Page 65 of Shadows of Obsession

"Okay," I whisper and take his hand.

I need to learn to accept that this man is used to having control, while he needs to learn to yield some of it.

"And how will things go from now on?" I ask him because I feel his need for control emanating from him.

I don't want to feel like a prisoner in his house.

His hands cup my face, and I know there's no way to avoid his gaze. His eyes are such a light gray. I could lose myself in them. They're the color of a glacier and bring calm to my agitated soul.

"I'm afraid of repeating the same mistakes as in the past. I don't want to feel controlled again, Roman."

His entire body tenses and his hands move away from my face.

I instantly know I messed up.I should have kept my damn mouth shut. Why can't I be sure about him? Why do I have to ruin everything?

He paces in circles, hands on his hips, until he finally stops to look at me. Something in me aches to take back what I said, just to erase that raw look in his eyes.

"You think I would ever do to you what he did?" His tone is fierce.

I shake my head. No. I know he wouldn't do that. But there are other ways to hurt someone. God, I know better than most that mental scars cut deeper than physical ones. Your body heals, scars fade. But the wounds in your mind, your soul - sometimes you don't know how bad they are until they start bleeding again. And Roman... He needs control. Nothing would break me faster than if he started trying to control me, like Aidan did. What if he goes down that same road - getting paranoid, accusing me of things that only exist in his head?

"I can't do another toxic relationship, Roman. I get what you are, what you do. I know there are parts of you I haven't seenyet, but I see them in your eyes. I just need you to understand - I can't survive another relationship where I'm powerless," I answer.

I don't want this relationship to be like a candle that burns fast. I know I'm physically attracted to him and hormones are clouding my judgment.

"You want to know how this relationship will be?" he asks, and I'm relieved his tone is calmer. "I'll always want to know where you are, I'll always want to know who you're with, I'll always want to know that one of my men is always beside you!"

Every word hits like a punch to the chest. I swallow once and let him say what's on his mind.

"I'll always want to be beside you, I'll want you to answer my messages or calls, and clearly I want to be the only man who puts his hands on you, but not for the reasons you're listing in your head right now. Not because I want to keep you in a cage and control you." A laugh escapes him.

I try to understand why his face is so tormented, but before I can ask, he continues.

"But becauseYOUcontrolME!" His voice is full of tension.

"Roman." My voice is in complete contrast with his right now.

"No, you don't understand. I want to know where you are so I know how long it would take me to reach you if you needed me. I want to know who you're with so I know who to kill with my bare hands if something happens to you around them. I want you to answer my messages so I don't go crazy wondering if any of my enemies have taken you. I want to be the only man you touch, because the idea that you could look at someone else with that look…, exactly...the look you're giving me now, makes me nauseous and needing to spill blood. This is the relationship you're getting into, Luna!"

And now he's the one who sighs, as if he's taken a weight off his heart. I'm speechless. I don't even know if I'm still breathing from all the tension in my body. I feel that every word he told me is true, and I wait for anxiety to take over. I wait. And keep waiting. But nothing. In my mind there's only peace.

I take a few steps toward him and follow what my instinct tells me. I take his hands and bring them to my lips. I place a kiss on each and wait for him to open his eyes. When my lips touch his skin, I feel a shiver run through his body.

"Okay. I understand," I whisper.

He opens his eyes.

"You understand?"

I see in his eyes that part of him struggling to maintain control, to not let the chaos out. I wish I could take all the worry from his eyes, even for a few moments. It must be exhausting to always maintain this image of being in control and rational.

"I understand, baby."

Every word he spoke tattooed itself on my skin precisely because he lost control in front of me. This man who is always composed, always rational.

"I would never hurt you, Luna."

Clearly we both need to learn how to make this work, but we've taken the first step. At least now he knows my fears and I know his.

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