“That would be great.”
I left her and May behind and headed upstairs to make sure the rooms we'd be renting that weekend were clean and ready. On the way up, my phone dinged with another text.
Noah:I'm an idiot.
I was beyond curious to know what he was talking about, but I'd asked him not to text me and I wasn't going to enable him. The only way he was going to get over his false sense of duty toward me and the baby was if I made it clear I didn't need him, that we were just fine on our own.
Noah:And I'm sorry.
I sighed. I was curious to know what he was apologizing for, but I wasn't going to ask.
I shoved my phone in my pocket and continued upstairs. I ignored it when it dinged with incoming texts twice more. I checked the room over, but I didn't enjoy the task as much as I'd hoped. It allowed me too much time to think, to question my decision to push Noah away. Finally, I pulled my phone out and read the two messages from him.
Noah:I miss the sound of your laugh and your feet in my lap while I rub them.
Noah:I miss the feel of your bare skin against mine.
Tears welled in my eyes. Why was he making this so much harder than it had to be? It felt like he was taunting me, making me believe we had something we didn't. If he was really missing me so much, why hadn't he come to visit? Why had he left in the first place? I scrolled through my contacts and chose Jill.
“Aubrey,” she said, sounding brisk and curt. It might have made me nervous, but I knew that's just the way she was. “What can I do for you?”
“Jill, I don't want to put you in an awkward position, but I need to know if I'm overreacting.”
“I'm not sure I'm the right person to talk to about this, Aubrey. I know it's the weekend, but surely your doctor has weekend hours, even my—”
I almost laughed at Jill's habit of jumping to conclusions and missing the obvious. She was amazing with numbers and finance, but not so great with people. “I'm talking about Noah. Is the company really in crisis? Is it really necessary for him to work over the weekend?”
She sighed. “His idea of necessary is not my idea of necessary. It's quite a subjective term. I wouldn't say my work is necessary because I take a great deal of pleasure in it. Noah, however, does not enjoy the work, but he's driven by a need, an imagined need in my opinion, to make sure he has left no stone unturned in his quest to save the company from ruin.”
“So, the company is in danger of ruin?”
“It's not doing great, Aubrey, but I sense your real concern is not with the company. Please, just ask your question, you know I'm not good with subtle nuances.”
I knew there was a very good chance Jill would repeat whatever I said to Noah, but I needed to know or I was going to drive myself crazy. “In your opinion, is Noah working this weekend because he feels he has to work? Or is he there because he wants to be there?” What the hell was I doing? Was I really asking Noah's sister if he was avoiding me? I wished I'd never called her. But I waited for her answer, barely breathing, because I needed to know how far Noah's sense of duty extended. I needed to destroy the hope that crept in with every text from him.
“I'm not sure how to answer your question and I'm not sure I should. Just trust me when I say Noah is trying to do the right thing, he's trying to make this right. You're the one who's pushing him away and hurting him. Again.”
She sounded angry and I didn't blame her. She also hadn't confirmed that Noah was needed in Atlanta that weekend. It was what I needed to hear, to erase any doubts I might have had. “I know this might be hard to understand, but I'm doing this for him, Jill. You know him better than anyone. You know he and I would never work.”
“I know that you haven't even bothered to try,” she said. “You've given up on him.”
It was better she thought the worst of me. She couldn't know the truth. “I broke it off as soon as I realized we'd never work. I was trying not to hurt him.”
She was silent for a long moment. “I have another call coming in, Aubrey.” She hung up before I could even say goodbye.
I reminded myself it didn't matter if Jill was angry at me as long as she was a good aunt to my daughter. She didn't have to like me. It was a sacrifice worth making to ensure Noah's freedom and happiness.
Jill knew Noah better than anyone and, if she could have, unequivocally, said he had to be there for work, she would have said it. Which meant he didn't want to be in Catalpa Creek bad enough, didn't want me bad enough, to make me a priority.
I didn't return Noah's texts until later that night. I'd considered my response carefully and tried to put emotion aside, because I had my own baggage, a past of being unwanted, and I didn't want to be so blinded by unrealistic expectations that I was unfair to Noah.
I curled up on the couch, under a throw blanket and I chose my words carefully.
Me:You need to stop feeling guilty, Noah. I'm fine. Our daughter is fine. Please stop texting and calling.
I turned my phone off and went to bed.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN