Page 38 of The Workaholic Down the Hall

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May, Carrie, and Dilly waved goodbye from the car. I smiled as I walked up the porch steps to the front door. I felt sleepy and happy, but I knew it couldn't last, because I'd have to face Noah in a few moments. I'd have to face him and I'd have to push him away. It would hurt, I knew that, but there was a sort of peace in having the decision made, in knowing that we'd never work. I'd push him away and I'd cry and I'd mourn him, but I'd stop hoping for something that could never be, I'd stop hurting every time that hope was dashed. Maybe, I'd finally be able to move on. Maybe someday I'd find another love, but for the moment, I'd focus on my daughter and being the best mother I could be.

Noah opened the door before I reached it. All the peace I'd felt moments before fled when faced with Noah in the flesh. He didn't smile, his face was pinched and I couldn't read his expression. Was that anger? And then I looked down and saw the suitcase in his hand. I should have been relieved, because he was taking the decision from me, he was ending it before I had to push him away. But I didn't feel relief. I should have been happy for him, because he'd figured out on his own that he didn't need to tie himself to us, that we wouldn't make him happy, but I didn't feel happy. My heart, which I thought was finally safe, didn't listen to reason, it cracked and shattered. “You're leaving?” I was proud that my voice sounded calm, that it didn't crack, but Noah didn't look proud. His jaw tensed and his eyes flashed.

George was a big guy, he appeared to be too large to move fast, but at my words, he leapt off the back of the couch and got in Noah's face. “You're not going anywhere, man. Nora's orders.”

Noah ignored him and leaned to the side until he was facing me around the edges of George's massive body. “There's a crisis at work. Jill needs me.”

Cody sighed loudly behind Noah, frustrated with his brother, so I smiled for both of them. This was for the best. “Right. Of course, you need to go back,” I said.

Noah pushed past George and dropped the handle of the suitcase. He gripped my hands in his own. “You should come with me.”

For just a moment, I thought he might mean it. I thought he might actually want me with him. But he wasn't looking into my eyes and his grip on my hands was tight, too forceful, not romantic, but desperate. Again, he was doing what he thought he should do. “I can't. My job is here and…I want to stay here, Noah.”

“I need You close, Aubrey. I promise I can take care of you. I'll get you to all your appointments, and I'll be there for the delivery.”

Behind me, someone gasped. I glanced at May, who was watching our exchange with a stricken expression. She held my purse in her hands. I must have left it in the car. “I'm sorry,” I said to her. Two tears slid down her cheek. George growled behind me, but I ignored him and May and faced the only man I'd ever loved. “I'm sorry, Noah. I thought I could do this, but I can't. You'll always be a part of our daughter's life, but you can't be a part of mine. Not anymore.”

The disbelief on his face might have been comical in another situation. I'd managed to shock him, but it wasn't funny or even amusing. “You're ending this before it even starts because I have to work?”

I hated that he'd think that of me, but I needed to end this and I couldn't tell him the real reason why. If I tried to explain that I was doing it for him, he'd never believe me, never stop fighting to change my mind, to do the right thing. “This never really had a shot of working, Noah. I'll always be your friend and you'll be welcome in my home, wherever it is, any time.”

“Why are you doing this?”

I stepped close and placed my hand against his cheek. The last time I'd touch him. “I swear to you, Noah, I will do everything I can to make sure you're a huge part of our daughter's life. If you can't make it here to see her, I'll bring her to you. I will never keep you from her.”

His eyes widened and his expression went slack for a moment, before it hardened and his mask slipped into place. “You said you were willing to try. You said you'd give us a chance.” He looked over my head at May, glaring at her. I could hear her crying. He looked back at me. “What happened to giving us a chance?”

A tear slipped between my lids. I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath. I reminded myself that I was doing this for him. I opened my eyes and faced him. I couldn't back down. “We aren't right for each other, Noah. We can never be more than friends.” I shivered and wrapped my arms around my middle, placing my hands on my baby bump. “I'm so sorry.” I couldn't take any more, couldn't take the coldness in his eyes. I pushed past him and George and Cody and ran to my room.

I shut the door behind me and tuned out the voices from the front of the house. Noah would be fine. He'd be better off and, eventually, he'd be grateful for what I'd done.

A small knock sounded at the door, too gentle to be Noah. “Come in,” I said.

May stepped inside. Her eyes were red and puffy, her make-up streaked with tears. “Aubrey,” she said, her voice cracking. “Are you doing this because of what I told you?”

I sighed and sat up. “I was willing to try, because I thought he really cared about me. But when you explained about his need to take care of everyone, I realized he was only trying to do what he thought was right for me and our daughter. I—”

“Aubrey, no. I—” May twisted her hands at her waist, her voice choked with tears.

I knew May wanted me and Noah together and I also knew I might have to lie to her to convince her to let this go, to let Noah move on with his life. I wouldn't hold him back, even if I had to lie to every member of his family in the process. “He's not the right guy for me,” I said. “Once, I may have confused my lust for him as something more, but after living with him, I've realized lust is all we have. I was willing to try for him and for our daughter, but it's better for everyone if we keep our relationship platonic and professional.”

May's hands were now fisted on her hips, her lips a tight, angry slash on her pretty face. “You're lying to me. Why are you lying to me?”

I just wanted to be left alone to mourn Noah in peace and May's continued pushing was irritating me in a wholly irrational way. “You have a fantasy of me and your brother together, a happy family, but it's just a fantasy, May. That's all it's ever been.”

May took two steps toward me, her expression not softening at all. She was furious and it surprised me to see her that way. She was the easygoing Reynolds, the one who went with the flow and laughed easily. “You're running away again, Aubrey, and it's not right. Do you have any idea how much you hurt him the first time you left? Noah was terrified for three days that something had happened to you, that you were in the hospital or a victim of trafficking. You hurt him and now you're doing it again.”

I hadn't known that. It hadn't occurred to me that he'd think I was hurt or in trouble. Why hadn't he called Mimi to check on me? But of course he wouldn't, he'd only met her a couple times and probably didn't have her number. It didn't matter, it didn't change where we stood now. “He knows I'm fine this time,” I said. “I'm here with you and Nora. He has no reason to worry.”

May growled and shoved her fingers through her hair. “It's not about him worrying, Aubrey. It's about you breaking his heart. He cares about you.”

I met her gaze, clearing my expression of all emotion, locking it down tight and deep under my breastbone. “I care about him, too, May, as a friend. I can't force myself to feel more for him any more than he can force himself to feel more for me. I don't love your brother. I'm sorry, but I can't pretend what I don't feel.”

May's anger shifted back to sadness as she studied my face and began to accept what I was saying. “But you sounded so happy when you told us he was willing to try.”

“I was happy,” I said, relaxing a bit. “I was happy about the idea of us being a family, of finding a way to make us work, but I can't pretend, May. I can't sacrifice every chance of future happiness I might have to a man who will also be miserable because he's acting out of duty and not love.”

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