her head a mess, no part of her able to focus on a thought. “I’m losing my mind.” She stared at her palms, which were marked with bleeding crescents. “I feel like I’m going mad.”

“You’re not going mad.” He gripped her hands. “Petra knows we are stronger united, so it is in her interest to turn you against me even as she turns you against yourself. But ask yourself this: If I manipulated you and used you as part of my scheme to further myself, why am I here now? If all I cared about was gaining the crown, why did I leave it in my half sister’s hands to race south to risk my life freeing youfrom prison? Why am I with you in Arakis, searching for the rebels, if all I care about is a plush life in a palace surrounded by women? Because to be very clear, if that was what I wanted, I could have it in a heartbeat.” His eyes searched hers. “Deep down, you must know that what she claims doesn’t make sense.”

Zarrah didn’t know what was real. Couldn’t remember. Couldn’t think, because it felt as though her mind were unraveling like a spool of thread.

The room spun in a darkening blur of colors as she sucked in breath after breath that didn’t reach her lungs. “I feel sick,” she gasped, and then everything went dark.

HE CAUGHTZARRAHas she slumped sideways, though her loss of consciousness was brief. Gasping, she jerked awake.

“Breathe.” He held her steady. “Breathe, or you’ll pass out again.”

Her dark eyes were full of panic as she fought to get air into her lungs, and Keris wanted to scream in rage at what had been done to her. Petra, with her heartless guile, had turned Zarrah against herself, stripping the woman he loved of her confidence, her fearlessness, her brilliance. And she’d used him to do it.

“I can’t …” She was shaking like a leaf, tears coating her cheeks. “I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“You are Zarrah Anaphora,” he said. “The daughter of Aryana Anaphora, who was the named heir of Ephraim Anaphora. You are a warrior. A general. And by Valcottan law, the rightful empress of this empire. You are in Arakis to join forces with an army capable of overthrowing your aunt, who unlawfully usurped the throne and murdered your mother. And once you have succeeded in liberatingValcotta from her tyranny, you will end the Endless War and bring peace to the Empire.”

Zarrah drew in a long, shuddering breath, then nodded once. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what that was. I’m fine now.”

She wasn’t fine, had only wrestled her emotions back behind walls, where they’d simmer until something caused them to boil over again. Petra had had most of Zarrah’s life to sink her claws deep. She’d woven the threads of her niece’s psyche and knew exactly which ones to tug to unravel the whole. Whether there were more threads to be pulled remained to be seen, and the thought terrified him.

She shivered, and instinctively he pulled her closer. Zarrah molded against him, arms around his waist. She felt limp, exhausted, as though their conversation had stolen every ounce of energy she possessed.

“I can go ask for more wood for the fire.” His voice rasped, and he coughed to clear it, painfully aware of the press of her naked skin against his. Of the taste of her still lingering on his lips. “We may be here for a while.”

“Not yet,” she answered, her head resting against his uninjured shoulder. “The soldiers might still be in the building. Or come back. Better to wait.”

“Right.”

Reaching down, he pulled the cheap silk sheets over her bare legs, easing her down onto the bed so that they were facing each other. His shoulder felt like it was trying to murder him from within, but Keris ignored the pain to lift his hand and brush her hair from her face.

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