Page 37 of Fighting Furry

CHAPTER SIX

“Julie, where are you going?” Axel was in his truck, driving slowly beside me as I walked. I had no idea where I was going, I just wanted to be away from him.

“I'm looking for a new place to stay. Somewhere I can have my own bed.”

“Sounds lonely.”

I glanced over at him. He had one hand on the wheel and was leaning out the window wearing a smug smirk. The wind was blowing his messy hair into his face and I didn't know how he could even see where he was going. Gah! He was so obnoxious, and ridiculous, and…Ugly. I picked up my pace to a jog and then to a sprint. I needed to be away from him. Far, far away.

The road ended in forest. It called to me in some weird way. I'd never been much of an outdoorsy girl, but I wanted to be in those woods, with the leaf-covered ground under my paws and the — paws? I shook my head. There was a dirt path leading into the forest. I sprinted for it and ignored Axel yelling after me. A car door slammed and I picked up my pace. I ran as fast and hard as I could, considering I had to duck tree branches and leap over tree roots. This was nothing like running in Darius's backyard, it was way more fun. Staying on my feet and not getting beaten up by tree branches was a challenge that allowed me to forget Axel and his obnoxious behavior. I could hear him behind me, his feet pounding the trail, but I pretended he wasn't there. I was sure he could catch me if he really wanted to, but he kept his distance. It made me madder that he was being considerate, that he wasn't crowding me, that he seemed to sense what I needed.

The path curved upward and I ran at the small hill as fast as I could, enjoying the hard work of my legs climbing the hill and my lungs and heart working overtime. It felt good, but I knew it could feel better. I stopped at the top of the hill, stripped off my clothes and tossed them in a pile. I shifted to wolf and everything became brighter and clearer. Everything was simpler in wolf-form. I knew Axel was still behind me, knew he'd shifted, because I could smell him, could smell his wolf.

Wolf-Julie liked him being there. Wolf-Julie wanted to turn and rub her scent all over him, but human-Julie still had enough control to prevent wolf-Julie from following her instincts. I raced away from Axel as fast as I could. I moved so much more quickly and easily in wolf form and I loved the feel of the wind through my fur, the multitude of scents, the seemingly boundless energy that rushed through me. It felt so good that I kind of forgot all the reasons I was angry at Axel.

When the trail widened and he ran up next to me, I wolfy-smiled over at him. He yipped with a happy sound and raced ahead. I took off after him and we raced each other to an open field dotted with wildflowers. I threw myself into the grass and rolled around, drowning in the scent of the flowers, the grass, and the clean mountain air. Axel stood to the side, watching me, wary.

His hesitation was wrong. I raced at him, full-speed, and knocked him to the ground. I nipped his ear, leaped off him, and raced away. He chased me, but I dodged and darted and avoided him, making him growl with mock-annoyance. Finally, he knocked me to the ground. He rubbed my face with his own, covering me with his scent, and wolf-Julie growled in pleasure. Human Julie slapped wolf-Julie and kicked Axel off with all four legs. He flew through the air pretty damn far, but landed on his feet. I took the advantage and raced for the trail we'd come up. I sprinted back down the path, Axel right on my heels, until I'd reached my clothes.

I shifted and grabbed my bra, but a human, and very naked Axel, grabbed it and tossed it back on the pile. He growled and wrapped his arms around me, nuzzling my neck. “I'm sorry,” he said. “I've been trying to think of a way to let Ella Mae down gently for a while and telling her you're my girlfriend just sort of popped out.”

“Maybe you could have shown a little backbone and just told her you aren't interested.”

He dotted kisses along my jawbone. “I should have, but she's so sweet and—”

“She makes amazing lasagna, so you've just been stringing her along.”

He nipped the delicate skin behind my ear and pressed his body against mine. I could feel his hardness against my belly and it was making my brain turn to mush. “I've told her as kindly as I can that I'm not interested in a relationship, that I'm not going to date anyone in the pack, but she seemed to think she could change my mind. I saw a chance to end it by claiming you, but it wasn't fair to you and I'm sorry.”

“Good, you should be. I'm not your girlfriend. I don't even like you. Right now, I hate you a little.”

“I hate you a lot,” he said. Except the way he said hate, it didn't sound like hate, it sounded like…Well, it sounded like something I didn't want to think about, because he was pressing his lips to mine, pulling me closer against him. Awareness and desire pinged over my body from the top of my head to my toes. I kissed him back, wanting to be closer to him, to feel him everywhere, to have his scent all over me.

He groaned and turned me and I was pressed my hands against a tree and popped up onto my tiptoes, using the slope of the hill to get the angle right as he drove into me and obliterated all my thoughts in the absolute best way possible.

We dressed and he walked back to his truck with me, holding my hand all the way. “Want to get some groceries?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “Okay.” Even though I knew all the damn werewolves would smell him on me, would know what we'd been doing in the woods.

We got in the truck and he put his hand on the key to start it. I put my hand over his, stopping him. I wasn't ready for this, but I wouldn't be guilty of what I'd accused him of, I wouldn't string him along.

I waited until he'd spun in his seat to face me and took both of my hands in his, like he knew what I was about to say was important. “My father was a big guy,” I said. “And he used his size to manipulate and control and hurt me and my mother.” I swallowed hard and he reached over and pushed a stray curl behind my ear.

“Did he hurt you?”

“Physically? Only a handful of times. Emotionally? Verbally? Every hour of the day. Even when I was at school, he'd send me text messages, reminding me how worthless I was, how…It doesn't matter. He was a horrible person, but I loved him. I loved him and I was desperate to make him love me, to be worthy of him, to make him proud of me. He was a powerful business man, well-respected in the community. Everyone loved him. Only I knew he was a monster. I knew he hit my mother, but I…Maybe I just thought it was normal, because it was all I'd ever known. He told me that if my mother and I could be better, he wouldn't have to hurt us, that it was for our own good.”

Axel's jaw was clenched tight and his cheeks were red. “But you got away.”

I pulled in a deep breath. This wasn't what I'd meant to tell him, when I started this conversation, but it felt right. It felt like the only thing to do, to lay all my baggage on the table, to let him know exactly what he was getting with me. “My mother had started to stand up to him to protect me, and I guess that was a problem for him. He caught me sneaking out to meet a boy and he kicked me out for disobeying him.” I bit my lip and took a moment to get a hold of myself. “It was the kindest thing he ever did for me. I think that's why my mother never answered my calls or tried to find me. She knew I was better off.” At least that's what I told myself. In the middle of the night when I'd wake from a nightmare of my father, I suspected she hated me for leaving her, for not rescuing her from him. “After my father died, I tried to make contact, but she wouldn't talk to me. Shelly thinks she's ashamed and feels guilty for not helping me, but I…I think maybe she just wants to pretend it never happened and I'm a reminder that it did. Which is maybe why I don't try harder to see her.”

He rubbed my thigh, but I pushed his hand away. I couldn't deal with his comfort.

“Once he was out of my life, I swore I'd never let anyone hurt me the way he'd hurt my mother. I'd never date anyone I wasn't absolutely certain I could overpower if I had to. I learned to fight and I worked out and I thought if I was strong enough, if I could be sure only to date guys I knew I could take down if they tried to control me, I'd be okay. I'd be safe.” My throat tightened and I swallowed hard. “Except I never felt safe, I never felt strong enough. Now…Now I can take a tree down with my bare hands and I know I could fight you off if you ever came after me. I'm stronger than I've ever been and…” The truth was I felt weaker than I'd ever been, because no matter how physically strong I was, the idea of another woman with him slayed me. The way he called me his girlfriend made me want to hold on tighter to him, because with him I felt safer than I'd ever felt in my life. I felt safer and it scared me like nothing else ever had before, because I knew he wouldn't have to use his fists to take me down, to break me. He could use words, he could use his attention or lack thereof, he could decide someone else was a better girlfriend for him. All of that would damage me, would hurt me, worse than a punch or a kick. And that meant I was weak with him, that meant he had far too much power over me. Of course, I couldn't tell him any of that. I sighed, trying to figure out how to do this, when I remembered I didn't need to explain myself to him. “You're a big, gruff mountain man and I'm a city girl. And I have a ton of baggage, way more than the alpha's girlfriend should have. The truth is that all we have is a physical relationship, and I don't want to be your girlfriend. I don't want a serious relationship at all. I need space to figure out this wolf thing and this starburst thing, and you and I just aren't compatible.”

“Okay.” He put his hand back on my thigh and squeezed.

I was more than a little taken aback. I'd just made a huge confession, something I'd never told anyone other than Shelly, and I'd dumped him. I'd dumped him hard and he…He was acting like nothing had changed? “Okay?”

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